speak bl**dy english

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by smallbrownprivates, Feb 1, 2006.

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  1. Going for an interview in the near future, I receive a job description. Within the job role, one is supposed to "horizon scan". Now knowing the royal observer corps is not the client, and that i will not be on top of corporate hq doing weather reports, I found this definition (ok, yes ... i googled it :oops: )

    'the systematic examination of potential threats, opportunities and likely future developments, including (but not restricted to) those at the margins of current thinking and planning.'

    so forward planning then :roll:

    Is this job worth going for or will i be found day 3 on my knees behind a water cooler banging the floor with the blood sodden mush that was the head of some office drone, muttering "he only had to speak plain english just the once...."

    any one been near homicide dealing with corporate civvie speak recently?
  2. All the time! I am surrounded by people who are incapable of communicating without the use of jargon. My pet hate is "going forward" - I get looks of bafflement when I use "henceforth"... :roll:
  3. I've managed to weasle my way onto a 6 week civi course at a College. one of the 'modules' involves writing a business plan, and job descriptions. all that kind of cobblers. there is even a list of words that you MUST to use.... I can see failure on the horizon...
  4. Has anyone used the phrase 'touch base'? As in i'll touch base with that client to get an update.

    Am I playing baseball? Am I playing tag with a yank firebase back in Vietnam? NO!
  5. I am becoming increasingly frustrated by the use of the word 'meet' to describe a meeting. I recently received a 'meets list', which turned out to be no more than a calendar of events. Why do these cretins keep trying to reinvent the wheel?
  6. top, you have my sympathy. The number of buzz-words used during my first project management course actually resulted in me banging my head on my desk, much to the consternation of the reserved Singaporeans around me!
  7. In regard to a complex, and very expensive piece of med kit, I heard an NHS manager waffle: 'we're marshalling resources and endeavouring to deliver optimal capability'. All he had to say was: 'we're trying to get the bloody thing to work'.
  8. actually, it could be argued that is a bit retro and/or ironic, particularly if generated from neu arbeit speak. The hunts locally give out meets lists for their "ahem" drag hunting!
  9. You need to slip a 'verily' and a 'gadzooks' in there.
  10. Do they commit this shite to memory? I would just start laughing at them. It sounds quite sad when people draw out longwinded sentences intended only to make themselves look good. Don't you find that it's creeping into the Army as well? 'His position is now untennable' or 'He's getting sacked'.

    In many a ACR I just knew that my OC was saying 'c*nt'. He tried to diguise it by using the letter 'k', but I knew what he was saying.
  11. Now, come VB- what sort of "SOLUTION" would that be?
  12. Guys, I feel you all need to take the holistic approach to this. All it requires is a bit of Blue Skies Thinking, and I think it could fly.
  13. I was on a Civil Service interview course a while ago and was berated by a beardie for using the expression 'brainstorming.' Apparently it was insulting to epileptics and I should now use the phrase 'thought-showering.' Cnut. To this day I'm not sure if he was yanking my chain but in true military fashion, I wound him up for the rest of the course by being 'very Army' (I was the only military bloke on a course of about 12 civil servants) and using non-PC speak. Not rude or offensive but just risque enough to make him go puce with rage every time I spoke. After a couple of days, the course facilitator (natch) had to ask me to stop doing it because I was apparently really stressing beardie out and 'he no longer felt compelled' to attend the rest of the course!
  14. Bullsheet thread on Staff College forum.

    ARRSE Buzzwords

    'Solutions' is one that really grips. The Defence Management Journal loves 'solutions'. 'Private Eye' hates them (apart for their comic value) and has a list of new 'solutions' in every issue.

    Packaging solutions (boxes for stuff).

    Logistics solutions (lorries to move stuff).

    As a result of falling standards, buzzwords are being joined by words like;

    irregardless (the muppets mean regardless),

    tret (rather than treated),

    muted (rather than mooted),

    Then there is txt spk. Don't, like, get me started.