Spacka Battalions (Uberfags welcome)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by insert-coin-here, Oct 10, 2007.

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  1. A recent thread on ARRSE reminded me of a conversation i once had with a oppo with reguards to less fortunate claw handed dribbling types.We were discussing the viability of mllaarrs being used as shock troopers for HM government.I was just wondering what the ARRSE community thinks about this.

    Obviously claw-handed types might have a few problems operating the more complicated weapon systems out there,so we decided that close quarters weapons gaffer taped to said mongs claws/arms would make sense,a nice combination of chainsaw,garden shears and voice activated flame thrower.Once suitibly kitted out they could be parachute dropped on static lines into heavy troop formations to wreak that particular brand of destruction that only an excitable spacka can do.

    This only would be viable if said mong has legs so for all the wheel-chairborne flids out there I propose fitting blowpipe operated turbo chargers to the chairs and attaching sythes to the wheels a la Boudcia.

    The formation of the Queens own Mmllars:

    Pro's:

    1:Spacka's are well know to have super human strength when excited,making them deadly in close quarter combat.(Note:Ipods playing a continuous looped cheeky girls album,stapled to the head,could produce the desired results).

    2:It has been medically proven (by the third riech) that mongs can take at least two rounds to the head before going down.(Note:this makes them officially tougher than zombies)

    3:There is a slight chance that a drunk spacka twitching on the dancefloor might just make a regular squaddie look good.Obviously dance-offs would be a close run thing.

    Con's:

    1:Some less visionary member's of the population may find this cruel,while decrying the forces for not being more "inclusive".

    2:The bean counters would have to stretch the budget to include DPM bibs.(Note:I think the mmllaarrss combat effectiveness would easily re-coop these intitial costs).

    3:Dropping a ticking timebomb (combat mong) into one of terries compound is not as politically acceptible as dropping a paveway.(Note:But it is a feck site cheaper).

    So where does ARRSE stand on this and can anyone expand on this new Battalion's combat role?

    Im sure this will have been considered before by ARRSE but i feel,at this time,the myth that the forces is not inclusive and is anti-mong,should be dispelled.
     
  2. ICH, you're a silly cnut sometimes.
     
  3. I didn't read it all but I guess there's no point cause it bored me :)

    I need a slap
     
  4. Has this not been covered somewhere before? I'm sure ARRSE has already established that a Mong Battalion would add that certain Je ne sais qua to Ops.
     
  5. Many appologies,i really do have to much time on my hands today.Its a slow'un.
     
  6. Apology accepted. Still funny though :roll:
     
  7. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Let's be fair to ICH on this one.

    The uber-duber thread on mllaaarrs got binned after some furious whining by them wot mop up their dribbles. As I understand it, the MODS blinked first, the mllaar watchers won and the spackers kept on milling all over the shop.

    Nice to see a new thread on the subject, but I don't hold much hope of it getting past the first lollipop.
     
  8. its the Rag Week Rangers you need to be afraid of...
     
  9. As i said in the small print i was pretty sure it had been covered before.While searching i could only find whispered reference's to a once legendary,and deleted,mong thread.If nothing else please view my effort as mearly a statement of intent to the more PC elements of the ARRSE community who would like to see the NAFFI neutered.Yes it really did p1ss me off that much.
     
  10. Unfortunately a Mong battalion already exists- The Legion of Frontiersmen.
     
  11. Rag Week Rangers? They must be a sister regiment to the Princess Mary's Territorials - the PMTs. They captured an entire German division in 1944 because "it was that time of the month". In 1945, the spearheaded the Burmese counter-offensive on a "five days on, twenty-five days off" operational cycle.
     
  12. I heard that the ability to bleed for five days without croaking was a massive boost to them when fighting 'rearguard' actions.Apparently they were harder to kill than titanium coated cockroaches.
     
  13. ICH, thou art a very naughty boy. Nearly p1ssed myself laughing.
    As to your inability to find a deleted thread, this of course can only be done after completing the Combat Zen Course (Pirbright, bring your own antibiotics) and is quite tough, usually covered in the 8th or 9th week, just before making sense of Bobby_Meade threads and enjoying life under Broon.
     
  14. Despite my initial disgust at this thread I can see the strategic possibilities behind such a concept.

    To this end I am prepared to donate my own family pile, Feckham Hall, as a training base. It is remote enough for training to be carried out far from the whines of the madding crowd, and being on a slope should swiftly clear anything shed by bleeding hearts before it becomes too messy.

    Note to staff, don't feed the guard dogs.