Spacka Battalions (Uberfags welcome)

#1
A recent thread on ARRSE reminded me of a conversation i once had with a oppo with reguards to less fortunate claw handed dribbling types.We were discussing the viability of mllaarrs being used as shock troopers for HM government.I was just wondering what the ARRSE community thinks about this.

Obviously claw-handed types might have a few problems operating the more complicated weapon systems out there,so we decided that close quarters weapons gaffer taped to said mongs claws/arms would make sense,a nice combination of chainsaw,garden shears and voice activated flame thrower.Once suitibly kitted out they could be parachute dropped on static lines into heavy troop formations to wreak that particular brand of destruction that only an excitable spacka can do.

This only would be viable if said mong has legs so for all the wheel-chairborne flids out there I propose fitting blowpipe operated turbo chargers to the chairs and attaching sythes to the wheels a la Boudcia.

The formation of the Queens own Mmllars:

Pro's:

1:Spacka's are well know to have super human strength when excited,making them deadly in close quarter combat.(Note:Ipods playing a continuous looped cheeky girls album,stapled to the head,could produce the desired results).

2:It has been medically proven (by the third riech) that mongs can take at least two rounds to the head before going down.(Note:this makes them officially tougher than zombies)

3:There is a slight chance that a drunk spacka twitching on the dancefloor might just make a regular squaddie look good.Obviously dance-offs would be a close run thing.

Con's:

1:Some less visionary member's of the population may find this cruel,while decrying the forces for not being more "inclusive".

2:The bean counters would have to stretch the budget to include DPM bibs.(Note:I think the mmllaarrss combat effectiveness would easily re-coop these intitial costs).

3:Dropping a ticking timebomb (combat mong) into one of terries compound is not as politically acceptible as dropping a paveway.(Note:But it is a feck site cheaper).

So where does ARRSE stand on this and can anyone expand on this new Battalion's combat role?

Im sure this will have been considered before by ARRSE but i feel,at this time,the myth that the forces is not inclusive and is anti-mong,should be dispelled.
 
#4
Has this not been covered somewhere before? I'm sure ARRSE has already established that a Mong Battalion would add that certain Je ne sais qua to Ops.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
Let's be fair to ICH on this one.

The uber-duber thread on mllaaarrs got binned after some furious whining by them wot mop up their dribbles. As I understand it, the MODS blinked first, the mllaar watchers won and the spackers kept on milling all over the shop.

Nice to see a new thread on the subject, but I don't hold much hope of it getting past the first lollipop.
 
#8
#10
Tartan_Terrier said:
Bat_Crab said:
Has this not been covered somewhere before? I'm sure ARRSE has already established that a Mong Battalion would add that certain Je ne sais qua to Ops.
It has indeed:


http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Forums/viewtopic/t=35112/
As i said in the small print i was pretty sure it had been covered before.While searching i could only find whispered reference's to a once legendary,and deleted,mong thread.If nothing else please view my effort as mearly a statement of intent to the more PC elements of the ARRSE community who would like to see the NAFFI neutered.Yes it really did p1ss me off that much.
 
#11
Unfortunately a Mong battalion already exists- The Legion of Frontiersmen.
 
#12
Rag Week Rangers? They must be a sister regiment to the Princess Mary's Territorials - the PMTs. They captured an entire German division in 1944 because "it was that time of the month". In 1945, the spearheaded the Burmese counter-offensive on a "five days on, twenty-five days off" operational cycle.
 
#13
Cuddles said:
Rag Week Rangers? They must be a sister regiment to the Princess Mary's Territorials - the PMTs. They captured an entire German division in 1944 because "it was that time of the month". In 1945, the spearheaded the Burmese counter-offensive on a "five days on, twenty-five days off" operational cycle.
I heard that the ability to bleed for five days without croaking was a massive boost to them when fighting 'rearguard' actions.Apparently they were harder to kill than titanium coated cockroaches.
 
#14
insert-coin-here said:
As i said in the small print i was pretty sure it had been covered before.While searching i could only find whispered reference's to a once legendary,and deleted,mong thread.If nothing else please view my effort as mearly a statement of intent to the more PC elements of the ARRSE community who would like to see the NAFFI neutered.Yes it really did p1ss me off that much.
ICH, thou art a very naughty boy. Nearly p1ssed myself laughing.
As to your inability to find a deleted thread, this of course can only be done after completing the Combat Zen Course (Pirbright, bring your own antibiotics) and is quite tough, usually covered in the 8th or 9th week, just before making sense of Bobby_Meade threads and enjoying life under Broon.
 
#15
Despite my initial disgust at this thread I can see the strategic possibilities behind such a concept.

To this end I am prepared to donate my own family pile, Feckham Hall, as a training base. It is remote enough for training to be carried out far from the whines of the madding crowd, and being on a slope should swiftly clear anything shed by bleeding hearts before it becomes too messy.

Note to staff, don't feed the guard dogs.
 
#16
The idea originated in WW2 when Churchill, impressed by the deeds of Germanys' crack SS ( Schpaztik Sturm-abteilung) attempted to emulate their feats. These daring troops punched a hole through Allied defences in their revolutionary SunshinePanzerKampfwagens, due to the fact that they lacked the distraction of windows to be licked, and main armament could be operated by the driver using both hands, as the vehicle was steered via head dobber. All attempts to achieve this with U.K forces were doomed to failure however. The experimental Mongforce, commanded by General Bernard Mongomery DSO and Mllllaarr, was disbanded due to an unfortunate tendency to giggle uncontrollably and sh1t themselves at the sight of a barrage balloon. Matters came to a head during a Royal inspection, when the practice of regarding the standard rations of ice-cream, spaghetti bolognaise and mashed vegetables as finger food led to a regrettably poor turnout on parade.

extract from Spastics and Tactics: Window-Lickers at War 1939-45.
 
#17
Filthyphil, I hate to be pedantic, but they did in fact pre-date WWII. My family archivist showed me a creased document that records a platoon were raised at Upavon in WWI.

Their training was progressing well until the (at the time secret) opening of the Balloon Section on the new-fangled airfield. On the inaugural flight of the first balloon the entire platoon uttered the war cry of MLLAAARR!! and disappeared towards the ascending craft. They were all shot as deserters the f$ollowing morning.
 
#18
Point taken. I have heard that some audacious scholars can trace military millaarring back to ancient Britain. Theorists have proposed that the Celts did not cover themselves with woad prior to battle, but with melted blueberry gelato. It has also been stated that Boudica's real name was Brenda, but her troops were unable to pronounce this due to having cleft palates. Also, the whole idea of sword blades on chariots was developed after an unfortunate incident involving a runaway peat-burning wheelchair and a pair of poorly fitted calipers. Roman Emperer Claudius (he of the stutter) experimented briefly with using them as mercenaries but he took so long swearing them in that they all got bored and fcuked off.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#19
Although the idea should be applauded, won't it reduce recruiting levels into the RAF Regt?
 
#20
still21inmymind said:
Filthyphil, I hate to be pedantic, but they did in fact pre-date WWII. My family archivist showed me a creased document that records a platoon were raised at Upavon in WWI.

Their training was progressing well until the (at the time secret) opening of the Balloon Section on the new-fangled airfield. On the inaugural flight of the first balloon the entire platoon uttered the war cry of MLLAAARR!! and disappeared towards the ascending craft. They were all shot as deserters the f$ollowing morning.
Wasn't it The Imber Village Rifles?
 
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