Southerners ... a good pet in a Northern home?

#1
Having explored the practicalities of keeping a Northerner as a pet here:

http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Forums/viewtopic/t=107043/start=0.html

What about Northerners keeping a soft Southerner as a pet? Obviously not all breeds are suitable; the West Country Pigbull can be a little dim and are infamous sheep worriers, the East Anglian Marsh Dwellers are so inbred that they are prone to many kinds of conditions particularly webbing around the paws, Essex breeds can be aggresive but do respond to bling when offered and the Kent Pikey Retriever tends to be over possesive (usually of other peoples property). But have you Northerners considered a Home Counties Chinless Lurcher? There are of course advantages and disadvantages as in any breed:

1. Usually house trained and obedient.
2. Good with children so long as colouring books are shared.
3. Non aggresive but will cry over spilt shandy/korma.
4. Easily groomed but will require corduroy based items.
5. Not much use as a guard breed ... tend to yap at their own shadow.
6. Not much good for show unless there is an inane staring catergory.
7. No good as a working breed particularly during this recession.
8. Need to be chipped as they tend to wonder orf.
9. Need to be neutered but two house bricks will do the trick.

So over to the North ...
 
#2
Of course most southern breeds do tend to be a bit whiny. And very delicate when it comes to the climate. They also have an alarming propensity for biting the hand that feeds them.
 
#3
Don't bother, they will only introduce intellect, standards and hygine to your sad moany little Northern world.
 
#5
and watch the sacrilige of lemonade being added to beer....not on your nelly. Plus, they wouldn't be very good at backing you up in the post-pub brawl so a bit of a waste of time really.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#6
The downside with this theory is that as Northerners you couldn't afford a Southern pet. And to be honest what self respecting Southern breed would want to be fed on Lidl food?
 
#7
B_AND_T said:
The downside with this theory is that as Northerners you couldn't afford a Southern pet. And to be honest what self respecting Southern breed would want to be fed on Lidl food?
I've yet to find one of those
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#8
At your service my good Sir.
 
#9
jest265 said:
. Plus, they wouldn't be very good at backing you up in the post-pub brawl so a bit of a waste of time really.
if you've got a southerner with you mate there would'nt be any post pub brawls, no-one up north would dare to start on us.
 
#10
i have found that a southern breed think themselves much better than they actually are, for example:

you give them a beer, they want a strange cocktail that suits their feminin complexion

you give them clothes and they want exactly the same clothes, but from somewhere that costs much more.

There is no pleasing this inbred and vain breed, best off just leaving them to fend for themselves, if that were possible....
 
#11
brokerboy said:
jest265 said:
. Plus, they wouldn't be very good at backing you up in the post-pub brawl so a bit of a waste of time really.
if you've got a southerner with you mate there would'nt be any post pub brawls, no-one up north would dare to start on us.
Seeing as how most of the Suvvern types break easily you're unlikely to be about for the post-pub brawl anyway. It is in fact a requirement of the breed that they be home in time for Sex In They City, The Graham Norton Show or Assmasters II: Legend of the Gaylords.
 
#14
JustLoitering said:
codename1157 said:
Of course most southern breeds do tend to be a bit whiny.
Sadly this is only too true. Unfortunately an escaped Mancunian left a gene behind that so far has proved impossible to breed out.
Well you won't 'keeping it in the family' will you?
 
#15
jest265 said:
and watch the sacrilige of lemonade being added to beer....not on your nelly. Plus, they wouldn't be very good at backing you up in the post-pub brawl so a bit of a waste of time really.
Most will settle for a Pimms if adding lemonade to beer is too frightful. However, I would suggest that any public house which frequently ends in a brawl would not be the place to take your southerner. They prefer the quieter environment of a wine bar where the scents of a working man, hand rolled tobacco, cheap perfume, whippets, ferrets and brown ale are not omni present as this will cause distress. If you are considering becoming a southerner owner I would suggest you should have a little more consideration for your new pet and begin acting more responsibly.

They're not just for Christmas you know.
 
#16
B_AND_T said:
The downside with this theory is that as Northerners you couldn't afford a Southern pet. And to be honest what self respecting Southern breed would want to be fed on Lidl food?
We'd have to change our entire diet, i mean, they're never gonna take to bread 'n dripping 8O
 
#17
your right, we should buy them at easter and then drown them all.
 
#18
k13eod said:
jest265 said:
and watch the sacrilige of lemonade being added to beer....not on your nelly. Plus, they wouldn't be very good at backing you up in the post-pub brawl so a bit of a waste of time really.
Most will settle for a Pimms if adding lemonade to beer is too frightful. However, I would suggest that any public house which frequently ends in a brawl would not be the place to take your southerner. They prefer the quieter environment of a wine bar where the scents of a working man, hand rolled tobacco, cheap perfume, whippets, ferrets and brown ale are not omni present as this will cause distress. If you are considering becoming a southerner owner I would suggest you should have a little more consideration for your new pet and begin acting more responsibly.

They're not just for Christmas you know.
But what self respcting northerner would buy a pimms! And thats if the pub even serves it!! And the smog will be all too thick and unpleasant for the delicate lungs of most southerners!

Edit for being a northern spelling biff.
 
#19
OLDBIGHEAD said:
B_AND_T said:
The downside with this theory is that as Northerners you couldn't afford a Southern pet. And to be honest what self respecting Southern breed would want to be fed on Lidl food?
We'd have to change our entire diet, i mean, they're never gonna take to bread 'n dripping 8O
NEVER feed your southerner at the same time as the rest of the family dine ... and NEVER (no not EVER) offer them food from your table. They should have a seperate dining area and fed with food imported from the south such as korma, oysters, chicken kiev, korma, yoghurt, quiche, korma, kippers, etc
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#20
It makes me shudder, the thought of being dressed in Matalan or Primark?

Shocking!
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top