Sorry You Have Not Won This Time

#1
I am a fat unhealthy cunt and every day I buy two 500 mil bottles of Irn Bru (2 for £1.20) from a shop on my way to work. My pancreas is the size of a walnut and has been kicking me in the ribs since I was 18 but I don't mind.

Anyway, Irn Bru are running some holiday competition just now and every day I am naive enough to check the label to see if I've won. (that's not why I buy it, by the way, honest) And I never do win. I always fucking lose. I have never won anything on these sweet wrapper/juice bottle type competitions. And I am probably drinking enough Irn Bru to be dead before Christmas.

I have never known anybody who has won one of these things, either.

Come to think of it, I've never known anybody who's won more than £25 in the lottery or on a scratch card either.

I once won a signed copy of a CD from a big competition on XFM (god rest it's soul) but it's all scratched to fuck since I didn't buy CDs at the time anyway and used an ipod. Also, it wasn't announced on the radio show and was more like a random draw thing, not an actual competition.

Have any of you ever won something worth talking about?
 
#4
Got £75 off the Euromillions last year, and after a long streak of not winning anything, I've won about £50 on the lottery in increments over the past few weeks (fuck all compared to what I'll have spent on tickets over a year mind!)
Never won anything more than a free packet of crisps from scran packets. A mate of mine who knows his stuff has started a Facebook group giving daily tips for the horse racing, and one of the lads has won over a grand from a Lucky 15 bet this weekend from his tips. I'm not really a gambler but I'm tempted to have a crack this week, see if I get lucky for a fucking change!
 
#5
I'm not a gambler, but one of my former colleagues makes his living, and a bloody good one, at online gambling: Casino stuff, horses, dags, motor racing, football, the lot.

I'm a pessimist, that's why I don't bet.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#6
Not including stuff in the Mess Xmas Draws (Laptop, CD Radio, Adventure Experience etc)...

I did win £50.00 on a Lottery Scratchcard back in the early days of the things (must have been 1994/95ish)

Many times I have been promised that I have won either £100,000.00, a car or a £50.00 of shopping vouchers. I knew one person that phoned the premium rate phone number (£2.50 per minute, calls last no more than 10 minutes). He received his £50.00 vouchers. They were for discounts off furniture (if you spent £500.00) and holidays (if you spent (you guessed it) £500.00).

I never even won the £250,000.00 Reader's Digest draw, although some of the books were very nice.
 
#7
Well if we're talking casinos I managed to scoop up £120 from a drunken black jack session at gala casino in Glasgow one night. Usually go in there with mates because you drink until 6AM and don't bother gambling but just had a go one night and pretty much got lucky. The secret was knowing when to stand up and walk away, though.

Which was easy since I fancied going upstairs for a fag anyway.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#9
A couple of years ago, I was lucky enough to win 12K on the nags in one day, the look on the bookies face was classic. Took a grand cash and a cheque for the other 11K with the proviso that I knew where he worked if it bounced, which it didn't! Happy days ^^
 
#11
A couple of years ago, I was lucky enough to win 12K on the nags in one day, the look on the bookies face was classic. Took a grand cash and a cheque for the other 11K with the proviso that I knew where he worked if it bounced, which it didn't! Happy days ^^
Belter, if I had the stones to bet on horses, I'd be in there. But I'd get carried away.
 

CanteenCowboy

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
From the various mess's: His 'n' Hers fragrance (Ralph Lauren IIRC), a tumble dryer and some other bits and bobs. From Soldier mag: an Xbox and LCD TV from an online competition. From a Grand National sweepstake lots of KM when I got first and second in the sweepstake, however after a 'stewards' enquiry the second place was removed from my hands and the fourth place got it.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#13
Belter, if I had the stones to bet on horses, I'd be in there. But I'd get carried away.
IIRC, I laid out £20 on an acummulator, 7 horses in all. Mind, I found a few new friends that evening in the pub, I was drinking with a bunch of lads all afternoon which by 2000hrs had grown to a small crowd once news got around who soon got the bad news!
 
B

Boozy

Guest
#14
When I was a kid Mars were doing some world cup promotion... win money, holidays etc or a free mars bar. I went into the shop one day with my 25p (or around that, early 90s) and bought a bar... "Congratulations, you have won a free bar"! Fuckin yass min, I thought and trundled back into the shop to claim my prize. Opened the next one... "Congratulations you have won a free bar" Couldn't believe my luck... went back in a third, fourth fifth and sixth time before my luck ran out. Just as well, because the shopkeeper was beginning to get mightily fucked off and I couldn't manage any more chocolate!

I won 2 goldfish at the town's summer fair and they lived for 5 years til my brother murdered them and tried to feed them bread/dry them with a towel.

I've dabbled in betting and have had a few cracking results from footy matches.

I won the arrse guide off a thread on here!
 

cent05zr70

On ROPS
On ROPs
#17
Won a couple of coconuts as a kid, ate them both that afternoon, couldn't shit for days.
 
#18
used to win quite regularly on the scratch cards, then a break for a year or so, recently started buying a few again and I've won nowt! Guarantee the odds have been craftily changed making it harder to win and nothings been said.
 
#19
£6000 Army Sports Lottery in 2000 when I was on my terminal leave. Bonzer.
 
#20
Minor prize, an alarm clock in the Sqn Xmas raffle - wrote my car off the next weekend.
Main prize, a "midi" hifi system in the following years raffle - spent the next week crapping myself what as going to go wrong
£10 on the lottery 5 years ago
£3.7million on the lottery in May :) Financial advisor calls it "fuck off money" - YMP, you can fuck off.
 

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