Sorry Sir, you have no right to know where your child is...

[Emkay]

but you are legally responsible for her.


Someone I know recently had big problems with their 15 yr old daughter whom as I am sure everyone is aware is still his legal responsibility.

The child decided to do a runner from the family home and went to live with whoever would offer her a bed.

After a few nights of frantic phone calls to friends / relatives trying to locate his daughter the person in question called the police and reported her missing.

To his amazement the police telephoned several hours later stating that they had found the child and could confirm that she was safe and well. Needless to say the parent grabbed the car keys in anticipation of a swift reunion until they were told -

we are sorry, but we cannot tell you where your child is as the child has a right to privacy


Has anyone ever heard anything so mad?

 

[DrStealth]

thats just plain wrong.
totaly FN wrong.

 

[ViroBono]

A lot of this is due to loony and loony 'we know best' social workers applying misguided text-book theories.

A friend of mine was in a situation with a 13 year-old boy who ran away. His parents were frantic for a couple of days; he was found staying with a man who is a known drug user. Not only did the police say they were unable to say where the boy was, social services turned up and interviewed the parents as if they had done something wrong, apparently the boy told them he ran away because his parents were 'too strict' - i.e. he was grounded for stealing from his mother's purse.

Some years ago I did some agency work in a secure unit for children. The residents were all there for serious crimes - murder and attempted murder amongst them. I remember taking one boy to be interviewed by police about allegations that he had slashed an old man with a stanley knife (the boy was 12). The accompanying social worker was overtly hostile to the police and kept telling the boy not to say anything - hardly her job, as the police pointed out. Another inmate, a girl of 13, was allowed out to visit her parents, accompanied by a social worker. However, the social worker took her to visit her pimp/drug dealer Yardie boyfriend instead, and was then surprised when the child absconded. Significant police effort was required to get her back. Of course, the social workers deny all responsibility for anything going wrong - it's always someone else's fault.

 

[Birdie_Numnums]

A recent story in Australia where parents of a 14 year old were told by a teacher that their daughter was being prescribed the pill. It turned out that the child had sought advice from the school nurse who arranged an escorted visit to the local doctor. So the school staff knew, the Doctor knew but the parents were denied the info. The teacher who told them was disciplined for breach of privacy.

This is PC way out of control. Surely a fundamental principle must be that parents have the right to know everything about their children until the age of 18.

 

[Biscuits_Brown]

Don't think it has anything to do with "PC".
I did a runner at round about the same age (which is back in the day when a PC was a bobby) for the same effect.

The plod will ensure the kid is safe somewhere, have a word with whatever responsible adult is involved (there will be one) regarding trying to get the kid to "phone home and sort it out" then take nowt more to do with it.

 

[BuggerAll]

I tend to agree with most of the stateemnts above, but a note of cautiion. Children are abused by thier parents. in fact most abuse happens at home. So if a child claims that they are being abused the police, and social workers must investigate it properly.

In an ideal world children would discuss thier contraceptive needs with thir parents, but this is not an ideal world. There are parents out there who do not think thier children should have sex education in case it encorages them.

Parents do not own thier children.

That said far too many social workers, teachers etc have agendas of thier own and forget that each child is an individual not a case or an issue.

 

[ViroBono]

The plod will ensure the kid is safe somewhere, have a word with whatever responsible adult is involved (there will be one) regarding trying to get the kid to "phone home and sort it out" then take nowt more to do with it.

In the case I mentioned, the kid was sleeping in a park with a known drug user. There was no responsible adult; the social worker's view was that if they tried to return him home, or take him somewhere 'safe' he would just run away again.

Of course police and social service must investigate any allegation of child abuse. Unfortunately social services in particular have a poor record of protecting children who are vulnerable.

 

[DozyBint]

I know that we don’t like un-sourced stories on this forum, but I’ve searched various news archives and because I don’t have enough exact details I can’t find the news story.

I think it was around the year 2000, several of the national newspapers ran a story about a teenage girl (13 when it started, 15 at the time of going to press) who’d begun a relationship with a man in his 30s. The story went that the parents had thought that their daughter had been spending time with friends doing school work and socialising when in fact she’d been in the company of this man. The truth only came out when the girl was caught bunking off school and the parents grounded the girl.

From memory, at this time the girl denied that she was having a sexual relationship with the man and was initially compliant with the rules her parents laid down, but then began to rebel by sneaking out to see him. One evening as they caught her trying to sneak out, her parents took the drastic measure of locking her in the house and accompanying her to school the following day. At school the girl made a complaint against her parents and that evening she was placed in temporary foster care. Her parents told the police and social services their reasons for taking that action, namely that they believed that their under-age daughter was having an inappropriate relationship with this man, and the police asked the girl if this was the case. The story goes that because the girl denied a sexual relationship, the police couldn’t investigate – something to do with her being older than 13, thus legally she had to make a complaint.

The parents visited the girl and negotiated her return home, but at a huge cost – they agreed to allow this man to spend time with their daughter at their house. Reading the parents description of the anguish they went through knowing that their daughter (now 14/15) was having sex with a man 20 years older than she, under their roof and being able to do nothing about it, was heart-wrenching. Soon it became too much and the parents tried to enforce a separation between them, thus the girl elected to return to foster care. The story went that at the time of going to press she was living in council care because her behaviour had become so wild that foster carers no longer tolerated her.

The reason that this story stuck in my memory, other than the obvious heart-break of the parents, was because at the same time that this was published, there was a big hoo-haa about fining parents / sending them to prison if their children bunked off school! How can a state with one hand take away the rights of parents to discipline their children and with the other make them legally responsible for the behaviour of said children?

 

[Biscuits_Brown]

<hippy hat on>

I've said it before... It's all to do with conformity and ensuring that we raise good work units. Your daughter can sleep with whoever or whatever she chooses as long as it does not interfere with her capability to contribute to the economy.

<remove hippy hat>

 

[Cutaway]

I know that we don’t like un-sourced stories on this forum, but I’ve searched various news archives and because I don’t have enough exact details I can’t find the news story.

...

I recall the story DB, I too was seething at this ridiculous impasse imposed by the social workers.

... Reading the parents description of the anguish they went through knowing that their daughter (now 14/15) was having sex with a man 20 years older than she, under their roof and being able to do nothing about it, was heart-wrenching.

...

He was in his thirties, having sex with a minor and being supported in this crime by the Social Svcs (SS ?) and the law.

An introduction was all that was necessary:
"Legs, meet pickaxe helve. Pickaxe helve, meet legs."



As long as the Amazonian theory didn't prove true, I'd have said it was a most satisfactory solution.

 

[Bladensburg]

Perhaps it should be possible for parents to "divorce" their children should they not be allowed to deal with them properly?

 

[Phil306]

Welcome to the liberal world. A world your country helped to make. The whole "liberal" agenda is one of personal rights, etc. No matter what age. So, when you see the liberals in your country marching, the Gay Pride Parades, et al; just remember what it is your voting for and what they really want. Its only going to get worse.

 

[BiGbAddAbOOm]

Chokes on his coffee .... I thought PC' ism crept in from the states?

J

 

[gundog]

The ethos of liberalism has been lost through the sands of time. Yes they said you should do what you wanted but they also said you should take responsibilty of your actions to yourself and others. Modern lefty liberals have conveniently forgotten the latter part and abrogated the responsibilty to others.

 

[Fullwit]

I would have thought the remedy in dealing with the authorities would be to put the fear of God into them.

A few years ago, in MQs, the garden path developed a step when a concrete slab sunk an inch or two. I put in for work services to come and fix to be told that there was no money in the pot. I complained that it was a safety issue [kids running around, wife hanging washing, etc] but was completely ignored. I then wrote to the head honcho in Admin HQ asking him for a definitive statement as to who was responsible for MQs in the event that a member of my family injured themselves as a result of the landlord failing in his duty of care. Three days later the problem was fixed.

It seems to me that at each stage the parent should ask for the names of individuals in the departments [police, social services, etc] with whom they have contact and who have given them statements telling them what would or would not be done. Preferably, everything should be put in writing. Then send a letter to each of those individuals along the lines:

'You have seen fit to prevent access to my child for whom I have legal responsibility; by your actions, you are preventing me from carrying out my legal parental duties. I therefore hold you completely and individually responsible in the event that harm comes to my child. In such an event, I will lodge a formal complaint to the police, followed by court action to obtain compensation for the distress caused to me and my child. Furthermore, your name will be passed to my MP, local and national press and television media together with full details of the case, including copies of all pertinent documentation.'

That should focus the mind and make them think seriously about cooperating with you.

 

[bossyboots]

Parents dont OWN their children, true, but they are RESPONSIBLE for their children! Knock on any parents door in the evening and ask them where their child is, and dont be surprised at the ' i dont know' response.
I remember as a teenager, my mother once thrashed me black and blue because i pushed her to the limit, at school the next day, the teacher informed the police, who in turn went and saw my mother. She explained exactly why i was black and blue, and the response of the police was ' you do right missus' and walked away. We as kids didnt have 'right' then, but that thrashing ( with the aid of a garden cane) worked wonders. My parents were strict and had guidelines that were adhered to with no excuses, we didnt question it, we just got on with it and accepted that our parents were always right.

 

[pentwyn]

Communication is the key

This is the time when teenagers try to become individuals in their own right and try to move out from under the protective wing of their parents. They will try out many things in order to be 'in' with the crowd whether it's smoking, drinking, wearing skimpy clothes or even losing their virginity. This is not the time to play the great dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, but don't talk down to them.

The way to do it, is not by making yourself out to be the enemy and coming down on them heavily for every transgression (and there will be many). Try to lay down the ground rules right in the beginning. It is difficult for anyone to interpret the teenage mind, but try to convey the fact that you're on their side. Parents tend to forget that they were teenagers too once and their self-righteousness doesn't win them any points with their children.

Most parents tend to forget that babies do grow up someday and when the time comes, they must let them go and find their own way in the world. You can't protect your children forever and they won't thank you if you try to.

 

[bossyboots]

fortunately my two grew up without too many incidents, none worth noting anyway...and without a garden cane in sight.

 

[jon1467]

I believe that this; similar to many other issues that are discussed on this website, can be boiled down to the simple reason that the majority of people who post on this website believe that "rights" are something that are "earned" not something that are provided by the other members of society with no recompense. i.e. the child has to earn the right to privacy from her parents as have the parents to earn the right to know what their child is doing, unfortunately "social workers" (I will admit to despising every one I have ever met, and therefore being slightly biased, although I would like to have this opinion changed) see it as their job to blame someone else for a person's problems and furthering their own particular political agenda.

 

[Goku]

Communication is the key

This is the time when teenagers try to become individuals in their own right and try to move out from under the protective wing of their parents. They will try out many things in order to be 'in' with the crowd whether it's smoking, drinking, wearing skimpy clothes or even losing their virginity. This is not the time to play the great dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, but don't talk down to them.

The way to do it, is not by making yourself out to be the enemy and coming down on them heavily for every transgression (and there will be many). Try to lay down the ground rules right in the beginning. It is difficult for anyone to interpret the teenage mind, but try to convey the fact that you're on their side. Parents tend to forget that they were teenagers too once and their self-righteousness doesn't win them any points with their children.

Most parents tend to forget that babies do grow up someday and when the time comes, they must let them go and find their own way in the world. You can't protect your children forever and they won't thank you if you try to.

More copy and pasting from Yannie/Lawstudent

http://www.indiaparenting.com/raisingchild/data/raisingchild046.shtml

If you follow the link and scroll down to the bottom of the page, read the topic entitled “Communication is the key” and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Stop it now Lawstudent, it’s dull