Songs you just couldnt release today

[spunkymonkey]

Me and Mrs SM were driving up the M5 yesterday, listening to some 60s compilations as we went (you know the sort, £2.99 disks -some of the tracks may have been re-recorded by some of the original artists ).

Anyway, on there was an old favourite of mine by Billy J Kramer. As we listened, it dawned on us that you simply couldn't release a song nowadays with lyrics that start:

"Little children, you better not tell on me,
Little children, you better not tell what you see
And if you're good I'll give you candy
And a quarter
If you're quiet like you oughta be
And keep a secret with me"

So, any more classic songs out there (anything by Gary Glitter is cheating!) that would fail the modern paranoia / political correctness test?

 

[monkey_tech]

Not to sure if "Killing an Arab" by The Cure would get much air play at the moment

 

[spitlock]

"ba ba blacksheep" is not allowed to be sung in primary schools anymore its been changed to "ba ba rainbowsheep" by the PC brigade, so i guess you can add that to your list,

 

[Gonzo]

"Have a drink and a drive" - Mungo Jerry

 

[Cholmondley-Warner]

Can you believe,
God makes you breathe?
Why did he lose
Six million Jews?

Emerson, Lake & Palmer - The Only Way

 

[saintstone]

"Olivers Army" by Elvis Costello, might make a good anthem out in the sandpit though.

 

[EX_STAB]

"ba ba blacksheep" is not allowed to be sung in primary schools anymore its been changed to "ba ba rainbowsheep" by the PC brigade, so i guess you can add that to your list,

I think that's largely been proved to be an urban myth. Some basis in truth but not done for PC reasons.

Anyway how about "In the summertime" by Mungo Jerry?

Chh chh-chh, uh, chh chh-chh, uh
Chh chh-chh, uh, chh chh-chh, uh...

In the summertime when the weather is high
You can stretch right up and touch the sky
When the weather's fine
You got women, you got women on your mind
Have a drink, have a drive
Go out and see what you can find

/ C - / / F / F C - / G / F C - /

If her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal
If her daddy's poor, just do what you feel
Speed along the lane
Do a ton, or a ton and twenty-five
When the sun goes down, you can make it
Make it good in a lay-by

We're no threat, people, we're not dirty, we're not mean
We love everybody, but we do as we please
When the weather's fine
We go fishing or go swimming in the sea
We're always happy
Life's for living, yeah, that's our philosophy

Sing along with us, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee
Da-da-da-da-da, yeah, we're hap-happy
Da-da-da-da-dah....

Chh chh-chh, uh, chh chh-chh, uh
Chh chh-chh, uh, chh chh-chh, uh...

When the winter's here, yeah it's party time
Bring a bottle
Wear your bright clothes, it'll soon be summertime
And we'll sing again
We'll go drivin' or maybe we'll settle down
If she's rich, if she's nice
Bring your friends and we'll all go into town


Of course it should never be re-released anyhow because it is a crime against music...

 

[Cholmondley-Warner]

And then of course there's anything by the B&W Minstrels.....

 

[Chinggis]

I've just bought a copy of John Edmond's "Troopiesongs".
Just about all of them would fit the bill!

Not to sure if "Killing an Arab" by The Cure would get much air play at the moment

Inspired by Albert Camus' novel "L'Etranger". Worth a read (for those who can bear something written by a Frenchman).

"Olivers Army" by Elvis Costello, might make a good anthem out in the sandpit though.

It's not really a pro-squaddie song. The clue is in the title.

 

[Hairy_Hacker]

"I Never Met a Nice South African" - Spitting Image.

 

[caubeen]

My childhood books - we were an unmusical family, tho' we enjoyed the sound it made - would be deemed abusive today.

Little Black Sambo.
Son of ditto
Robinson's Golliwogs Annuals
All of Kipling.
Ditto Dornford Yates.
Ditto Buchan.
Ditto Sapper.
Ditto Saki.


My chisselers - now mid-20s - were rared on those, too. And divil the harm.

How about Mrs Cecil Frances Alexander? (All Things Bright & Beautiful)

The rich man in his castle
The poor man at his gate;
God made them high and lowly,
And ordered their estate.

"Lesser breeds without the law . . . ." ??

I should jolly well say so. Blair, for one. Common, vulgar man.

He should hear what The Blessed Sammy-John McKelvey has to say about him.

So he should . . . . .

And to preclude racist PC incoming, I have here a Huge Hulk of a Nigger-Man (ex-CSM - his description of self) who will scatter yous all. So he will.

 

[Steven]

Ain't Gonna Bump No More With No Big Fat Woman

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?

Fat Bottomed Girls

One in a Million" by Guns & Roses

 

[Grownup_Rafbrat]

'Five Years' by David Bowie

'The cop knelt to kiss the feet of the priest
and the queer threw up at the sight of that'.

'A girl my age went off her head
Hit some tiny children.
If the black hadn't pulled her off
I think she would have killed them.'

 

[caubeen]

Hasn't Mika just released a song about Big Ladies, with Curves In All The Right Places?

And quite right, too.

Better than bloody Tiny Dancers any day . . . . .

 

[Gonzo]

"ba ba blacksheep" is not allowed to be sung in primary schools anymore its been changed to "ba ba rainbowsheep" by the PC brigade, so i guess you can add that to your list,

I think that's largely been proved to be an urban myth. Some basis in truth but not done for PC reasons.

You may be right about the tenuous PC reasons but the song definately exists. My 4 yr old daughter regularly sings Ba Ba Blue Sheep and various other colour versions that she's been taught in Nursery.

There are a few other nursery rhymes that are definately banned for PC reasons though (second one probably quite rightly too) :

Nick Knack Paddy Whack..
Eeenie Meenie Minee Mo, Catch a N***er by the toe...

 

[Sandbanks]

'I feel like a Wog', 'Peasant in the Big Shitty' & 'Tits' - all by The Stranglers.
'Orgasm Addict' The Buzzcocks.

I also noticed that when Billy Idol played at Brixton Acacdemy last year he changed the lyric in the song 'Sweet Sixteen' to 'little runaway girl' rather than 'little runaway child'.

 

[57Chevy]

Anything sung by the Mini - Pops. A child molestors dream.

 

[King_of_the_Burpas]

I remember this one from a long way back. I can't see it on TOTP2.

Apologies to our friends from the Netherlands....

"I Hate the Dutch" John Dowie [1977, EP "Another Close Shave"]

[Lalalala - Dick van Dyke]

I'm a British Tourist and I'm very, very rude.
I hate the stinking foreigners

hate their stinking food

I don't like French or Germans

I don't care for Belgians much
But worst of all worst of all

I hate the Dutch

The Dutch, the Dutch
I hate them worse than dogs.

They live in windmills
and mince around in clogs.

They don't have any manners

They don't say 'thanks' or 'please'
all they eat is tulips
and stinking gouda cheese...

I'm a British tourist with a countenance severe

I love to strike the foreign type
And box their poxied ears

But there's one woggy dago

I cannot bear to touch
The slimy crawling

stench appalling
snotty grotty Dutch

The Dutch are mad
Their fingers stuck in dikes

They use the wrong side of the road

And ride around on bikes

They don't have any manners,
don't have any brains.

There's only one race worse than them
and that's... THE DANES!

 

[Gonzo]

Anything by the Macc Lads but this is one would really p1ss off the PC Bde:

POOF

One of my best mates came from Macc, we used to go out pulling crack
Now I know that was just a farce, he's got spunk dribbling out of his arse.
He's got scabs from snogging other men, we're never going to talk to him again.
He's gone all nesh, he's making us sick, we wouldn't give him cheese of us dicks.
Now he's a poof, we can't handle it
Now he's a poof, he does spermy shits
Now he's a poof, he leaves white stains wherever he sits

He's gone to pot, shaved his head, he's got some black bloke sleeping in his bed
AIDs and herpes? He's got them, the evidence is written all over his bottom.
Now he's a poof, he's got gonhorrea
Now he's a poof, he's a fucking queer,
Now he's a poof, he can't hold his fucking beer

He's never in the pub, he's no fun, sores and scabs all over his bum
We'll have to pin him down on the deck,
And pour some Boddies down his fucking neck.
Poof! He's an arse bandit
Poof! He doesn't like girl's tits
Poof! His willy is covered in shit

Poof! He's a fucking slob
Poof! He's got a shitty knob
Poof! He's got spunk all over his gob

Poof! He's a mincing gay. Poof! He's full of AIDs. Poof! He likes his buttocks splayed.
Poof! Tunnel tester, orifice officer, sausage jockey, pillow biter, uphill gardener, rear admiral,
Brown hatter, shirtlifter, anal adjuster, rectum rifler, turd burglar, arse bandit.

 

[57Chevy]

I remember this one from a long way back. I can't see it on TOTP2.

Apologies to our friends from the Netherlands....

"I Hate the Dutch" John Dowie [1977, EP "Another Close Shave"]

[Lalalala - Dick van Dyke]

I'm a British Tourist and I'm very, very rude.
I hate the stinking foreigners

hate their stinking food

I don't like French or Germans

I don't care for Belgians much
But worst of all worst of all

I hate the Dutch

The Dutch, the Dutch
I hate them worse than dogs.

They live in windmills
and mince around in clogs.

They don't have any manners

They don't say 'thanks' or 'please'
all they eat is tulips
and stinking gouda cheese...

I'm a British tourist with a countenance severe

I love to strike the foreign type
And box their poxied ears

But there's one woggy dago

I cannot bear to touch
The slimy crawling

stench appalling
snotty grotty Dutch

The Dutch are mad
Their fingers stuck in dikes

They use the wrong side of the road

And ride around on bikes

They don't have any manners,
don't have any brains.

There's only one race worse than them
and that's... THE DANES!

Sorry, I thought this was a quote from the BNP manifesto.