Song for the lads....

#1
I WILL SURVIVE
>Male Version.................
>
>First I was afraid, I was petrified!
>At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
>I would've drunk a little less,
>I would've tried to keep my head.
>If I'd known for just one second you'd assault me in your bed.
>
>I tried to go, walk out the door
>But you've been sitting on my legs and I
>Can't feel them anymore
>And now you're sitting on my face, my nose
>Has vanished - not a trace,
>I only hope that you're big knickers aren't
>Made of liquorice lace
>
>
>Before your fat and naked body makes me want
>to heave
>
>Only hope that no one saw me walking home
>With such a slut.
>God the things that you get up to when you're
>Half cut.
>
>I can't believe, I'm lying here.
>It's all 'cos of that f**king evil drink that
>We call beer
>You can sod you beer goggles, shit I must
>Have been blind
>To mistake that Hoover dam for a se*xy young behind.
>
>Please let me go, I'm getting scared
>There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly
>Bre*asts from being bared.
>I think that I must have been mad, God what
>Made me want to court her?
>With t*its that look like Tesco bags she'd just
>Filled up with water
>
>It's time to go, run out the door
>She's started hinting she wants se*x on her
>Dirty lino floor
>I don't think there's anything worse
>Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.
>
>I WILL SURVIVE !
 
#2
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
06:00 Alarm
06:15 Blow job
06:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
07:00 Breakfast, rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast all cooked by naked buxom wench
07:30 Limo arrives
07:45 Several whisky's on-route to airport
09:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
09:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks golf club (blow job en-route)
09:45 Play front nine (2 under)
11:45 Lunch. Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and bottle of Dom Perignon.
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
14:15 Limo back to airport (several whisky's)
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with female crew (all nude)
16:30 Land world record Marlin (1,800 lbs on light tackle)
17:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by Elle McPherson.
18:45 Shower and shave
19:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated, marijuana and porn legalised.
19:30 Dinner: Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy steak followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits.
21:00 Napoleon brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day. England beating Germany 13-0.
21:30 Line of coke, sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snack and cleansing ale
23:30 Blow job
23:45 In bed alone
23:50 A 12 second fart which changes pitch 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.

and then you wake up and have your brekkie :roll: :lol:
 

chimera

LE
Moderator
#3
Ozgerbobble said:
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
19:30 Dinner: Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953),
I find the Krug '62 better, oh and I think you'll find that Helena Christensen does a much better hand job.
 
#5
THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
09:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10:00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
13:00 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg.
15:00 Nap
16:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer.
16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
20:00 Hot shower (alone)
20:50 Carried to bed.....(freshly ironed, crisp, new white linen)
21:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
21:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.


yeah right love! :twisted: :lol:
 
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