Song for the lads....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Moodybitch, Dec 1, 2004.

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  1. I WILL SURVIVE
    >Male Version.................
    >
    >First I was afraid, I was petrified!
    >At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
    >I would've drunk a little less,
    >I would've tried to keep my head.
    >If I'd known for just one second you'd assault me in your bed.
    >
    >I tried to go, walk out the door
    >But you've been sitting on my legs and I
    >Can't feel them anymore
    >And now you're sitting on my face, my nose
    >Has vanished - not a trace,
    >I only hope that you're big knickers aren't
    >Made of liquorice lace
    >
    >
    >Before your fat and naked body makes me want
    >to heave
    >
    >Only hope that no one saw me walking home
    >With such a slut.
    >God the things that you get up to when you're
    >Half cut.
    >
    >I can't believe, I'm lying here.
    >It's all 'cos of that f**king evil drink that
    >We call beer
    >You can sod you beer goggles, shit I must
    >Have been blind
    >To mistake that Hoover dam for a se*xy young behind.
    >
    >Please let me go, I'm getting scared
    >There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly
    >Bre*asts from being bared.
    >I think that I must have been mad, God what
    >Made me want to court her?
    >With t*its that look like Tesco bags she'd just
    >Filled up with water
    >
    >It's time to go, run out the door
    >She's started hinting she wants se*x on her
    >Dirty lino floor
    >I don't think there's anything worse
    >Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.
    >
    >I WILL SURVIVE !
     
  2. THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
    06:00 Alarm
    06:15 Blow job
    06:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
    07:00 Breakfast, rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast all cooked by naked buxom wench
    07:30 Limo arrives
    07:45 Several whisky's on-route to airport
    09:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
    09:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks golf club (blow job en-route)
    09:45 Play front nine (2 under)
    11:45 Lunch. Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and bottle of Dom Perignon.
    12:15 Blow job
    12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
    14:15 Limo back to airport (several whisky's)
    14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
    15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with female crew (all nude)
    16:30 Land world record Marlin (1,800 lbs on light tackle)
    17:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by Elle McPherson.
    18:45 Shower and shave
    19:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated, marijuana and porn legalised.
    19:30 Dinner: Lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy steak followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits.
    21:00 Napoleon brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch international match of the day. England beating Germany 13-0.
    21:30 Line of coke, sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies)
    23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snack and cleansing ale
    23:30 Blow job
    23:45 In bed alone
    23:50 A 12 second fart which changes pitch 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.

    and then you wake up and have your brekkie :roll: :lol:
     
  3. chimera

    chimera LE Moderator

    I find the Krug '62 better, oh and I think you'll find that Helena Christensen does a much better hand job.
     
  4. I'm sure you missed out a few blow jobs there :wink:
     
  5. THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
    08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
    08:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
    08:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
    09:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
    10:00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer
    12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
    13:00 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 7kg.
    15:00 Nap
    16:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret admirer.
    16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
    17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
    19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
    20:00 Hot shower (alone)
    20:50 Carried to bed.....(freshly ironed, crisp, new white linen)
    21:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
    21:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.


    yeah right love! :twisted: :lol: