Something Under The Pillow Lurks

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TPR_C_Hunt, Jun 1, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. After a night of drunken sex with a local classy female, having escorted said trollop to the door, I went to rebuild my pit and made a discovery. Now normaly a little memento is quite welcome and on finding a pair a kecks I was quite pleased. I instantly thought to my options; a, I could save them and use them as a reminder while carrying out a functions test or b, boil them and make soup. When I picked them up I made a gruesome discovery, they had more track marks than a chally test track and stunk like a shit smugglers duffelbag. My response was a, to throw up b, to sober up and c, to think "my god, what have I dipped my dick in!".

    Anyone else feel the need to confess their singly pig experience?
  2. Maybe that's her calling card and she's telling all her mates of the guy she left a 'present' for................ ;)
  3. Can I have my knickers back please TPR?
  4. Sorry Moods, I have boiled them and made a stock for when I run short of bovril.
  5. or fish stock?
  6. Are you talking to Chunt? He doesn't have your pants, he smells mine.

    Maybe your ex put them in a pan and cooked them?
  7. Ooh, and we all thought he was a PARA.
  8. I can't be the only one, there's got to be loads of the older arssers who have done big petra from the wichtig and other garrison growlers.

    Slug, I still floss with you gruds every morning.
  9. I've often thought that when they get extra-special wet they have the ability to have a sort of mini-period in their knickers. This mixes with the beads of pi5s hanging out the end at the top of the minge and in the pubes which together produces this sort of browny-green sauce. Funnily enough, if I've been wanking a lot then a mix of hairy chunder from my hoop in a 2-1 ratio which cheese from under the bell tastes almost exactly the same. It's an anchovy thing, I reckon.

    In my pulling years (October 1996 to April 1997) I usually used the fingernail test. If I managed to get the fuckers moist enough to make enough spoogle to fill up an entire thumb nail then I can never resist the urge to have a taste. If you need a sample, I can have my wife juice some up later this afternoon. It just sort of sits there moaning and heaving like it's about to have some sort of fecking seizure of the cnut or something and then there's a whole glob of the stuff just outside her left flap. Funnily enough, my daughter Cordeila (6) - can do the same trick. Do any other proud fathers have daughters with what I like to call a Magic Minge? I think we should be told.
  10. I was willing to read this post up until you started about your daughter sorry thats just wrong very wrong....
  11. Perhaps they're a blokes.....? In fact, are you sure she was a she?
  12. Scotlas - come on love, are you seriously telling us you've never been wet enough to do a little minge cough in your crusties? My brother-in-law's an analytical chemist. If you send me a set of scrapes I've have your cnut checked out for normaility. Is everything else OK 'down there' for you? Length, width? Bean flickability?
  13. My bits are all in working order thank you..
  14. I suggest you go with option b, make some soup. Sounds like you won't need to add croutons.
  15. Im not feeling that funny at the moment ... so i apologise early on if this post is pump.

    Ive had a few dubious conquests recently ... but the last was fairly the worst. On the upside, alcohol and poppers had done a sound job of relaxing her and i now know what 'up to the elbow' means ... well up to my wrist anyway! anyhow, she decided that doggy style brown eye was called for, but as i eased in (apparently too fast - but what would i know) she let out a tremendous 'anal gasp', well it wasnt her ass that yelped ... that was full.

    almost feeling bad, i was prepared to let her recover ... but she wanted it badly, and turning over begged me to warm her up before taking her again. This is the crunch ... as i eased a finger in, i discovered that the dirty talking horny slut had one in the tube ... the biggest turd ive had the displeasure of bumping into - at least it wasnt sloppy though