Something for the Cabin Crew

There are normally 3 classes, First, Business and economy.
Yes, I know. I was was answering someone who stated that he travels in First, even for shorthaul. I don’t know many airlines who offer First Class in shorthaul, but then, I’m just a pauper.
I got fcuked by the BA crew from Gatwick to the Maldives.

I paid for extra legroom seats, only to find that when we boarded there was no extra legroom seats left.
Apparently they were allocated on a first come first served basis.
To people who hadn't paid any extra.

Same score on the return flight.

Proper fcuked.

The cabin crew wouldn't have a bar of it.

BA customer service wouldn't have a bar of it. Refused to refund the money I paid them for goods and services they couldn't/wouldn't provide.

That used to be called fraud, I believe.

I only got my money back from the travel agent as a 'gesture of goodwill'.
Similar happened to me a good long while ago with KLM on one of their coal-fired 747’s. I did get a refund for the extra that I paid, but I had to create merry hell to get it.
Back in the days when airline loyalty schemes were worth much, and I was travelling a lot, I used to use airmiles to upgrade to Business if I could, or Economy Plus when that was introduced. My company only pays for Economy flights regardless of distance.
In the last 5 years or so, though, the airlines have made it more and more difficult to do this, and pretty much the only benefit I get now is lounge entry.
Is it really worth it for 3 better meals and a few hours better sleep. 3 better meals at a grand per meal? If you do get a BC seat its either get some sleep or binge on the food, drinks and films. Either or, not both.
A few years ago, now. On arrival at LHR on the red-eye from LAX, the first passenger to disembark from First was Mick Jagger.
As he passed the first row of Club, where I was sitting, with Patrick Lichfield in the next seat, Jagger addressed Patrick with ‘What the hell are you doing slumming down the back like this?’
Patrick’s terse response was ‘because I’m not such a stupid cnut that I’ll pay 3,000 quid more just for a very slightly better meal.’


I have been looked after by cabin crew a few times, flight to Ibiza the crew sat me next to one of the doors, so plenty of legroom.

Flight from Brunei to Manila, unbeknown to me my mate let the crew know it was my birthday. Now normally passengers got 2 drinks. I had so much booze given to me, I was shit-faced. Luckily we were in a holding pattern long enough for my to sober up a bit


Paid off a ship in Melbourne with the 2nd Mate. Flying home on QANTAS (Queens And Nancies Trained As Stewards).

2nd Mate makes derogatory remark within earshot of gay steward. 10 minutes later 'accidentally' gets a lapful of ice cold water and profound apologies from same steward...
Dog travels for free

Going to ask to see her ticket?
And then there was the Lufthansa flight from Frankfurt to Osnabruck.
Much was made of this being the first ever LH flight with an all-female crew.
Imagine my surprise (and delight) when I discovered I was staying at the same hotel as the crew.
Modesty requires drawing a veil at this point!


I flew back from Cyprus in quite a noisy aircraft. I couldn’t get the nice flight attendant in the all in one green suit to upgrade me, but when he wasn’t looking I sneaked into the back of a Mitsubishi saloon and had a nice lie down for the rest of the flight.

As for paying a couple of grand for 8 hours of slightly more comfort, you must be mad.


Used to work for a German airline and a perk was 3 free flights a year for direct family, I booked a long haul to Jamaica and upgraded to Business as it was really cheap (about 100 euros extra for two of us). The flight was good but made a transit stop in Dom-rep to let off/take on the passengers that need to! and "everyone" gets off and the passengers reboard with no seat allocation. A pair had sat in our seats even though our personal stuff was packed in the cubby holes and were laughing.
Instead of making a scene, I simply went up to the Head Of "Cabin Crew" (who strangely were all blokes), and flashed my firm id, and said in English "can you get them Fotzen out of our seats". Without any fuss he obliged and we carried on without further drama to our destination comfy in our paid for seats :).
Did he have a straight man?

He had Henry McGee. Mr Pugh ( "P-U-G-H. Poo!" )

Link: Charlie Drake- The Worker


RAF in WW2.Trained as an airgunner (tailgunner). He said he was "The right size for the turret". Served in India. I don't know where else.

I've always hated comedies about incompetent people (e.g. Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em), but this one I loved. It's still good. Un-PC, well written and impeccable timing.
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Yes, I know. I was was answering someone who stated that he travels in First, even for shorthaul. I don’t know many airlines who offer First Class in shorthaul, but then, I’m just a pauper.
Tends to be no cabin partition just nicer seats at the front
did they load you up on one of those 'scissor jack' trucks?

They did that to some folk at JHB once, and the thing broke halfway up, leaving them getting pissed on in the rain.

Yes, I’ve had that.

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