Someone p1ssed into my bottom

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Jul 23, 2008.

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  1. Well not exactly.....

    Whilst away I visited a public lavatory, it looked like a hangout for vile acts of homosexuality and partaking in contraband substances, when I went in for an eartha kit it must have been like a breath of fresh air.

    Anyway..... the flushing thing had been snapped off, not a drama, I like to leave my steaming feacal gift for all to see. There was however a pot of rusty water in the bottom of the bowl, I'd say using my special formula of aroma, shade to the power of three that it was two slashes on top of each other..

    Because I hadn't had a solid stool for a week I wasn't phased, I imagined I'd splash the back of the pan in pebbledash form.

    I was wrong, my colon stretched like Lexington Steel was in me and my anus globes began to sweat more than my brow in the Southern Hemisphere heat. I reckon my crevice dilated to twice what a woman does giving birth and something the size of a greased CO2 extinguisher was leaving me and heading for the pool at the bottom of the trap faster than a Stuka dive bombing London.

    My IA time wasn't the best, when it dawned on me that there was going to be a back splash, I attempted to make a leap for it, but with shorts round my ankles, Oakleys balanced on my bonce and pins and needles in my legs from sitting and squeezing I got it a bit wrong and looked like a Deacon dismounting a horse.

    Because the turd was of such a diameter it clearly took a moment or two for my plophole to close and go watertight. All to late, there was a jet of strangers wazz, heading for my open claypit, like an Icelandic Geyzer, the best I could hope for was a splashed sack....... but no.

    I felt urine rush inside my stretched anus, it was horrific and has me all of a dither since.

    On one side I've had a pair of strange gentlemans p1ss (probably a crack head puff) and on the other side, in hindsight..... it felt good. So am unable to report a judgement in either direction

    So, has anyone else ever had someone piss into their gaping anus?
     
  2. You really should try to have more roughage MDN. I'm concerned for your wellbeing (mentally and physically)
     
  3. elovabloke

    elovabloke LE Moderator

    I always thought Tiennie Winnie Airways folk where full of shit. Welcome home.
     
  4. MDN I'm disgusted but also painfully 'tented' at your tale. Being an affeccianado of watersports I have, on many occasions, had my good lady wife urinating directly onto my face while I lick her clit and simultaneously tug myself to orgasm. I hasten to add that we play 'splash' only after a night of sustained supping so her flow is clear and well hydrated.

    Never, I repeat, never, indulge in the morning as you're likely to get a faceful of Nile water which smells like Sugarpuffs.

    Alas she's never urinated directly into my anus as her golden champagne directional skills are on a par with Semper's hearing abilities - non existant.
     
  5. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Thankfully,no.
    But sometimes when I have the squirts it does look like pish with carrots floating on top...
     
  6. According to the TV ads there are more bacteria on a baby's high chair than a bog seat, so at least you chose the lesser of two evils (though I would imagine the stance to curl one down at such a height could be tricky). There tends to be less deviant activity takes place on the aforementioned highchair, and the added bonus of someone to help tug out more stubborn offerings. My advice, in future avoid public crappers in favour of toddler cookhouses.
     
  7. Why am i laughing at this thread?? :? :lol:
     
  8. Because it's a nervous laugh, a laugh which signifies your want for a man to cleanse your lower colon of all poo-particles using only the contents of his bladder.
     
  9. Oh jesus.......for years I've made a point going in off the edge of the porcelain, and I'm not going back to yellow geyser city after reading that. Aim off, FFS.
     
  10. Theres a lesson there, shit on the floor.
     
  11. OAKLEYS????? Ponce!
     
  12. Cheers 5A. A valuable, hard-won lesson there methinks. Every day's a schoolday!
     
  13. Why did I think this would be about anyone other than MDN
     
  14. I will tease my anus this very evening with the shower flex with the head removed.

    I will be careful not to scald the tender skin on my inner colon, and at the same tame ensure its not to cold to make my heaving tezzies retract inside my body.

    Hopefully this will simulate a semi erect staff, on max power without me having to have sexual encounters with a man.
     
  15. meridian

    meridian LE Good Egg (charities)

    Sh1tting outside the toilet is a fool proof method of avoiding any unpleasant splash backs
     

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