Bought house a year ago Joint mortgage with a mate because house prices are silly money around here Mate now wants out, hes depressed by having a mortgage (?) Mates mother, takes it upon herself to start preparing the place for sale (when did I say I was selling? Um never.) She paints the hallway with paint we already had cream, not too bad, and tells us that shes chosen a colour for the kitchen - FUCKING MINT FUCKING CHOC FUCKING CHIP FUCKING GREEN!!! I say I dont think that will look good, lets just stick with cream through-out, No youll have green is the response followed by departure I turn to housemate, I really dont think green will look good in here, Im no interior designer, but mint choc chip green will look gash Housemate, clearly fed up of my noise on the issue says hell have a word and we wont have a green kitchen. Weekend away fast approaching, I ask what hes up to at the weekend. er, um errrrr, um. Sounds fun! say I (despite getting a huge whiff of BS). At some point over the end of the week he mentions that his mum wont be over decorating. Hmmm, Im being done like a turkey here. So, Sunday night and I get home. The kitchen is FMFCFCF-Green! Well, wot dyuh fink? says his mum. Not in the mood for a barney and fucking shattered after Saturday night on the razz I just say, I dont like green. BOOOSH! Permanent send in my face, and for once I just sit a take it, not paying too much attention but not reacting. Im a lover no a fighter see? Housemate comes in to see what the noise is about and watches for a couple of minutes. Ive had enough of these pair of tits so I say, Youre shouting, so Im leaving and then housemate yells at me to not to talk to his mum like that. I told him to get a grip and left. Then she starts telling me I should go and tidy my bedroom because its a mess. I laugh and tell her that a) Im a big boy now, and I can do what I like, b) shes not my mam, c) its not her house so she cant tell me what to do and d) what the fuck have you been doing going in my bedroom?! Ive since put a wanging great big £30 Yale lock on my door! She threatens me some more, so I ask her to leave. She refused and became violent so I left before I did something which would get me in the shit! I think shell next be incoming at the weekend. Anybody got some useful advice? I was thinking I might behave like my dog; shit in the garden and bark at her once she starts shouting, all this whilst possibly naked Im undecided on that bit. Also, she has no legal status in the house; housemate and I are 50/50. So where do I stand legally? The next time shes over and refuses to leave should I call the police? Or should I just hump her leg until she leaves/the police arrive?! 23 years old and I'm told to tidy my room! HA! Roll on this weekend! Amplivox and bin lid to hand I think!