Someone broke in and decoarted my kitchen - badly!!

• Bought house a year ago
• Joint mortgage with a mate because house prices are silly money around here
• Mate now wants out, he’s depressed by having a mortgage (?)
• Mate’s mother, takes it upon herself to start preparing the place for sale (when did I say I was selling? Um never.)
• She paints the hallway with paint we already had – cream, not too bad, and tells us that she’s chosen a colour for the kitchen - FUCKING MINT FUCKING CHOC FUCKING CHIP FUCKING GREEN!!!
• I say I don’t think that will look good, lets just stick with cream through-out, “No you’ll have green” is the response followed by departure
• I turn to housemate, “I really don’t think green will look good in here, I’m no interior designer, but mint choc chip green will look gash”
• Housemate, clearly fed up of my noise on the issue says he’ll have a word and we won’t have a green kitchen.
• Weekend away fast approaching, I ask what he’s up to at the weekend. “er, um errrrr, um”. “Sounds fun!” say I (despite getting a huge whiff of BS).
• At some point over the end of the week he mentions that his mum won’t be over decorating. Hmmm, I’m being done like a turkey here.

So, Sunday night and I get home. The kitchen is FMFCFCF-Green!
“Well, wot d’yuh fink?” says his mum. Not in the mood for a barney and fucking shattered after Saturday night on the razz I just say, “I don’t like green.”
BOOOSH! Permanent send in my face, and for once I just sit a take it, not paying too much attention but not reacting. I’m a lover no a fighter see? Housemate comes in to see what the noise is about and watches for a couple of minutes. I’ve had enough of these pair of tits so I say, “You’re shouting, so I’m leaving” and then housemate yells at me to not to talk to his mum like that. I told him to get a grip and left.

Then she starts telling me I should go and tidy my bedroom because it’s a mess. I laugh and tell her that a) I’m a big boy now, and I can do what I like, b) she’s not my mam, c) its not her house so she can’t tell me what to do and d) “what the fuck have you been doing going in my bedroom?!” I’ve since put a wanging great big £30 Yale lock on my door!

She threatens me some more, so I ask her to leave. She refused and became violent so I left before I did something which would get me in the shit!

I think she’ll next be incoming at the weekend. Anybody got some useful advice? I was thinking I might behave like my dog; shit in the garden and bark at her once she starts shouting, all this whilst possibly naked – I’m undecided on that bit.

Also, she has no legal status in the house; housemate and I are 50/50. So where do I stand legally? The next time she’s over and refuses to leave should I call the police? Or should I just hump her leg until she leaves/the police arrive?!

23 years old and I'm told to tidy my room! HA! Roll on this weekend! Amplivox and bin lid to hand I think!
if ur mates not there and his mum is then you can kick her choclate chip mint paint outa that house. 8)
Where abouts are you TB?? I'll get my rugby team round, with a lot of slabs, watch the 2 rugby games, play some drinking games, end up naked (in the straight way), and have an impromptu midnight BBQ in the garden!

No doubt it'd take 60mins to repaint the kitchen with some help!

Also, tell your sissy mate to get a grip his life, and his mum before you forearm smash her in the grid, and give her a mexican bumbw@nk before she comes round.
She's obviously gagging for you and this is all just her way of getting your attention. Smash an empty vodka bottle in her face before taking her violently up the gary and forcing her to lick your blood-and-shit coated member clean.

She'll thank you for it and may even repaint the kitchen.
Think I would be inclined to have the kitchen re-painted in cream just in time for her return at the weekend - cheeky biatch! ....... Oh ....... and seeing as she has sooooooooo much time on her hands, throw a wild one on the friday night and let her come in and clean it all up :wink:
fukcing bench her, give her one up the wrong un with naa lube !! throw a couple of kidney punches in as well!! she will get the message soon enough
As I told you tuesday mate re paint 50% of the house whatever colour you want but do it in stripes and lines so 50% of the total surface area of the wall is a different colour paint a giant welsh flag on the living room wall(that would stop me buying a house :D ) paint alternate roof tiles pink get a shed load of beer in and me and the rest of the troop will come round and help (I reckon we could get the rather large former member named after a mass murder to help too) walk around bollocko (complete with bonner) every time she comes round, as she like nosing round hide(badly) hard core gay porn in you housemates room, do all your cooking on a hexi burner on the living room floor live like a slob shouldn't be to hard for you or just smash his face in :D
You could turn the tables! Find out where she lives, then go round at some rediculous early hour, say 0630 hours. Enter the house shouting "STAND BY YOUR BEDS!!" Then precede to inspect her gaff.

The old classics, such as throwing the contents of her wardrobe out of the window, upturning her bed etc will no doubt go down a storm!
trombone84 said:
i feel your pain. back when i lived with the birth giver she made me paint our (well her) kitchen mint green despite my protestations of dodgy colourness.
Accuse his mum of going through your drawers, and say that some personal pictures and some underwear is missing.
Trombone - your last names not Ullallabudbud is it an your just psissed off because it's not LIME GREEN instead.
Go to the stores and sign out a backbone and a can of manthefuckup. Next time the bitch comes round, chin her like you would your own mother and give your mummy's boy boyfriend a slap aswell for good measure.
TPR_C_Hunt said:
Go to the stores and sign out a backbone and a can of manthefuckup. Next time the bitch comes round, chin her like you would your own mother and give your mummy's boy boyfriend a slap aswell for good measure. with Chunt on this, oh and a tin a Magnolia while you're there.

Beebs x
its easy

your mate if he wants to sell - NEEDS you co operation

a word of warning in his shell like to the effect that

if he doesnt get rid of his mum - then you are going to bring a

caravan full of pikey greyhound owners into the house every time

a prospective buyer is getting the tour.

Your mate if he has any sense will bend over backwards to co operate
Play along and when anyone comes round to view the place be sat in the living room in your skiddies eating dog food and drinking ketchup and tell the perspective owner that you come as a live in lodger.
tell her to fook off, or be really nice and fill her coffee tea what ever with laxatives(quite tame by arrse standards i believe)
why not buy the other half off your mate if you don't want to sell
I'll pop round and finish the sink in, 'P1ss yellow'.

You can't get that on a card. I will charge for the sink and do the Dragon's shirt back for free.

Filtered !
Let me get this right, you bought a house with your mate on a joint mortgage and now he wants out?
He could rent out his room to cover his half of the mortgage and you both get to keep the house. It would be the best option otherwise you two will loose lots of money on selling the house/paying off the mortgage early/cnut charges etc.
Will he be moving into his Mummy's when he moves out?

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