Some things never change...

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Yeoman_dai, Aug 25, 2009.

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  1. I stole this Lock Stock from PPrune, but it rings true even today...

    "MESSAGE FROM THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON TO THE BRITISH FOREIGN OFFICE IN LONDON -- written from Central Spain, August 1812

    Gentlemen,

    Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the
    approach to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been
    diligently complying with your requests which have been sent by H.M.
    ship from London to Lisbon and thence by dispatch to our headquarters.

    We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, tents and tent poles, and all
    manner of sundry items for which His Majesty's Government holds me
    accountable. I have dispatched reports on the character, wit, and
    spleen of every officer. Each item and every farthing has been
    accounted for, with two regrettable exceptions for which I beg your
    indulgence.

    Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains
    unaccounted for in one infantry battalion's petty cash and there has
    been a hideous confusion as the number of jars of raspberry jam issued
    to one cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain. This
    reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of
    circumstance, since we are at war with France, a fact which may come
    as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall.

    This brings me to my present purpose, which is to request elucidation
    of my instructions from His Majesty's Government so that I may better
    understand why I am dragging an army over these barren plains. I
    construe that perforce it must be one of two alternative duties, as
    given below. I shall pursue either one with the best of my ability,
    but I cannot do both:

    1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the
    benefit of the accountants and copy-boys in London or perchance,

    2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon are driven out of Spain.

    Your most obedient servant

    Wellington
     
  2. Beautiful. Every bit as applicable today. Change the recipient of missive to say . . . . Foulkes or Jones.
     
  3. Spot on.
     
  4. T,was ever thus... :roll: :roll: :roll:
     
  5. Doubt very much that it is true though. Sounds like a mid 20thC satire to me. :)