Some of lifes unanswered questions

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Jun 27, 2012.

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  1. Now.

    Well chaps I think we should be putting the really important unanswered questions to bed. I believe the power of arrse can do this, as a collective mental capacity it is like brainstorming session to get those big questions. So if you have any questions maybe we can answer them.

    My questions are:

    Why the fuck when I go out on the tap with my mates, I get the fat ugly bird and the other is a stunner? I know I am not rats - as I can say i have bummed a couple of lookers also in time.

    Why does toast land butter side up on my new pile carpet.

    Whose that dirty cunt in the block/work who fails to flush the shit down the proper in the bog.

    Why is it when i am on the R and R flight - I am the poor cunt who gets the shittest seat and latest plane back to UK.

    If you have anymore question I am sure the powers of ARRSE can answer them.....
  2. Even though you never clean out the van....... even though you pick your nose, roll up the bogies and flick them on the floor....

    You never ever end up ankle deep in bogies........

    Do the spiders that live in your wing- mirrors sneak in at night to feast on them?
  3. Now thats strange, mine always seems to land butter side down.
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  4. Why are people still eating butter when it has been proved beyond all doubt that it will cause a build up of cholesterol which might, err possibly, kill you?. Why do advertising companies that work for margerine manufacturers talk bollocks?
  5. Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
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  6. Why hasn`t the Monopolies Commission been privatised so that all the tax dodging bent bankers can regulate each other?
  7. How could my Slovak ex wife turn into such a money grabbing bitch?
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  8. Why is it that my 8year old nephew with no military experience can kick the shit out of me at Battlefield 3. When I have 15 years worth?
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  9. If a tree falls in a forest and there's no-one there, do the other trees point at it and laugh?
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  10. Why won't my ex wife die?

    Why when I visit the dale is she always in her fucking pit and I have to knock on the door like a rozzer to get her up.

    Why do the blokes at work think all the skives they do are original.

    Why do people ring me at work and ask questions when they know, with the amount of time I have left, I couldn't give a fuck.

    Why do all the traffic lights on my way to work change to red as I approach them.
  11. It`s coz you don`t drive fast enough. Simple really.
  12. Why, when my wife say's "Don't bother getting me anything for Christmas" she fucking means "Buy me something mega" but when she says "Leave my arse alone" she means it?
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  13. If you are in the outside seat on a row of 3 on a flight and the middle seat is empty, the last person to board will always be in that seat.
  14. Why does your wife always yell to me "Slap my arse harder"?
  15. Why is it that fat ugly birds think that numerous facial piercings and random tattoos somehow make them attractive?
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