Some jokes for a Friday

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by stoatman, Apr 8, 2005.

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  1. > >> One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam
    > >> calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
    > >> "What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
    > >> "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and
    > >> surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these
    > >> wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy"
    > >> "Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
    > >> "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this
    > >> lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am
    > >> lonely."
    > >> "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I
    > >> shall create a 'woman' for you."
    > >> "What's a 'woman', Lord?"
    > >> "This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive,
    > >> caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will
    > >> be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want
    > >> before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that
    > >> she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her
    > >> beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will
    > >> unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will
    > >> be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
    > >> "Sounds great."
    > >> "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
    > >> "How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?, Adam replies.
    > >> "She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an
    > >> ear, and your left testicle."
    > >> Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought
    > >> and concern on his face.
    > >> Finally Adam says to God, "Uhhh, what can I get for a rib?"
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> =========================================
    > >> =========================================
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and
    > >> they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says,
    > >> "You know we're starting to get on each other's nerves! Why don't we
    > >> split up today? I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you
    > >> hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and
    > >> share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and
    > >> hikes south. The first man hikes north.
    > >> That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "I hiked into a
    > >> beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch.
    > >> Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried
    > >> off in the sun, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The
    > >> wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated overhead
    > >> all day."
    > >> The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad
    > >> tracks. I was following them when I came across a beautiful young
    > >> woman tied to the tracks! I cut the ropes off and we had sex in every
    > >> imaginable way, all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could
    > >> barely move, I came back to camp."
    > >> "Wow," the first guy says, "did you get a blow job?"
    > >> "No," replies his buddy. "I couldn't find her head."
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> =========================================
    > >> =========================================
    > >>
    > >>
    > >> A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and
    > >> engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores
    > >> their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she
    > >> hears one of the men say the following;
    > >> "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come
    > >> again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
    > >> twice. Then I come once-a-more."
    > >> "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this
    > >> country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
    > >> "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend howa
    > >> to spella Mississippi."
    > >>
    > >>