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Some jokes for a Friday

> >> One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam
> >> calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
> >> "What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
> >> "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and
> >> surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these
> >> wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy"
> >> "Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
> >> "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this
> >> lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am
> >> lonely."
> >> "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I
> >> shall create a 'woman' for you."
> >> "What's a 'woman', Lord?"
> >> "This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive,
> >> caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will
> >> be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want
> >> before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that
> >> she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her
> >> beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will
> >> unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will
> >> be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
> >> "Sounds great."
> >> "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
> >> "How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?, Adam replies.
> >> "She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an
> >> ear, and your left testicle."
> >> Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought
> >> and concern on his face.
> >> Finally Adam says to God, "Uhhh, what can I get for a rib?"
> >>
> >>
> >> =========================================
> >> =========================================
> >>
> >>
> >> Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and
> >> they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says,
> >> "You know we're starting to get on each other's nerves! Why don't we
> >> split up today? I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you
> >> hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and
> >> share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and
> >> hikes south. The first man hikes north.
> >> That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "I hiked into a
> >> beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch.
> >> Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried
> >> off in the sun, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The
> >> wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated overhead
> >> all day."
> >> The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad
> >> tracks. I was following them when I came across a beautiful young
> >> woman tied to the tracks! I cut the ropes off and we had sex in every
> >> imaginable way, all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could
> >> barely move, I came back to camp."
> >> "Wow," the first guy says, "did you get a blow job?"
> >> "No," replies his buddy. "I couldn't find her head."
> >>
> >>
> >> =========================================
> >> =========================================
> >>
> >>
> >> A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and
> >> engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores
> >> their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she
> >> hears one of the men say the following;
> >> "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come
> >> again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
> >> twice. Then I come once-a-more."
> >> "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this
> >> country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
> >> "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend howa
> >> to spella Mississippi."
> >>
> >>