some funnies !!!

This real good sort looked at my beer belly and sarcastically said,
"Is that VB or Hahn ?"
I said, " There's a tap underneath, taste it".
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day
a woman was born just by feeling their breasts,
"Really" she said. "Go on then...try"
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "yesterday".
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut,
you'd look alright."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table,
I said to her, "Nice legs".
The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so ".
I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now".
"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud that I nearly fell in.


Book Reviewer
I said to my Mrs I bet 50p I could feel her tits without taking my hands out of my pockets.
Best 50p I have spent this year
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