some funnies !!!

Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by old chef, Nov 14, 2012.

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  1. This real good sort looked at my beer belly and sarcastically said,
    "Is that VB or Hahn ?"
    I said, " There's a tap underneath, taste it".
    I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day
    a woman was born just by feeling their breasts,
    "Really" she said. "Go on then...try"
    After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
    "Come on, what day was I born"?
    I said, "yesterday".
    I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
    She said, "If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut,
    you'd look alright."
    I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."
    I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table,
    I said to her, "Nice legs".
    The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so ".
    I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now".
    "Jesus loves you."
    A nice gesture in church.
    A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
    Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.
    The lifeguard shouted at me so loud that I nearly fell in.
  2. I said to my Mrs I bet 50p I could feel her tits without taking my hands out of my pockets.
    Best 50p I have spent this year