Solving Britains Obesity Crisis

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by headgear, Jan 11, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. After watching 'Fat ward' on ITV this weekand and a particularly annoying 47 Stone Geordie waster I think I've thought up the cheapist and easiest solution:

    1. A team of 'fatcatchers' could patrol Britains streets looking for suitably fat people whereupon they would be bagged and tagged into the back of a Bedford.
    2. Aforesaid fatties could then be transfered to the nearest airport where they can be paletised and loaded on to a hercy bird.
    3. Hercy bird could then airdrop the pallets of fat onto a remote island or the middle of Salisbury plain.
    4. The DZ would contain the basics of life eg tentage, canvas bickets, basic foodstuffs - the idea being that the fatties would have no option other than to build shelter or die.
    5. Of course the site would be far enough away from water that they would have to waddle back and forwards to fetch supplies whilst fuel for the fires would be on top of a local hill - of course that would be trees that would need to be chopped up and dragged back to the camp for more phys
    6. Any ration drops would be done a sufficient distance away so they would have to work to eat.
    7. For luxuries eg radio/tv/lighting/heating then I would ensure there were some exercise bicycle electrical generators so that they would have the option to cycle or suffer.
    8. And of course they would have to earn shit roll by digging latrines

    There are many other tweeks that could be done to this plan but I bet that the weight loss would be quite dramatic and that their attitudes would change forever! (as well as saving the country a huge amount of money in benefits and health care)
     
  2. I think most of the fatties would sit in a heap feeling sorry for themselves until they finally got so upset with hunger that they have a massive stroke or heart attack, then we'd have to send a chinook out to lift the bodies back to civilisation, at great expense.

    Nice idea though, I could see Dermot O'Leary presenting it.
     
  3. I have a much easier method which is far more fun. Import large numbers of Inuit and give them all the harpoons they need and declare open season on fatties. Send out camera teams to record the best kills and transmit at prime time viewing. Who wants to be a millionaire, Britains got talent etc would stand no chance.
     
  4. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    good idea now you just have to sell it to the idiots in the palace of westminster,.
     
  5. Just set fire to them, obesity AND energy crisis solved in one go
     
  6. If we deport all our fat cunts to America they'll be considered thin there!
     
    • Like Like x 2
  7. You are forgetting our carbon emissions targets. Fatties don't burn very cleanly, think burning chops on the grill at home, very smokey!
     
  8. Don't worry I'm working on a solution for that 1


    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. It is a renewable resource though, the actual carbon footprint is therefore zero, unless you use fossil fuels to light them up!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Even the most efficient incinerators use about 4-5 litres of diesel per hour of burning, an average obese blob could weigh as much as a cow, and take several hours to burn. Far better to stick to the original idea and let them burn it off organically, the only by-product then being methane from their disgusting withdrawal farts, and ketosis breath.
     
  11. Benefits and tax should be linked to BMI, i.e.

    BMI 25 or less - 100% of benefits, no tax penalty.

    BMI 26-30 - 50% benefits withdrawn, 20% added 'Fat cunt tax' added to VAT.

    BMI above 30 - Not eligible for benefits, 60% VAT on all purchases.

    The fat cunts would beast themselves or starve, either way, job jobbed.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. BMI is not a good indicator of health and fitness. % body fat is a better way of doing it.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  13. Too fat to work? Ok you're given 6 months to reduce your weight to the point that you can get off yer ARRSE.
    Then you climb on an exercise bike linked to the National grid and you contribute by generating power. No Watts no benefit.
    I'm sure after a few months the weight would magically disappear.
    Any who refuse are left to starve or their family can look after them.
     
    • Like Like x 3