Softly, Softly, Catch A Monkey!!!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Easymeister, Jan 10, 2006.

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  1. Softly, Softly, Catch A monkey!!

    I could could catch a monkey if I had too!!

    If I was in the jungle I could catch a monkey to survive, Could You????
  2. The actual phrase is:-

    "Softly softly catchee monkey!"

    (pedants hat off :wink: )

    Yes I could, although I'm very protective of my monkey catching technique. How would you do it?
  3. I'd do it softly softly obviously....
  4. 1.Honeycomb
    2.Tree with hole in it.
    3.Put honeycomb in tree
    4.Monkey grabs honeycomb but fist now too big to remove from tree and monkey won't let go of honeycomb
    5.Put string around monkey neck
    6.Let monkey lead you to water
    7.Kill and eat monkey
    8.Honeycomb for dessert...
  5. Oh Oh - you be careful. Racist alert. Written in style of Hollywood Chinese!
  6. 1. Try to get honeycomb in middle of jungle - Stung to death by maddend killer bees.
    2. Climbing 100s of trees to find a hole - Fall out of tree to painful death
    3. Putting hand in hole in tree - Bitten/stung to death by any number of beasties that live in treeholes
    4. Maybe
    5. Peeling creepers/vines to make string - Catch some awful spotted fungus/rash and die in agony a few days later
    6. Monkey is annoyed at string round neck - Bitten/clawed/clubbed to death by monkey
    7. Eating a monkey - Catch either green monkey disease and die later or catch Trichinella and bee in agony sooner.
    8. Honeycomb for dessert - see point 1 above.

  7. All seems a bit convoluted to me. Why not just stand at the gates at Lisburn or a similar establishment, act drunk, p*ss on the guardroom and when aforesaid monkey comes running out to feel your collar stick a poncho over his head and club til suitably inactive? :D

  8. so, what needs to be soft to catch a monkey then?
  9. most monkeys are soft mate...
  10. I had no problems with this method in Botswana need to climb tree either, just found hole at ground level - a bit like a night club in the Shot...
  11. shoot the fooker!