Sofa - So Good?

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by BuckFelize, Dec 26, 2011.

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  1. OC Domestic posed me a question that I could not answer last night during 'Downton'. How can sofa (and bed) retailers afford to air endless TV ads – even during peak times and during eagerly-awaited seasonal one-offs? How? There are two sofa outlets near to where I live and they’re both ******* enormous barns-full of stuff that nobody (seemingly) wants – even with 50% off sales that run all year round. The car parks have a couple of wagons in them and I assume they belong to the staff. Apart from that they’re empty.

    There’s never any shoppers in them because I have looked: empty. Empty – apart from myself, OC Domestic and the sales person torpedoing their way towards us through the rows of gauche drailon carbuncles like a spaniel in Terminal 4. How can a company have hundreds of large national outlets that seemingly sell **** all - and who must spend billions annually on back-to-back commercials running endlessly 24/7 - afford it? Sofas (and beds) are hardly C Stores items. There’s only so many people who will require a sofa at any one time surely?

    I worked out that it cost upwards of a million quid to air one thirty second commercial during last night’s episode of Downton Abbey. Every commercial break contained the same advert. In fact the same advert seems to be on every time I turn the box on. How does this work? I know times are hard (supposedly) and that stores are having a tough time pedalling their wares, but if I went into my bank manager with a business plan for a national warehouse chain selling expensive shit that hardly shifts - and with a bottomless pot for advertising then I’m sure he’d **** me off out of his office tout suite [See what I did there?].

    I know the ARRSE web spreads wide, so I’m wondering if there’s any ex-SCS operators who could shed light on this baffling conspiracy. Are all sofa outlets part of an international finance scam run by the Russian mafia or is it something... darker. I think we should be told.
     
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  2. Next time you find yourself in an emporium of discounted sofas, have a shufty at how they're constructed. Mind your pinkies on the staples.

    Buy cheap, buy twice.
     
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  3. Aye, I know that, as I'm forever cutting my hand on staples retrieving the monster's doggie chews and (inevitably) pound coins. But even our cheap shit furniture lasts more than a month.
     
  4. Agree with Cloudbuster, I worked for Klausnner/the sofa company years ago at the factory.
    The only real skilled work was by the sewing machinists. Though if you worked there and bought something it was marked up specially as it went through the factory and a lot more care was taken in its construction (extra springs, triple layers of material over the springs, extra foam, everything double/triple stitched).
    Most opressive place I've ever worked in.
    The amount of returns we used to get was staggering.
     
  5. Maybe you need something for your pooch:

    Rattan Mattaban Pet Bed large - OKA £269? Bargin! :)
     
  6. If Starhouse Furnishings could stay in business for as long as they did then any ****** can.
     
  7. A lot of the furniture is from China along with the associated problems ProMED-mail |
     
  8. We were left some beds in the place we bought last year, as we had our own beds, we didnt really need them. So we adverised them on freecycle etc and even aproached sheltered housing charities and others who it turns out would rather have people sleep on the floor than accept a 2nd hand bed... But thats a different story

    They weren't even cheap beds, but when I broke them down, underneath the material was the pikiest bed frame ever constructed, I have been given broken pallets made from sterner stuff (and job done better to) They were just horrible and truly nasty, yet companies think they can charge hundreds for what must cost less than £5 including materials and labour...
     
  9. Those goods are great eh? always turn up in perfect condition and never start to rot after a month.
    Have you seen what they charge for this stuff??? All on credit? Course you have, I did hear from a driver with one such firm that these suites fly out the back of their warehouses, courtesy of local authorities/benefits agencies. Destined for customers in poverty
    or not usually of these shores. Nothing wrong with charity and helping those in need is there.

    Do finance deals, and backdated interest on "attractive" buy now pay later schemes, rake in zillions?

    Also remember that not all this furniture is really leather so good profit margins. Do these companies not just sell credit? And no discounts direct to individuals , preferring to throw in some other buckshee piece of furniture.
    Might be wrong, and if it's true then good luck to them after all this is Christmas, and a Christian country. HM said so.
     
  10. It's like lend lease from the war, they give you it and you end up paying over decades f
     
  11. Just out of curiosity how did you arrive at that sum?
     
  12. DO a lot of sofa movements for IKEA. The stuff is/was made in Manchester then shipped to the UK stores. To put it bluntly it was feckin shite. The amount that used to fall apart during loading and unloading was unreal.
     
  13. The quality is pants, the materials cheap, and the mark up phenomenal.

    You can move a three seat Pine framed sofa with one finger, try doing that with a Beech framed two seater.

    The other thing about the ads is that where you see home interiors they fit an eight seater right-angled unit away from the walls, with space for people to walk two abreast around the back. The people who can afford that sort of sized drawing room get their furniture made to order by milord Linley the artisan.
     
  14. I think that has a lot to do with the "interest free for 5 years pay nothing for the first year" that the gullible sign up for. If they are flogging a sofa for a grand, they would have really sold it to a finance company for about 400 quid who then sells it on "interest free" for a £1000 spread over five years.
     
  15. With a scrap of paper and a blunt pencil - and a hefty dose of cynicism. Peak time + Christmas Day + Popular & eagerly-awaited seasonal drama? £250,000 (at least) per showing x 4? I'd be very surprised if they had enough left out of a six-figure sum for a taxi ride. Not to worry, my suspicions have been vindicated. It's a Chinese plot.