Soap Opera Scripts - your chance

Imagine the situation where your phone rings - or you receive a letter - from one of the heads of light entertainment for one of the channels saying that theyve heard your a budding script writer and want you to write a script or scene for inclusion in eastenders/coronation street/emmerdale/neighbours or whatever p1sh and drivel you care to do. It can be as obscene/deviant/unrealistic as you like - and lets face it most of the plots are prety bizzare - the floor is yours.

I have concocted the following short scene - the cast of emmerdale and east enders happent to visit the set of coronation street on the same day - whilst meeting the cast in the rovers return there is a catastrophic gas explosion - true to life the fire service are on strike - and by the time two green goddesses arrive to sort out the carnage, everyone is carbonised - the end.
Yes but being soap land thay can return from the dead willy something more substantial than a gas explosion is required....maybe they could visit Sellafield and Dot Cotton could push them all in the nuclear reactor one by one......dressed in a leather peep hole bra with Jim hanging out of her back doors?



A Group of soldiers stand at the bar attempting to shag the barmaid. It is clear from their foul language, nakedness and unsteady gait that they are drunk: One of them stands on the bar and carries out the dance of the flaming arrseholes, the rest of them cheer drunkenly.

SOLDIER #1 (To his colleagues)

"Is it just me or can anyone smell burning?"
But can you imagine what sort of mutants could come out of that - could be normal human beings that arent faaaammmily.
I can do better than that ..... and keeping in multicultral theme too :)

East Enders .....

Iranian intelligence/suicide officer sits down in Albert square with suitcase nuclear bomb ...... flash .. cut to Bianca face, she points look ricccckkkkkkky he looks like he is up to no good ... Iranian pushes button instant glass sheet known formally as London :)

Coronation street .....

Mike has been pushed into using his factory by a ruthless drug gang to recieve, weigh and distribute their drugs ... Rival gang makes it's move and in a scene spiecially directed by Mr Tarantino the cast gets slaughtered in the crossfire and making a brave last stand protecting the kids in the Rovers Return.... :)

Emmerdale .........

Osma Bin laden realising that without british farming we will starve sends a team of Jihadi's on a hiking holiday to the little village ... unfortuntley they are infected with and carrying Anthrax .... The goverment seals the area off and they all die a cruesome painful death on camera ....... :)

I also write childrens bedtime stories :)


Sorry about bad spelling drugs have kicked in (perscribed not aquired :) )


Yes but this was meant to be a humorous satirical thread.... you have no imagination do you! ;-)
RSPCA arrive on set of Cora and have Gail Tinnersly arrested for cruelty to small furry animals every time she cries. At the same time Fred holds a meat feast wake in the Rovers for Tony Banks. Mike Baldwin remembers that he owes me £5000 and sends cash round straight away.
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