Soap Dodgers

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TaffYorkie, Jul 4, 2008.

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  1. I'm currently sitting in work with a Crunchie and a cup of Tetley getting that Friday feeling. I've got all the work for the week squared up, and another 5 hours to go before I can make a break for the business lounge for copious amounts of free gin. Whilst in my state of boredom and influenced by the tramp sucking thread, I got to thinking of a chap I know who is a complete soap dodger. If I knew any better I'd have said he was dragged up by some sort of pack of feral animals in the wilds of Donegal. He has more body hair than Chewbacca, and has a biohazard exclusion zone of 50m around him!

    Having spent some time with said chap on exercise/training, I have only ever known him to have a shower once, and that was on the Liverpool boat to Belfast. After a night of getting boozed up in the boats bar, we headed back to the 6x6 four berth cabins that make Belsen look like Butlins. Thankfully and by the grace of Allah I managed not to draw the short straw to be bunked up with this cnut. Needless to say we were all alerted by his unfortunate bunkmates to the event- the shower. To this day I still can't believe this donut, and it puts a cheesy one on my face. Being a complete soap dodger he obviously had no need to carry a towel, and although there was a towel supplied in the berth, he had no idea what to do with it. Instead, before the bar closed, he managed to sneak into the cafeteria area on the boat. Where he managed to pilfer a loaf of Sunblest. The stinky fcuker then managed to dry himself with said loaf. What's worse he then carefully returned every single slice into the packet, and placed the said loaf back in the cafeteria before breakfast.

    I didn't have any toast... Several did though 8O

    Well gets me to thinking that there must be some howling stories of real dirty soap dodgers out there, given that the exploits of said trolley were quite tame. What's the dirtiest soap dodger you know, and what did they do to merit the title?
  2. I thought this thread was about our Weegie friends from Glasgow!
  3. Or their cousins from:
    Manchester/Liverpool/Newcastle/Middlesborough/Barnsley/Leeds/Hull/Sunderland/Coventry/Scarborough/MiltonKeynes/Bristol/Portsmouth, etc.
  4. Really? I mean, really really? Or were you just lost for a funny ending?

    Have a word freckles! :D
  5. Did you not just dump him in the bath, cover him in Jif (preferably lemon for that fresh citrus scent) and scrub the minging fatherless with bass brooms??
  6. Funny you should say that - he's now a bootie! I think he'd have got off on those sorts of shenanigans!

    ...And yes he did skiff the bread and place it back on the shelf ready to be roller toasted!!!

    Same fellow was on a stag party with us, and broke into the room next door in the place we were staying, where he proceeded to leave his man fat in some strangers hair wax...

    More than a word has been said, but really it's falling on deaf ears...
  7. I think you are lying.......................
  8. Welcome back Snail.....fixed your laptop yet?
  9. I think you are a cnut!............
  10. We had a grotty little fcuker crossed trooped into us in basic right little bog rat he was. Would never wash his civies even though they were covered in yellow floor wax. To make matters worse this creature who was all skin and bones and made a jew in Belsen look fat would also help himself to our underwear from the drying room as he had none left. The cumulation came when during an SSM's room inspection it turned out that the filthy tw@t had a tin of 1/2 eaten compo festering away since ex 6 weeks before and his resi bag was full of dried spew.
    Needless to say we filled the cnut in outside the block and got caught by the OC who asked what were were doing and told us if we were going to give someone a spanking to do it were he wouldnt see it and left on his merry way :twisted:
  11. I've got a pretty strong constitution, but once in Warsaw I got on a tram and nearly spewed my guts at the smell. There was some tramplike thing that I swear had weeping gangrene on a leg wound. Got off at the next stop even though I was in a hurry, just to get some deep lungfulls of nearly fresh air. It's a funny thing about the homeless types in this part of the world that the stench they carry around with them seems to cling to you if you have to share the same bus, tram or what even for a few minutes. Having said that, quite a few of the people who are blessed with housing and a water supply seem to have problems knowing what to do with it. Many have evolved a distinctive smell. I've toyed with the idea of replicating it and bottling it for the benefit of anyone who would like to integrate more closely with the locals. The aroma of garlic mixed with industrial alcohol is the easy bit, but I'm having trouble working out how to replicate the smell of clothing that hasn't been washed for weeks at a time ( and probably been slept in for that length of time as well ).