So why aren't we all dead yet?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by nobbyd, Oct 15, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. BBC News - Handwashing: Why are the British so bad at washing their hands?

    If this many bacteria are so super dangerous, why aren't we all dead already? I think the fact we are all still alive suggests we are just being told whats good for us by people trying to justify their position spunking public money and avoiding real work.

    Personally, I'm convinced the "got to disinfect everything" mentallity is responsible for so many asthamtic (and similar) kids

    AND, adverts telling us to clean this, wash that, disinfect the other so we dont eat bugs, then Danone tell us to eat whizzo yoghurt with bugs in to make us healthy

    AND, while I'm in the frame of mind, "eat fresh fruit and veg, it's good for you", followed by "oooh, all this fresh fruit, it's fucking your teeth up, by this toothpaste with concrete in it"

    Bunch of fuckers? Or am I just just a miserable twat?

    • Like Like x 1
  2. Somedays you just need to have a proper go at life, don't you?

    I of course was dead for several years, but as I worked for the government, nobody noticed.
  3. I counted the coins in my pocket, then straight away made a sandwich. Living on the edge I am - none of this plummeting out of a space going balloon gayness for me
  4. Entirely plausible. I spent three years in a particular govt agency's ' Research & Analysis' Dept - used to come home very refreshed at tea time most nights after a couple of hours of sleep under my desk every day.
  5. Because we have built an immune system, unlike all these anti germ freaks who spend their lives ill because they are obsessed with cleanliness.

    Tits, Fannies, Anal Sex.
    • Like Like x 4
  6. Fucking in one. The only hand washing rule I really enforced with the kids was "at dinner/tea time, no more than five shades difference on the dulux colour scale between elbow and hand".

    Healthy as fuck, except for periodic nits during term time, and ticks if they've been rolling in the wrong bit of the garden
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Cold_Collation

    Cold_Collation LE Book Reviewer

    ...which evolved over millions of years. Unlike the marketing of sanitation products, which is a fairly recent thing.
  8. You are Hotblack Desiato and I claim my Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.
    • Like Like x 6
  9. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    I'm sort of torn on this one.

    On the one hand, a small company in which I have an interest makes a fucking fortune flogging snake-oil pills.You know the score...

    Pro-Bioctive For Men. Keep it up, Keep your hair. Drive a BMW in 2 weeks or your money back.
    Pro-Bioctive For Women. No more period pains, bigger tits, better sex but your Mum will never suspect. Learn to park a car within 3 days or your money back.
    Pro-Bioctive For Kids. Your drooling ginger spaz will end up Prime Minister after a successful career as a brain surgeon or your money back.
    Pro-Bioctive For Welsh. Find new uses for sheep. Like meat and wool.

    The other half of me says that bacteria build your immune system. As a younger man in sandy places the first to drop were the Swiss. Closely followed by the Septics and Scowegians.

    The French, Brits and Eyeties mostly breezed through because we were filthy dirty cunts and thus immune to filthy foreign germs.
    • Like Like x 9
  10. I don't mind eating with grubby hands from grafting or whatever, but theres no excuse for scruffy cunts who don't wash their hands after going for a shit/piss/wank in an office environment.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. That was for tax reasons.
  12. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    Dirty sods should use the bogs, like everyone else.
    • Like Like x 2
  13. A good friend of mine back home grew up with a Matron as a mother. He was a dettol baby and now if so much as a waft of breeze from the general direction of a polished dog turd comes his way, he is laid up for months. Shite immune system see.

    As its the NAAFI....he's a hermer so it could just be AIDS.
  14. Try it, it's tasty. Honest
    • Like Like x 1
  15. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    So if you are doing the wild thing and you jam your finger up her starfish, are you supposed to wash it first? Or after? Or both?

    What is your take on snowballs? And Frottaging - Does one wash ones mouth out with soapy water after frottaging? Or before?