So which Arrser would you put in government?

After all the recent threads and posts about our lack of faith in our political leaders it struck me that the best way to clear out the mess would be to present some new parties rather than purge the ones we have.
This led me to realise that on the Arrse we have a wide range of talent who could do a good job, and who have already demonstrated their willingness to serve and if necessary lay down their lives for their country. The latter being something that I rather doubt that even one in a hundred of those currently in Parliament would be prepared to do.

So here is my proposal for the first Arrse Shadow Cabinet, open to comments, completions, and suggestions.

PM ………….Good CO – for his abilities in managing this lot.

Chancellor……Bad CO – for his ability to give bad news and necessary measures to be undertaken.

The above two are for their talents obviously, and not because I am a grovelling little bootlicker, not at all.

Home Sec……..Chocolate Frog – The Channel would soon be full of foreign types paddling home, and the streets full of freshly-birched chavs hanging from lamp-posts as examples.

Defence…………Putteesinmyhands – Yorkshire type, get value for money.Would also make sure the TA was not abused any more.

Min for Culture…..MDN – has got to be worth watching this.

Foreign Sec. ……….The Lord Flasheart – Would soon have Johnny Foreigner in his place with a few well-chosen fleas in ears. Plus I can just hear his first conversation with Hilary Clinton.
“Right so we will double the Army in size, but first we all round up everything we have, pile into Afghanland, and spread the Taliban all over the mountains. Don’t worry about the other NATO leaders I’ll soon have them in line; you just get the CIA to arrange a fatal car accident for Chubb.
Now that’s all sorted, do you take it up the hoop?”

Education……………...Smartascarrots - Who else? Common sense and dry wit will have them jumping in the ministry

Transport………………Old Fat And Hairy – well he does know all about motorised wheelchairs.

Sport…………………..Sandmanfez – fittest bugger on the site.

Religion………………..Tattybadger – see here
Also as RAOC baker he knows about bread, and all soldiers know about quaffing wine.

Unsure as to who for Employment, -someone to have the fat dole-abusers cleaning the streets and building roads to earn it perhaps- Health, and AG & Fish.

Embassies now.

Russia...........Scaleyalbereto, as he like heffalumps so much he can find loads there.

Afghanistan....Jarrod, given the proclivities of the arab male he should be happy there.

Australia.........Dwarf, because I'm always down under.

Suggestions for more?

Edit. as I don't know my education from employment.
drain_sniffer said:
can I be the minister for the Commonwealth? particular reason, just fancy the travel
Provided you like curries. But you may have to leave that blue shirt at home.
Paper_Tiger said:
I'd probably put AlphaFive into government; my rationale being thus...
You have no rationale as you have about 5 different usernames on the go at the minute. Don't you Danny or is it Leon? Forgot to add Colin too, also airfix etc etc etc etc etc
Where would ForcesSweetheart fit in?
FiveAlpha said:
Ritch said:
Where would ForcesSweetheart fit in?
In the slot labelled 'I once fucked a Jacket officer so I think I'll go on a forces website and be the voice of authority'
Hmm, good idea. Personally I'd stick her in the Education Secretary slot.
I'd be more than happy to take the Foreign Sec job. One condition and one condition only. I get to control the nukes. I want the big red fuck-off button. Every foreign trip I went on, I'd carry the BRFOB and use it as a 'negotiating tool' to all the Johnny foreigners I had the displeasure of dealing with. If they didn't play ball, I'd turn their shit hole of a country into a marble floored car park.
Im not sure if he is an avid arrse user but i would like to see the one and only Mike Golden as PM. His way with words, intellect and down right honesty is just what this country needs to get back on its feet!
I'm greatly flattered and of course will make myself immediately available at Her Majesty's pleasure. I may be able to fit Beatrice and Eugenie in as well, once I've got my breath back.

One question: does this mean I have to call myself a politician? There are some depths to which I won't sink, even for patriotism...
Right since the average MP makes £64,766
A Cabinet post would be better as well £141,866 lasts a wee bit longer.
So to be thorough here is the complete list of jobs.

Prime Minister
First Lord of the Treasury
Minister for the Civil Service
Chancellor of the Exchequer
Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs
Secretary of State for Justice
Lord Chancellor
Secretary of State for the Home Department
Secretary of State for Health
Secretary of State for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform
Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
Secretary of State for International Development
Secretary of State for Defence
Leader of the House of Commons
Lord Privy Seal
Minister for Women and Equalities
Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government
Secretary of State for Transport
Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families
Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions
Secretary of State for Northern Ireland
Leader of the House of Lords
Lord President of the Council
Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport
Secretary of State for Innovation, Universities and Skills
Chief Secretary to the Treasury
Secretary of State for Wales
Secretary of State for Scotland
tiger stacker said:
Right since the average MP makes £64,766
A Cabinet post would be better as well £141,866 lasts a wee bit longer.
So to be thorough here is the complete list of jobs.

Secretary of State for Wales

"Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to lose his soul for the whole world... but for Wales?"
- A Man for all Seasons


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Can I be Speaker? I am sure I would look good in those tights. :oops:
Bear in mind that Harriet Harperson's new equalities bill will require you to demonstrate diversity and opposition to discrimination on the grounds of age.

It would seem sensible to appoint an older person from the RN or RAF in order to avoid trouble with the equality Nazis. A mature matelot would seem to be ideal. I'm not thinking of anybody in particular but I did wonder whether the subsidised terrace bar in Parliament serves Pusser's Rum rather than some inferior brand.
Try "Secretary of State for Work and Pensions", it would suit you better!! :wink:[/quote]

He certainly couldn't do a worse job than the current tossers!

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