So which Arrser would you put in government?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dwarf, May 16, 2009.

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  1. After all the recent threads and posts about our lack of faith in our political leaders it struck me that the best way to clear out the mess would be to present some new parties rather than purge the ones we have.
    This led me to realise that on the Arrse we have a wide range of talent who could do a good job, and who have already demonstrated their willingness to serve and if necessary lay down their lives for their country. The latter being something that I rather doubt that even one in a hundred of those currently in Parliament would be prepared to do.

    So here is my proposal for the first Arrse Shadow Cabinet, open to comments, completions, and suggestions.

    PM ………….Good CO – for his abilities in managing this lot.

    Chancellor……Bad CO – for his ability to give bad news and necessary measures to be undertaken.

    The above two are for their talents obviously, and not because I am a grovelling little bootlicker, not at all.

    Home Sec……..Chocolate Frog – The Channel would soon be full of foreign types paddling home, and the streets full of freshly-birched chavs hanging from lamp-posts as examples.

    Defence…………Putteesinmyhands – Yorkshire type, get value for money.Would also make sure the TA was not abused any more.

    Min for Culture…..MDN – has got to be worth watching this.

    Foreign Sec. ……….The Lord Flasheart – Would soon have Johnny Foreigner in his place with a few well-chosen fleas in ears. Plus I can just hear his first conversation with Hilary Clinton.
    “Right so we will double the Army in size, but first we all round up everything we have, pile into Afghanland, and spread the Taliban all over the mountains. Don’t worry about the other NATO leaders I’ll soon have them in line; you just get the CIA to arrange a fatal car accident for Chubb.
    Now that’s all sorted, do you take it up the hoop?”

    Education……………...Smartascarrots - Who else? Common sense and dry wit will have them jumping in the ministry

    Transport………………Old Fat And Hairy – well he does know all about motorised wheelchairs.

    Sport…………………..Sandmanfez – fittest bugger on the site.

    Religion………………..Tattybadger – see here
    Also as RAOC baker he knows about bread, and all soldiers know about quaffing wine.

    Unsure as to who for Employment, -someone to have the fat dole-abusers cleaning the streets and building roads to earn it perhaps- Health, and AG & Fish.

    Embassies now.

    Russia...........Scaleyalbereto, as he like heffalumps so much he can find loads there.

    Afghanistan....Jarrod, given the proclivities of the arab male he should be happy there.

    Australia.........Dwarf, because I'm always down under.

    Suggestions for more?

    Edit. as I don't know my education from employment.
  2. can I be the minister for the Commonwealth? particular reason, just fancy the travel
  3. LancePrivateJones

    LancePrivateJones LE Book Reviewer

    Any chance of being Attorney General or even Lord Chancellor please?

    I'll prosecute anybody me.
  4. Provided you like curries. But you may have to leave that blue shirt at home.
  5. You have no rationale as you have about 5 different usernames on the go at the minute. Don't you Danny or is it Leon? Forgot to add Colin too, also airfix etc etc etc etc etc
  6. Where would ForcesSweetheart fit in?
  7. In the slot labelled 'I once fucked a Jacket officer so I think I'll go on a forces website and be the voice of authority'
  8. Hmm, good idea. Personally I'd stick her in the Education Secretary slot.
  9. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    Meeooow. You'll be talking about Cut and Pastes next!
  10. I'd be more than happy to take the Foreign Sec job. One condition and one condition only. I get to control the nukes. I want the big red fuck-off button. Every foreign trip I went on, I'd carry the BRFOB and use it as a 'negotiating tool' to all the Johnny foreigners I had the displeasure of dealing with. If they didn't play ball, I'd turn their shit hole of a country into a marble floored car park.
  11. Im not sure if he is an avid arrse user but i would like to see the one and only Mike Golden as PM. His way with words, intellect and down right honesty is just what this country needs to get back on its feet!
  12. I'd like to be chief whip because I'd like to spank Nadine Dorries MP

    Attached Files:

  13. I'm greatly flattered and of course will make myself immediately available at Her Majesty's pleasure. I may be able to fit Beatrice and Eugenie in as well, once I've got my breath back.

    One question: does this mean I have to call myself a politician? There are some depths to which I won't sink, even for patriotism...
  14. Right since the average MP makes £64,766
    A Cabinet post would be better as well £141,866 lasts a wee bit longer.
    So to be thorough here is the complete list of jobs.

    Prime Minister
    First Lord of the Treasury
    Minister for the Civil Service
    Chancellor of the Exchequer
    Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs
    Secretary of State for Justice
    Lord Chancellor
    Secretary of State for the Home Department
    Secretary of State for Health
    Secretary of State for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform
    Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
    Secretary of State for International Development
    Secretary of State for Defence
    Leader of the House of Commons
    Lord Privy Seal
    Minister for Women and Equalities
    Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government
    Secretary of State for Transport
    Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families
    Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change
    Secretary of State for Work and Pensions
    Secretary of State for Northern Ireland
    Leader of the House of Lords
    Lord President of the Council
    Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport
    Secretary of State for Innovation, Universities and Skills
    Chief Secretary to the Treasury
    Secretary of State for Wales
    Secretary of State for Scotland
  15. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    - A Man for all Seasons