So whats the biggest thing you've pushed up your apple

. As it came out I discovered that your ******** is connected to your eyelid and top lip, as it popped clear, both these facial features twitched and my balls tightened.

I couldn't look her in the eye for the rest of the night, much to her amusement.

Has anyone else pushed a foreign object in their poo tube?
I read that just as I was skyping with plusnet, guy asked what was so funny about upgrading your broadband didn't have the heart to explain
 
My current sqeeze even though she is over a decade older than me, is still game on for most things. And is quite demanding on the old horizontal front. Anal, S&M, simulated rape. That sort of thing. The only sort of thing that she doesn't find appealing is dogging.
Indeed, I'm quite prudish in comparison to her ex husband!
Apparently; she used to just abuse him. She used to fück him with strap ons, stick dildos up his arrse, piss in his mouth, everything.
She left him because she discovered that he was in the closet. And he used to spend his 'business trips' away with rent boys.
For ourselves, I don't mind the odd finger up there, and rough play, but I've told her that; if she tries to come anywhere near me with a strap on, or a dildo, then she'll get a right hook.
However, she remains a fecking nightmare to try and to calm down when the opportunity for open air sex presents itself!
 

Mattb

LE
My current sqeeze even though she is over a decade older than me, is still game on for most things. And is quite demanding on the old horizontal front. ****, S&M, simulated rape. That sort of thing. The only sort of thing that she doesn't find appealing is dogging.
Indeed, I'm quite prudish in comparison to her ex husband!
Apparently; she used to just abuse him. She used to fück him with strap ons, stick dildos up his arrse, piss in his mouth, everything.
She left him because she discovered that he was in the closet. And he used to spend his 'business trips' away with rent boys.
For ourselves, I don't mind the odd finger up there, and rough play, but I've told her that; if she tries to come anywhere near me with a strap on, or a dildo, then she'll get a right hook.
However, she remains a fecking nightmare to try and to calm down when the opportunity for open air sex presents itself!
If it doesn't work out between you two, can I have her number?
 
My current sqeeze even though she is over a decade older than me, is still game on for most things. And is quite demanding on the old horizontal front. ****, S&M, simulated rape. That sort of thing. The only sort of thing that she doesn't find appealing is dogging.
Indeed, I'm quite prudish in comparison to her ex husband!
Apparently; she used to just abuse him. She used to fück him with strap ons, stick dildos up his arrse, piss in his mouth, everything.
She left him because she discovered that he was in the closet. And he used to spend his 'business trips' away with rent boys.
For ourselves, I don't mind the odd finger up there, and rough play, but I've told her that; if she tries to come anywhere near me with a strap on, or a dildo, then she'll get a right hook.
However, she remains a fecking nightmare to try and to calm down when the opportunity for open air sex presents itself!
Pictures.
 
coffee jar in bum.jpg
I've not read all the way through this thread, but submit this photo........

Sorry if it has been on already and yes, it DOES look like a Douwe Egbert jar!

And before you ask, it was one of a number in a medical paper that was published. Honestly. I'm not in the Navy any more!
 

gorillaguts981

Old-Salt
The word 'sigmoidoscopy' still brings me out in a cold sweat. Inflating you like a lilo was the worst part, but I did get to see parts of me even my mam didn't. I asked for a printout to use as a screensaver but no joy.
 
This is the second rectal resurrection thread in as many days! Is it the festive season that's making people nostalgic for a bit of bumfoolery?
ffs stop counting threads your being so anal about it................................................ (see what I did there)
 

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