SO WHAT IS A MONEY GRABBING WIFE ENTITLED TOO ????

#1
Coming up to my 22 year point next year and funny old thing the missus wants a divorce. We have 2 kids 8 and 3, our own house in Wales although up for sale at the moment and in todays climate just hoping to wipe my feet with it. I think she is entitled to 9/37 of my pension as we have been together for 9 years and 20% of my wages for CSA payments. Can she have part of my lump sum as well, anyone got any real time experience of this. Cheers Guys
 
#2
Speak to a specialist lawyer.

End of.

msr
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
Speaking as a working ex-wife, who watches from the sidelines whilst new BMWs, Rolexes, etc are purchased , and three foreign holidays a year are undertaken by someone who often 'can't afford his child support', I'd repeat the advice above. Get a lawyer who specialises in Family Law, not just 'fred or freda on the high street'.

Also try to agree between yourselves what financial settlement you'll reach, in a reasonable way, then present as much as you can to the lawyers, just asking their help with the bits related to violent disagreements. A good lawyer will tell you that they've failed if you end up in court screaming insults at one another, and will encourage negotiation and 'win-win' outcomes.

Individual cases will depend on where the children live, what their current standard of living is, what special requirements they have (i.e. expensive hobbies like ponies, school fees), and your and your wife's means.

Could I very politely also suggest that you avoid the 'all wives are moneygrabbers' comments, as it will cause friction before you even start negotiating!
 
#5
If you've been married for 9 years she's entitled to 4.5/37 of your pension.
 
#6
I think you will find is states "A" money grabbing Wife, namely mine. I did not state all. However can now understand what I am up against!! Many thanks for your advice :D
 
#7
Might sound like a silly thing to say at the moment, but try and keep things as amicable as you possibly can. I divorced my wife almost 3 years ago, and (after a brief chat with a specialist lawyer) handled everything myself, from filing the papers at court to negotiating child-sharing arrangements and the financial settlement with her lawyers. Result was that I took a reduced share of the house in exchange for her giving up her claim on my pension and saved myself a small fortune in legal fees. Lesson: it's a lot easier if you can agree a settlement between you.

Best of luck!
 
#9
To be honest we are quite amicable at present, but she has mood swings and changes her mind, often more than not when she wants more money off me. I just to make sure what she is legally entitled to, more for her than anything else so she stops ranting on for ne reason. Many thanks for the advice though very appreciated. like I said am speaking with someone end of the week
 
#10
Her / your solicitor (if they are worth thier sort) will refer you to Family mediation. This is a fantastic way to divide assests & organise child acess etc. DO NOT turn this opportunity down. Its cheaper than squabbling via solicitors & will draw a good concusion to both partys. Everything is laid out in black & white in front of you , they take no sides & will shoot down ( in a nice way ) any unreasonable demands from both sides. I cannot express any more how good this service is. My extremley demanding ex wife walked out of there with a face like a slapped arrse & after thinking & reflecting on the outcome realised it was a good deal for both of us... result...

Once an agreement has been reached via mediation then the divorce itself is just a form filling exersize. My legal fees including the 2 mediation sessions came in at under 500 quid. Infact I opnly needed to see my Sol once. Every divorce is diffrent . You wont get a true answer asking online. Get a mediation session underway !! A good website to visit is www.wikivorce.co.uk but beware you,ll trawl through pages of sob storys before finding that gem of info. There is a divorce calculator on there but its only a guide mind.

Good luck

LT

P.S STAY AWAY from wifesgone .co .uk it,ll only wind you up & depress you !!!!
 
#13
Mate

I hate to be a bringer of bad news. As you are nearing pension point I would worry. Your wife is entitled to half of your pension for the years you were married - but remember THIS IS ONLY A STARTING POINT for negotiations. Other factors can raise this %age by a lot - for example, who has been 'lumbered with the kids'.

The reason for divorce or who instigated it will not come into it.

And don't forget, as everyone else has said above, avoid as much as possible the money grabbing blood sucking lawyers who will take you both for as much as possible and will go out of their way to suck you dry of any asset you may think yourself entitled to.

If outside the UK try Army legal - they are absolutely useless but are free for those first few letters.

Hope that has cheered you up!!!
 
#14
Mate,

No matter what anyone tells you and especially your ex..............

Get proper legal advice NOW!

I have been there and got have got the "t" shirt. No matter how amicable you may think that it is, it ain't.
Women are pre-programmed to nail you in this situation (some men deserve it, and if kids are involved you need to see it through in the right way) that aside you will get totally fcuked if you don't sort out the legal stuff ASAP.
Have a laugh with the stuff and banter on Arrse, but if you value any sort of future you need to get this right soon. You mentioned that you have just completed your 22-year point that makes you just 40 I would imagine.

I got married (2cd time) and had my first child all after that point in my life, but basically by not getting a grip in my divorce and being naive I have robbed my child of what should have been hers.

Thinks are good now but I can't believe you stupid I was when I look back, by being the "good guy" and not causing too much fuss I shafted myself.

Its not going to be a pleasant journey but with the right advice it could be more bearable in the future.

Good luck,


Osta
 
#16
Agree with osta, I left her and tried to be the good guy, as much as you can be when you leave someone, and she tried to royally screw me. Fortunately we had no kids but she tried to rob me blind anyway. I came out of it a bit poorer in the short term but better off long term in the end, but it did get very, very nasty.

Make it all legal as early as possible or it will be a case of 'strap on, does it do it for you' from the NAAFI.
 
#17
I sometimes wonder why former wives/husbands are so eager to get a hold of the pension. Most people don't realise that the non-serving partner won't actually receive their portion of the service pension until they are state pensionable age. Personally, if I were in her position, I'd take a rain check on the pension and opt for a bit more capital. You haven't been married all that long so it's not going to be a huge sum anyway.

So, if you don't want her apportioning your pension for you then you can dangle that carrot.

Mediation - it's the cheapest and most amicable way. Go for that if you can.
 
#18
I've got some good news, and some bad news.

Good news, your wife has no more of an entitlement to any fixed share of your pension than the next mong to post it in this thread.

Bad news, if you can't come to a mutually agreeable financial seperation then you will have to fill out an E form, a statement of finances. Make sure that you do this accurately especially the bit about debt! It is a nightmare process but very important. If you have been married for 9 years it is a medium length marriage, the judge will want to see a fair and equal seperation of finances, this means that any assets you share will have to be equally split. Your pension, on the day the financial split is agreed by a judge will form part of those assets and a fair percentage will be awarded unless you can agree an offset of other assets. Important point here, on the day................ Your pensions cash equivelant transfer value will roughly quadruple on the day you become pensionable.

See a lawyer who understands the armed forces pension scheme and explain twice about the CETV and what happens when you reach the 22 year point.......... do it soon, very soon.

No matter the stories others will tell you about getting a good lawyer and paying nothing from your pension it is bollox, you will. Unless you can come to a mutually agreed financial settlement and convince the judge that your ex-missus fully understands the repurcussions (very important point that) Mutually agreed is best if possible. You're going to pay for your kids, make the most of it, again a mutually agreed amount is best and gives you a little control, you will feel like you are contributing to your kids lives.

More good news, if you end up having a pension sharing order you will lose a percentage of your pension and gratuity from the day you leave the service get over it, it's no longer yours you still get the rest. She won't get a penny until she reaches official retirement age 67 I believe.

I'm not a lawyer but have been through the exact same thing, I was at 21 year point however I was awarded primary responsibility for my kids which made it all worthwhile. Good luck and remember the kids come first even if you have to bite a hole in your lip they will always love their Mum..
 
#19
There is no mathematical formula to calculate how much of your pension she is entitled to. Much will depend on what the lawyers refer to as "all the circumstances of the case". The welfare of the children, for as long as they remain legal minors, would be the first consideration of the court if it were to get as far as a court. It would be better all round if it did not get as far as a court - less acrimony, much less expensive - BUT you should see a specialist family lawyer. Once s/he has looked at the relevant stuff and advised you, there is no reason why you should not agree a reasonable settlement away from the court, but until you know how little or how much you can reasonably expect to get away with, how do you negotiate sensibly.

Chances are she's sought advice. You should protect yourself by doing the same.
 
#20
schweik said:
There is no mathematical formula to calculate how much of your pension she is entitled to. Much will depend on what the lawyers refer to as "all the circumstances of the case". The welfare of the children, for as long as they remain legal minors, would be the first consideration of the court if it were to get as far as a court. It would be better all round if it did not get as far as a court - less acrimony, much less expensive - BUT you should see a specialist family lawyer. Once s/he has looked at the relevant stuff and advised you, there is no reason why you should not agree a reasonable settlement away from the court, but until you know how little or how much you can reasonably expect to get away with, how do you negotiate sensibly.

Chances are she's sought advice. You should protect yourself by doing the same.
I agree with you on all but one point, no matter what happens all divorces affectively end up in court, the decree must be signed by a judge. Even if there is a mutually agreed financial seperation the judge must satisfy himself that all parties are aware of the consequence of that agreement, should he fail in this your ex-spouse can return years later and make a new financial claim under the clause that she was misled or misinformed by counsel. It's possible not to have to appear on court but not for the divorce to be finalised without paying for "judge" time.
 

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