so sick I didn't even laugh, just boaked.

#1
A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?"

The mother says, "It's a vagina."

So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?"

"When you're a teenager," the mother replies.

Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?"

"It's a penis," he replies.

"When will I get one of those?" she asks.



The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."





Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks.

Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.

"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.

The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#2
You're no Frankie Boyle
 
#4
Oh God......."Help!, I'm being stalked by an Aussie"
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#7
I would say humour them but obviously that is something our little convict/reject friends don't understand
 
#8
Are these colonials going to do this all day? I thought they were sent off for a reason.
Ok mac, I get the hint. Dinner time now anyway. Isn't it grand the Internet has dissolved all boundaries, it's like we are back in the Motherland once more. Brings a tear to the eye doesn't it....... :crying:
 
#9
Sorry if I got a wee bit carried away...I just wanted to live in a country where:
A. The national team won some championships (Go the All Blacks)
B. The sun actually did shine for at least 10% of the time
C. There was room to move
D. Ice cream made from vegetable fat was illegal.
E. There were no man-killing spiders or snakes (I'm not frightened of sheep)
F. There was no House of Lords.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#10
Sorry if I got a wee bit carried away...I just wanted to live in a country where:
A. The national team won some championships (Go the All Blacks)
B. The sun actually did

for at least 10% of the time
C. There was room to move
D. Ice cream made from vegetable fat was illegal.
E. There were no man-killing spiders or snakes (I'm not frightened of sheep)
F. There was no House of Lords.
And your sister is legal.
 
#11
Oh, you know Kate?
 
#15
It's time he was fucking lanced though.
Imagine if Frankie Boyle joined the TA (shudder) and got promoted to Lance Jack, and after a particularly strenuous exercise the MO might say "Nurse, please lance Lance Corporal Boyle's boil"
 

Bouillabaisse

LE
Book Reviewer
#16
Imagine if Frankie Boyle joined the TA (shudder) and got promoted to Lance Jack, and after a particularly strenuous exercise the MO might say "Nurse, please lance Lance Corporal Boyle's boil"

I have 2 thoughts on that:

1. Thank fuck you moved a long way away from me
2. It's a fucking shame that the internet has finally reached there
 
#17
Thank you for your kind thoughts sailor, but we still use string for the final bit between the fibre and the router...more of a Twineternet really.
 
#18
A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?"

The mother says, "It's a vagina."

So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?"

"When you're a teenager," the mother replies.

Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?"

"It's a penis," he replies.

"When will I get one of those?" she asks.



The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."
OK, I'm no Saville or indeed paediatrician, gynaecologist or any other sort of medical professional - but I'm pretty sure that girls are born with vaginas.
 
#19
Sorry if I got a wee bit carried away...I just wanted to live in a country where:
A. The national team won some championships (Go the All Blacks)
B. The sun actually did shine for at least 10% of the time
C. There was room for the sheep to move
D. Ice cream made from vegetable fat was illegal, but not fush and chups.
E. There were no man-killing spiders or snakes (I'm attracted to sheep)
F. There was no House of Lords.
.
 

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