Remember guys & gals this is HUMOR!
Snake Engagement Methods as found in US Military Rules
of Engagement (ROE)
Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations
(AO)...
01. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
02. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
03. Armor: Drives over snake, laughs, and looks for
more snakes.
04. Aviation: Has 12-digit grid coordinates of snake
from GPS. FAC gives steer to target. Can't find snake.
Returns to base.
05. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
06. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On
Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades
in support. Kills several hundred civilians as
unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a
success and all participants (inc. cooks, mechanics
and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
07. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores
all State Department directives and Theater Commander
Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and
winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other
snakes. Files enormous claim for travel pay settlement
upon return.
08. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth
doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual
about how to defeat snake using counter mobility
assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't
understand how to properly conduct doctrinal
counter-snake ops.
09. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for
naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake.
Snake bites SEAL. Snake dies. Hollywood makes fantasy
film in which SEALS kill myriad extremist snakes.
10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various
types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to
Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces
are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force
projection.
11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for
souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US
forces from Area of Operations.
12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.
13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial
encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.
15. Supply: (NOTICE Your anti-snake equipment is back
ordered.)
16. C-130 crew: Air-drops expired snakebite kits two
grid squares away on roof of children's hospital.
Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.
17. F-15 pilot: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mi-24
Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief
paints snake kill on aircraft fuselage.
18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster
bombs, misses snake target, demolishes embassy 4 km
east of snake due to weather. Cites inclement weather
(Too Hot, Too Cold, Clear but overcast, Too dry with
Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.)
Suggests procurement of million-dollar, air-to-ground
anti-snake bomb.
19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake,
cold-blooded snakes don't show well on infrared.
Infrared only operable in desert without power lines
or SAMs.
20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass
after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS-17
to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into
fire.
21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills
snake and every other living thing within two miles of
target.
22. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake
in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from
National Command Authority to use weapons.
23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only
four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently
active. We assess the potential for snake activity as
LOW.
24. Judge Advocate General (JAG a.k.a. The lawyer):
Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional
courtesy.

Snake Engagement Methods as found in US Military Rules
of Engagement (ROE)
Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations
(AO)...
01. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
02. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
03. Armor: Drives over snake, laughs, and looks for
more snakes.
04. Aviation: Has 12-digit grid coordinates of snake
from GPS. FAC gives steer to target. Can't find snake.
Returns to base.
05. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
06. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On
Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades
in support. Kills several hundred civilians as
unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a
success and all participants (inc. cooks, mechanics
and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
07. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores
all State Department directives and Theater Commander
Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and
winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other
snakes. Files enormous claim for travel pay settlement
upon return.
08. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth
doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual
about how to defeat snake using counter mobility
assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't
understand how to properly conduct doctrinal
counter-snake ops.
09. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for
naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake.
Snake bites SEAL. Snake dies. Hollywood makes fantasy
film in which SEALS kill myriad extremist snakes.
10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various
types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to
Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces
are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force
projection.
11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for
souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US
forces from Area of Operations.
12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.
13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial
encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.
15. Supply: (NOTICE Your anti-snake equipment is back
ordered.)
16. C-130 crew: Air-drops expired snakebite kits two
grid squares away on roof of children's hospital.
Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.
17. F-15 pilot: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mi-24
Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief
paints snake kill on aircraft fuselage.
18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster
bombs, misses snake target, demolishes embassy 4 km
east of snake due to weather. Cites inclement weather
(Too Hot, Too Cold, Clear but overcast, Too dry with
Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.)
Suggests procurement of million-dollar, air-to-ground
anti-snake bomb.
19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake,
cold-blooded snakes don't show well on infrared.
Infrared only operable in desert without power lines
or SAMs.
20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass
after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS-17
to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into
fire.
21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills
snake and every other living thing within two miles of
target.
22. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake
in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from
National Command Authority to use weapons.
23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only
four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently
active. We assess the potential for snake activity as
LOW.
24. Judge Advocate General (JAG a.k.a. The lawyer):
Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional
courtesy.