Smutty ring tones

We've got a dirty posh bird on board who is happy to send out personalised ring tones for a suitable amount per shot.

Simply PM me or email me you desired script and it shall be done....

As an example, this is mine

Mr Christopher Sir, Mr Christopher Sir, you wicked handsome naughty man, someone is contacting you telephonically....... answer of I will be forced to call you handsome some more.


Dirty boy, if you answer me I'll let you p1ss in my gaping anus
Can we have an arrse orgasm?
"This is Minister Doh Nut, get back in the cellar you slag"
An otter ran off with my handset and a bishop threw a samsonite suitcase through my living room window?
In homage to this thread:

Its documented in a couple of threads that I have a particular blackspot on the M6 which has seen me fill my pants three times now, so passing Charnock Richard service station has me driving passed with clenched cheeks, a sweaty brough and a sense of dread.

Driving back yesterday and seeing the sign post getting closer I began to giggle about previous times when I'd fallen prey to the bum lords and blown mud in my pants. No chance this time, I'd had a dump at Keele and I'd only had two weetabix and a twister lolly all day.

A small salute as I passed under the flyover, and the knowledge that home is only 20 minutes away I turned up the wireless, turned off the mobile and raised my left bum cheek to let fly a small biscuit of musky treat

That cnuting junction got me yet again, a trickle of fizzy gravy filled the crack of my apple and I had to sit back in it.

Could we have the sound of MDN passing Charnock Richard Service station?
Come on folks, customised and personalised posh filth direct to your handset.

Just working out how to host examples.
"Remember, in a wood, surrounded by a fam visit from the local all-girl A level college, no-one can hear you bluff."
Can I have:

"Oh my god it's huge, It wont fit, please stop your hurting me, You are not putting that inside of me ever again"

In fact it doesn't matter, I don't need it as a ring tone because I hear it all the time anyway :wink:

(and that is only my finger!) :D
Posh groans followed by piggy squeals would make for a more interesting 'you've got a new text message' sound than my current dit dit dit, dah dah, dit dit dit.

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