Smoke-free ships and boats.

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Nutstrangler, Feb 21, 2007.

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  1. Apparently, Douglas Alexander, yet another Jock, who does Sec. of State for Transport impressions, has decided to extend smoke-free provisions to all sea-going and inland waterway vessels operating on UK Inland Waterways or within the 12 mile limit, regardless of which country they are flagged to, providing they carry passengers or employees.
    He further proposes to make the Maritime and Coastguard Agency responsible for the enforcement of these provisions.

    "Heave to, ye scurvy smoker, heave to or we'll sink ye!"

  2. A great idea - until a passenger gets swept off the upper deck in a force 12 because they were desperate for a ciggie.

    I can see it now: -

    'Russian warship Ivanov. This is the British Coastguard off your port quarter. We can see somebody having a fag on your bridge wing. Stop engines and prepare to be boarded for the issuing of spot fines.'

    Wars have started over less than this.
  3. Well, there has been the "War of Jenkins' Ear" ... why not the "Sea Battle of Stanislav's Ciggie?"
    It'd give the RN something to do (and draw attention from Neue Arbeit's c***k-ups elsewhere).
  4. It gives the RN something ELSE to do - oh arrse, they can't because they've got no ships left!
  5. What RN would that be? I believe they have lost 60 vessels since Labour came to power and much of what's left has been 'mothballed'.

    Gordo will cancel the new carriers as soon as he is in No 10. Without carriers, we won't need all those costly new Type 45 destroyers either will we?

    I even hear there's a cunning plan to freeze all officer promotions for five years. That should get rid of a fair few senior lieutenants/two and a halfs.

    Billions of pounds will be saved. Just think how many chavs could be lifted out of poverty with that much cash. Some chavs don't even have wide screen TVs don't you know?
  6. Ancient Mariner wrote:

    True enough. My best mucker is a two-and-a-half with 16 years served this year. Unfortunately his early service doesn't count for pension purposes & he's already facing moves to get him to resign (without pension) which if they happened in civvy street would be tantamount to constructive dismissal