SLR Outrage!

The recent violence following the first showing of Mohammed Smith’s latest film “The SLR – Not as Good as Other Things” has now spread as far as the outskirts of Lowestoft, with angry Christians demanding “what? I think you might need to speak to Mr Philips”.

One devout cold war warrior, who asked to be known only by his full name and current address, told us “AK47 is it? Shite, more like. SLR was, ken, a fuckin’ gat, ya ken. Ya cannae [unintelligible]. Fuck Thatcher”, he gushed.

The RBL, the militant wing of the SLR protectorate, was clear in its condemnation “We don’t open ‘til a bit later”, said a spokesman, clearly devastated by the news. “Bingo’s quite popular on a Wednesday”, he added by way of sinister warning.

The recent events follow an incident last year when an SLR was called a slag in a bar in Catterick resulting in the deaths of 57 people.
I don’t want to be the one responsible for people getting a bit miffed and getting on with things but infidels have accused the SLR of wearing a short skirt, smerking a tab or two and engaging in bumming people up the bum. Apart from the bumming bit this is blasphemy against the one true calibre!

We announce a policy of “tut!” and “shame...” and denounce disbelievers as affiliate members.

[On the bus , off the bus will commence at 09:00 and continue until 17:00, or until confusion becomes overwhelming and you are taken home by your adult children.]


Book Reviewer
I'm with the Muslims on this one - the SLR was fucking wank.


Book Reviewer
I'm with the Muslims on this one - the SLR was fucking wank.
so why do they go into battle screaming L1a1uhar Ackbar (slr is great) then. defeated super powers that one
The SLR crisis continues with one senior officer, Brig. Colin Braithwaite, going as far as to state “it’s all gone to rat shit, fuck me!”. “Fucking hell!”, he continued.

A government foetus in a suit, William Hague, told us “an SLR’s tits are a private thing and I would personally knife the French twat in the face.” Warming to his theme and before we could stop him he continued, “Fuck it” he said, “I’d get me mates round and kick fuck out of the fucker”, before he went off for a slash.

The fear now is that events will combine and someone will produce a piss-poor film of Kate’s tits firing 7.62 rounds into the Koran. “That’s all we fucking-well need”, said Cilla Black when asked how she’s getting on these days.
This is shite. The SLR was an excellent weapon. I keep reading on here how everyone who fired the L1A1 was 'a shit shot' . Don't know about that but suffice to say, at 300m, I could part your fucking hair with one.
1. And lo it came to pass that in the corse that was of the glen, there walked a young man of saintly aspect, in time with his squad and everything. And the timing of the young man and his squad was "One, tup, three! One!" as layeth down in the Bible a.k.a. Pam. 18. And the young man heareth the Word of God, saying "Fuck's sake, ye bunch of spangles! Get yer fuckin' dressing sortit or I'll shag yer granny 'til her fuckin' gums bleed!"

2. And on the second day, He madeth them to get up at stupid o'clock and piss about folding blankets and shit. And the power of "Fuckin' Christ, yer useless" compelled them.

3. And on the third day there was PT. Much PT. And there would have been a great wailing and gnashing of teeth but we were too shagged out to wail and teeth-gnashing got extra beasting.

4. On the fourth day was kit issue where the young man received alms of DPM wherein to clad his form. And he ws given penance in the form of Shirts, Itchy wherein to scourge his soul.

5. On the fifth day there was beasting and block jobs and beasting and drill and beasting. And the young man was sore afraid, praying unto the Lord "Lord, Why hast thou not delivereth a single minute of windsurfing, like it said in the advert?" And the Lord spaketh, saying something none too intelligible but extremely loud and to do with the young man's parentage and what would happen if he even found a trace of dried egg yolk on the young man's fork again. And lo! a miracle occurred whereby the young man's locker layout was arrayed upon the floor.

6. On the sisxth day, the young man travelled to the Kote that was of Arms by means of LTCVs operating at high speed. And as his reward for the dried egg thing, a tea-bomb was his burden. And at the Kote that was of Arms, his heart was lifted, for there was stored the SLR of yore, arrayed as the Hordes of Midion except not as oily. And therein he was issued one.

7. And it came to pass that on the Horn that was of Dregs he layeth down to group and zero, achieving two inches at 100m on his first go. And he was well chuffed. And the Lord spaketh unto him, saying, "So yer not totally useless ya fuckin' tumshie muncher, ye?" And there was much rejoicing while pasting up. And he forgot the tea bomb and had to double back up the hill.

8. An on the seventh day, the young man had become a warrior, his soul burnished by the naming of the parts and ready to smite the hordes of Gerald the Tocfair with lashings of 7.62. If the Card that was Yellow didn't stop him.

9. And in the days and years that followed, the young man was a true and faithful follower of the SLR, able to waxwroth mightily against a man-sized target out to 400m with iron sights. And his Battalion shooting team were glad to have someone as Young Soldier who could actually hit something for a change.

This will end badly. There are scousers and limited seats upon the outrage bus involved.

Shall I blame the bizzies now just to get in first?
Instructor: "After making sure he ain't gonna die, you have to get his gat and make it safe".
Very young BM: "Make it safe sargeant? Make it safe? How do I do that? It's an SLR, the most danegerous weapon in the whole wide world!!!!!"
Will the bizzies be issued with SLR's to club the 96 scousers who pushed their way onto the bus without tickets to death?

Shirley only the sight of one with wooden furniture would turn then to stone?
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