Sleep talking

Must confess, the first time I heard someone talking in their sleep I was more than a bit concerned. If memory serves me right it was 'arse on fire' Pryor, who clearly had a range of talents, including getting beaten up by the husband of the bird he was knocking up...

But, can anyone top this bloke: ?

Can't top the sheer colour of that blokes unconscious outbursts, but a mate of mine, when in the land of nod, still to this day to repeats the phrase: "Thanks cnuts, thanks cnuts, thanks cnuts". He doesn't know where he gets it from, he says.
_Artemis_ said:
Read about this in the paper today: first thought - con.
Even if it is what does it matter, its still quality reading!!
I know a guy who was once heard to say while sleeping "If you break her jaw she can't say no." I think that's pretty impressive/disturbing.
Its almost as though his script is written by certain Arrsers.
_Artemis_ said:
Read about this in the paper today: first thought - con.
That's what I thought, but who could make this up?

"I'm making pillows. Burn them slowly, keeps them fluffy! Mmmmmm, pillows."

"Dogs' scrotums. They stretch."

"Your mum's at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep."

"You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."

[hand tangled in my hair, massaging my scalp] "I'm stuck. I'm stuck. Your pubes! You got to shave."

"Oh, we're going to be late for the pogo ballet, stop it!"

"Oompa loompas don't sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds."

"I don't want to die! I love sex. And furry animals."

"Flap's on fire. Your flap's on fire! Chili in the vagiiiiina. I'm a bad bad boy."

Wife note: you guys have to image "chilli in the vagina" in a child's sing-song cadence. Creeeeepy

[yelled upon waking] "COCK HUNTER!"
some of them had me howling. Especially as my wife keeps babbling on about me sleep talking.......I suggested that she stops listening and stop being so nosey. Its a private conversation. if I wanted to discuss it with her, i'd have woken up.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
The funniest line has to be
"Being in the same room with you makes me want to suck the pus out of a rancid nasty rectum".

Sheer class.

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