skiffing one's self

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by PK, Feb 19, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Yes and proud of it

    0 vote(s)
  2. Yes but ashmed to admit it

    0 vote(s)
  3. No......

    0 vote(s)
  4. Never

    0 vote(s)
  1. PK

    PK Old-Salt

    Being a tad intoxicated last night I somehow managed to skiff myself :oops:

    Not quite sure how I managed this but it fcuking stinks this morning.

    I've ruled out the idea that someone else skiffed me for the following reasons...

    1) I returned to a near empty block
    2) I returned to said block on my own :cry:
    3) I locked my door when I got into my room
    4) My finger stinks of sh!t

    I think number 4 is the overriding factor here :oops:

    I'm now going to soak myself in a bath for the rest of the weekend...
  2. I ahve never heard of skiffing. But ue to your descrition, I can assure myself that I have never skiffed myself lol

    I am a lady :D
  3. oh dear , a terrible predicament to be in , especially as you don't remember doing it , the doubt will linger on
    ...did i do it deliberately ???

    this type of "own goal" is known as a brown on brown.
  4. A form of skiff masturbation.
    Skiff wanking if you will. Lacking a participant in your fantasies, you have resorted to self pleasuring.
    visit: for discussion and help from people with similar afflictions.
  5. Is skiffing not normal? Obviously not at the dinner table, but in one's room/cell maybe with a close friend or pet...........

    In fact I'm off to.............. :oops:
  6. Admirable courage there in fessing up PK, but this is good continuation training after attending the resistance to skiffing course. I regularly enjoy a good self skiff, with reference to differing smells from various foodstuffs.
  7. Well done for getting out of the bath.
  8. Sounds to me like you've got worms. They will have popped out for a little nosey about during the night causing a nagging itch around the tea towel holder. After giving your hoop a good old scratch it is likely you then went for a rummage around your nose to get rid of that hard to reach bogie.....obviously all done whilst in a semi comatose state.

    There it is, self skiffing, a simple explaination.............Chances are you just enjoy smearing your own sh*t on your top lip though eh???
  9. This wasnt a self skiffing, but anyway I was in a bar in Saigon with the general manager of a large international company. We had partaken of not a few nippy sweeties and the chap I was with was begining to stop acting analy retentive and was starting to open up a bit as the alcohol took effect. I had been warned not to be too, er, animalistic as the bloke was from a very posh family, getting on a bit and it was his first time in the far east. We had 2 bar girls each and I was busy shoving my finger in one girls cornhole as surreptitiously as I could, whilst the other bird was feeding me Jim Beam and sucking the fingers of my other hand.

    I had a brief conversation with the Emperor Mong who showed up but declined a drink and as a result had the bright idea of taking the finger that I had secreted in the one girls bum and shoving it in the other girls mouth.

    I have no idea what the first girl had been eating, maybe squirrel marinated in that disgusting fish chutny that the Cambodians make and bury in the garden for 6 bweeks. The recipient girl went kind of popeyed and leaned backwards like a limbo dancer on speed and started gagging. The old boy with me had spotted what was going on and started to cackle.

    I knew things were going wrong when I saw his top set come loose and before I could do anything they were off on a journey of their own across the floor of the bar. Meanwhile the girl who had been gagging was now having a full scale technicolour yawn across some blokes white trousers and the guy I was hosting was purple in the face from laughing whilst scrabbling about on the floor for his top set.

    It was a bit like one of those eod exercises they set for you where you attend an incident which rapidly turns into a train wreck as they keep adding dimensions for you to solve. Anyway, Stephanie, the MD's daughter told me afterwards that Uncle james has not stopped talking about his night out with Matt in Saigon. The girls arent talking to me and I never go to that bar anymore.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Kit Reviewer

    Closet more like.
  11. Pokey bum wank... good work.
  12. Not quite on thread but i have a mate who likes to sniff his own well worn underpants while masturbating..
  13. Pffffff, it's YOU isn't it! :twisted:
  14. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Kit Reviewer

    And you know this how ?
    Have you watched ?

    Or is this 'mate' a bit closer to home and you watched in the mirror ?
  15. How in Gods name do you know that? Have you watched him? If thats the case I think there's deeper issues than sniffing pants?

    Did he tell you? Are you a Priest or a Rabbi and he had to get it off his chest?

    Man up, if it's you just say it, no body will judge you.

    You dirty f*ckin pant sniffer!!!!!

    Edited to add 'Damn my phone ringing and being beaten to the punch there, damn!!!!!'