Skiffing in the Trenchs

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Pvt.Joker, Jun 22, 2006.

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  1. Now, I have been pondering,

    More specifically I have been pondering skiffing.
    What with it being such an Army specific thing, I wondered how long it has been going on?
    I mean, when the history books tell you out the trenches I always feel something has been left out, like in their letters.

    "Dear Mother,

    Live in the trenches is hard. Today I lost 7 friends to enemy fire and artillery. Tommorow they say we will attack. Give my love to the family.

    Your son Joe Bloggs.

    P.S Private Smith gave me a damn good skiffing this morning. It smells as though a herd of elephants have crawled up my nose, shat themselves, then died. It clings to my moustache.I fear the smell will kill me before the Jerries do."

    Also that brings me to their moustaches, back then everyone had a flat cap and damn fine moustache. The kind that looks like a good skiffer could make reek for days.

    So, were the trenches really as bad as everyone says or was it just lot of holes filled with men with shit covered moustaches?
  2. It's very quiet on this thread tonight. Hmmmm.......I wonder what's going on. You don't think that your subject was a bit weak do you?

    "Hah hah, yeah imagine.. putting some shit on someone's lip,..ha,ha,...yeah, but like 90 years ago huurrrrgh, hurrrgh, ...shit....lip...ha,ha,ha,..."

    Are you still serving?
  3. Im 15 and just done a feck load of courswork.

    Who feels like a big man now?
  4. lol...purlease... go to bed young man before you feel the vertual back of my hand you scallywag :)
  5. daz

    daz LE

    You do, every time you bend over in the dorm shower :oops: :lol:

    fecking knob
  6. A bit harsh on the young lad, but then he did rise to it!

    Pvt Joker, I presume you've read the tour de force that is the skiffing thread in Now That's What I Call NAAFI Bar. If you can't match that level of humour, depravity and experience (as a skiffer and a skiffee), don't bother.
  7. ha ha ha stuff of legends :D:D:D
  8. Now now chaps......

    Pvt Joker has at least made an attempt to write a thread that is witty, and amusing, it may be a little naive but as we all know the NAAFI can be an endless dirge of useless chat based wet panted f ucking tosh....

    Can all the stone throwers in this thread say that they have done better?

    lets not stifle the sparks of depravity, but fan them into a big dung fuelled inferno...

    for as that well known Historical figure Henry the VIII once said

    "If that is sh1t in my beard love, i'm gonna cut your fackin swede off you CAAAAAHNT"
  9. Indeed shortfuse, I was merely trying to encourage the young chap onto bigger and better things, alas at the age of 15 he cannot have experienced the true joy of skiff (unless he's related to MDN).
  10. bless ... he will be great one day... not soon but one day he will be great :)
  11. daz

    daz LE

    Ok Shortfuse, fair does, perhaps my quip was a tiny bit harsh, but i've got form in sprog baiting baby walt

  12. Why post a link to a thread you posted a link in, why not just post the walty link? Why make me click twice instead of once? Why? Why would you do that?
  13. At risk of being horrifically on topic, the young chap should have realised that they're not real moustaches you see in all the pictures, but perfect, Groucho Marx-esque poo smears liberally applied by an expert trench skiffer, specially trained for the task in the boat shed at Hereford. The recipient of such a shiner would be so proud of the honour that the regimental skiffer would bring if he was good at his job that he would not clean the scat from his upper lip, which in any case once dry just added to the British stiffness, and thus was universally regarded as a good thing.

    In any case, in the days before RightGuard, Mr Thomas Atkins's upper lip once besmeared with his oppo's gut-processed corned beef and tinned plum jam smelt rather more pleasant than his own body, thus providing yet another reason for non-removal. Real old hands in the trenches could build up quite a thickness of skiff, deposited in consecutive layers, helping to preserve themselves from the almost French-like pong of their own built-up layers of filth growing like greasy yellow stalactites from their underarms.

    It is also believed that the term "chatting", far from than being derived from removing "chats" (lice) from each other, is actually an abridged form of "scatting" (used before the introduction of the now common term "skiffing" during the 1939-1945 World Cup), giving a good insight into Tommy Atkins's favourite pastime when not masturbating to soft focus photographs of French ladies' bottoms, getting shot at, eating food possibly contaminated with the fatigue party's brains, or dying.
  14. I have read it and I was awed. It was one of the first things I read when I discovered the site and it changed my whole view of the Britsh Army, from defenders of peace and huge men who like to shoot Germans to a bunch of very bored people who prefer to throw up and throw shit at each other

    Im still gonna join up though as they both sound pretty fun.
  15. daz

    daz LE

    because most of the walty links had been removed, and was not really relevant to me admitting to having gone off half cocked in the past (thread was linked to show i had form :oops: :lol: )