M_D_N's gracious compliment about my living room wall skidmarking ability has got me thinking... Having soiled said wall, what is one to do? In a moment of distraction, I cleaned it off with... with...a tea-towel! I'VE BEEN WIPING THE DISHES WITH MY SH1T! Well, at least it's mysh1t-never mind, too late now, must press on. What is the correct form for this kind of thing? 1) Wipe it off? 2) Lick it off? 3) Leave it there and admire it covertly? 4) As 3), but see how long it takes your Mum to notice? 5) As 3), but point it out proudly to your Mum/ wife/ children/ girlfriend/ boyfriend/ neighbour/ tradesmen/ visiting clergymen/ all of the above, simultaneously, just so you can watch their reactions? 6) Photograph it and put it on the Net? 7) Draw a frame around it, have it mounted, and win the Turner Prize with it? Get your mates around and start a competition? (that's the kind of thing that could really get out of hand) Can someone please help? This is bothering me.