Size Matters

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by theiftaker, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
    The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember this, but you were in a pile-up on the M6. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.'

    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got nine thousand pounds in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'
    The man perks up at this.

    'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine inches, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

    The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.

    'So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

    'I have,' says the man.

    'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

    'She has,' says the man.

    'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

    ‘We’re getting a new kitchen!!!’