Sits vac - manager for very rich footskball team

Ability to speak Russian would help.

No talent required

Apply to Comrade Roman, PO Box No. 1, Stamford Bridge, Kamchatka On Thames.

Why is managing Chelsea like having an ungrateful girlfriend?

Because no matter how many times you come second, you still get dumped.
Apparently the producers of Lost have found a new actor to cast in a leading role.

It's Luiz Felipe Scolari.

He has plenty of experience to bring to the role: Lost in the League Cup, Lost in the FA Cup, Lost in the Premier League, Lost in the Champions League and now Lost his job.