Site Sperm Gargling, Permasending Colonial Fuckwit of the Year 2019

Redshift is the only choice, no ifs or buts

  • Redshift

    Votes: 79 82.3%
  • No one else

    Votes: 17 17.7%

  • Total voters
    96

ACAB

LE
I was Baron Castleshorrt's mentor. I trained all his bodyguards, taught him how to behave like an aristocrat, trained him up in Jujutsu and passed on an array of black arts when he was ready for it. I lent him all my medals and SAS badges and Para wings.

Rescuing redshift from his continental predicament was just too dangerous for Castleshorrt, though. It was a job for real men, and so the dangerous endeavour fell to me.
An , Bravo_Bravo has form for that.......
 
While you're here, kiwi who rescued you. Did he live in the same building or somewhere else?
It was an ex -girlfriend's brother, do keep up
(keep up ex, heard that a lot)
 
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Slime

LE
You may choose to slip your house keys to random cab drivers...
...but, the home owner already had a Redshift...
...and giving your keys to random cab drivers is how you end up with a Bwian.
Luckily, or just common sense, I already have trusted cab drivers........it pays to be prepared.

It there was any boy that for security the keys could be put inside something else so they weren’t obviously keys.
The above is more straight forward that organising climbing gear........under doors.

But then I’d also have keys with a couple of other trusted key holders who could have popped round with the keys to unlock the door. :)
 
Ok so we’ve now established that the flat door had an illegal 3/4” - 1” gap under it so that the kiwi guy could pass under a figure of 8, a screw gate climbing grade carabiner and an 11mm kermantle rope. Assuming your frantic googling has found the right gear.

He tied this off by some unspecified means to a banister of unknown construction.

He then nipped down to the ground floor (about 9-12m) and tied on the climbing harness. Which you then pulled up.

Now here’s where I specifically have two distinct problems with this story.

First of all, there’s the anchorage. Let’s just assume that it’s a solid wrought iron banister set into stone or concrete, and not some flimsy wooden one that would never take the lateral force you’d be applying to it. But even so the line of the rope would be passing under a door and then up to a window sill, creating at least two points of potential fraying: at the door and on the window ledge. No responsible climber would do this, except in a dire emergency. He’d be risking writing off his rope at the very least.

Then there’s the fact that you’re no expert. As you have now gathered, there’s at least two previously-qualified abseiling instructors on this thread. Neither (none) of us - I’m quite sure - would countenance then explaining by mime from three floors down how to (a) put on a harness, (b) correctly connect the descender to the rope and then connect it to the harness and then (c) how to position yourself safely in the window and start to abseil. Not unless the building was on fire. Especially with pointy railings underneath and no safety rope.

Under such circumstances it would have been far simpler and much safer (a) for him to go and get the key himself or (b) you to just make yourself at home in the flat and watch daytime TV until the French bloke got back.

So this story is shite. I’ve heard better excuses from soldiers trying to explain blobby knob. To their wives.

Actually, at this point, I could quite happily send him with a hidden mystery anchor, over pointy railings, no ledges, no safety, and definitely no belay. Yes I know no one brought it up yet... but, would you want him splatting your boots when his head pops open?
 
It was an ex -girlfriend's brother, do keep up
(keep up ex, heard that a lot)
Don't really care who he was, I'm just curious whether he lived in the building or not. It's a remarkably simple question that somehow redshift seems unwilling or unable to answer.
 
Don't really care who he was, I'm just curious whether he lived in the building or not. It's a remarkably simple question that somehow redshift seems unwilling or unable to answer.
Face it, you’re now on his list alongside myself and a few selected others......give it time, he’ll either respond like nothing ever happened or report you....
 

Slime

LE
Actually, at this point, I could quite happily send him with a hidden mystery anchor, over pointy railings, no ledges, no safety, and definitely no belay. Yes I know no one brought it up yet... but, would you want him splatting your boots when his head pops open?
We also need input from carpenters lol.

It’s unlikely the window ledge the rope was passed over was at floorboard level, so the rope would create a force upwards against the base of the door as it took strain.

If a door was so poorly fitted (I’d aim for about a 2mm gap) it might have been cheaply fixed too. The story hasn’t mentioned the door failing to engage in locks nicely after the incident.
 
We also need input from carpenters lol.

It’s unlikely the window ledge the rope was passed over was at floorboard level, so the rope would create a force upwards against the base of the door as it took strain.

If a door was so poorly fitted (I’d aim for about a 2mm gap) it might have been cheaply fixed too. The story hasn’t mentioned the door failing to engage in locks nicely after the incident.
Indeed.

Sent from my S41 using Tapatalk
 
He has history of interminable waffle, you should peruse his monumental wibble and world class bollox in his religious thread, A weapons grade wind up...its what he does!
I know, some of it is pretty funny. Just not when it's taking up half of the pages on this thread as redshift was regaling us with his tales of urban abseiling.

Face it, you’re now on his list alongside myself and a few selected others......give it time, he’ll either respond like nothing ever happened or report you....
If there has been a toys/pram divergence, can someone else please ask him if Superkiwi lived in the same building or somewhere else? Just once I would like to see a simple, straightforward answer from him.
 
We also need input from carpenters lol.

It’s unlikely the window ledge the rope was passed over was at floorboard level, so the rope would create a force upwards against the base of the door as it took strain.
Not for long, as I wouldn't even hang the simple overhand loop I tied for the "anchor" on the door knob. It will pull through that huge gap under the door before he is done pushing off, and I was never there.
 
Christ, this has become an AAIB investigation to speak...

I dunno, half an inch or two?

I was half asleep - having to find out my door was locked and was in desperate need of a pee. I didn't check all the dimensions!
I'm thinking "Pilot Error" is the conclusion and one that all the relevant facts will support ... or they will once we've got them and have discarded the non theory-confirming data. :thumright:
 
Reported? WTF for? 'Being educated, in a public space and with malice aforethought'?!
To be fair, I often want to report my own posts in the education threads when someone quotes them. "Reported for being interminably dull" has quite a nice ring to it.
 
Regarding the title of this thread, and also the SPOTY award,...

This turd doesn't deserve a decent or amusing title.

He should just be perma-tagged as 'The Shitest Fibber on ARRSE'.
 

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