Site Sperm Gargling, Permasending Colonial Fuckwit of the Year 2019

Redshift is the only choice, no ifs or buts

  • Redshift

    Votes: 79 82.3%
  • No one else

    Votes: 17 17.7%

  • Total voters
    96
Don't worry, @redshift , I believe you because you're my friend.

In fact, I once abseiled down a hole into a cave I didn't know existed, so I understand how you must have felt.

Come to think of it, I also jumped out of a 1st floor window of an apartment block many moons ago, because I couldn't use the front door because the woman's husband came home much earlier than I had anticipated.
 
If I'm reading this right, the French bloke had locked you in and buggered off, the Kiwi bloke had returned from who knows where but had the wherewithal to leave all of his mountaineering/climbing kit in his room? And you knew just how to set it up to abseil down 30ft?
A couple of questions just to clear the air on this matter:-
1) If the Kiwi bloke was back, why didn't you ask him to unlock the door?
2) If the Kiwi bloke was in the flat, why didn't he just unlock the door (assuming it could be unlocked from the inside)?
3) If the Kiwi was on the phone to you explaining how to use his equipment, why didn't he just rock up back at the flat and unlock the door?
I want to know why he didn't just call a locksmith?
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I want to know why he didn't just call a locksmith?
Because that wouldn't make for a tale of derring-do, what with abseiling down a building in central London from the 3rd floor, making him out to be something like this:-
Milk-Tray-11.jpg
 
If I'm reading this right, the French bloke had locked you in and buggered off, the Kiwi bloke had returned from who knows where but had the wherewithal to leave all of his mountaineering/climbing kit in his room? And you knew just how to set it up to abseil down 30ft?
A couple of questions just to clear the air on this matter:-
1) If the Kiwi bloke was back, why didn't you ask him to unlock the door?
2) If the Kiwi bloke was in the flat, why didn't he just unlock the door (assuming it could be unlocked from the inside)?
3) If the Kiwi was on the phone to you explaining how to use his equipment, why didn't he just rock up back at the flat and unlock the door?
I can't explain everything...it's all a bit crazy. The French guy's couch I was sleeping on for the night f-ked off in the morning forgetting I was there.

The Kiwi fella who I was subletting from at the time just came back from his vacation.

And the individual doors were locked, by personal keys (which I didn't have) - that was the problem.

This whole bloody thing was a logistical nightmare.
 
The reason I was trapped in the first place was because the guy I was couch surfing with the night locked the door when he left in the morning for work. And I had no keys.

Had a cell phone, the only reason I was able to get out. Bloody French!
The guy was a French contracter who forgot to leave his room open and the and the Kiwi who had the just got back in the gaff but had all the equipment to to get me out and had ....it's hard to explain everything.

...then please don't, as you are only digging a bigger hole!
 
I can't explain everything...it's all a bit crazy. The French guy's couch I was sleeping on for the night f-ked off in the morning forgetting I was there.

The Kiwi fella who I was subletting from at the time just came back from his vacation.

And the individual doors were locked, by personal keys (which I didn't have) - that was the problem.

This whole bloody thing was a logistical nightmare.
He locked you in his room?
Did he used to announce bring out the gimp before introducing you to friends...
 
I can't explain everything...it's all a bit crazy. The French guy's couch I was sleeping on for the night f-ked off in the morning forgetting I was there.

The Kiwi fella who I was subletting from at the time just came back from his vacation.

And the individual doors were locked, by personal keys (which I didn't have) - that was the problem.

This whole bloody thing was a logistical nightmare.
Stop. Just stop.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I can't explain everything...it's all a bit crazy. The French guy's couch I was sleeping on for the night f-ked off in the morning forgetting I was there.

The Kiwi fella who I was subletting from at the time just came back from his vacation.

And the individual doors were locked, by personal keys (which I didn't have) - that was the problem.

This whole bloody thing was a logistical nightmare.
Ah, I get it now, you were dossing on a French blokes couch in a room that just happened to contain the Kiwi blokes climbing gear thereby giving you the chance to escape your incarceration.
You're no Chris Ryan or Andy McNab but I'll give you your dues for effort.
 
can't explain everything...it's all a bit crazy. The French guy's couch I was sleeping on for the night f-ked off in the morning forgetting I was there.
This couch that f-ked off in the morning? Did it ever come back home? Did it ever remember that you were there when it f-ked off?

Those of us who have never even known a couch to be absent minded, never mind seen a couch that just upped and f-ked off need to know about the perils of such recalcitrant couches. Is it something to do with being owned by a fFrench bloke?
 
I can't explain everything...it's all a bit crazy. The French guy's couch I was sleeping on for the night f-ked off in the morning forgetting I was there.

The Kiwi fella who I was subletting from at the time just came back from his vacation.

And the individual doors were locked, by personal keys (which I didn't have) - that was the problem.

This whole bloody thing was a logistical nightmare.
You take no notice of them, keep spinning the dits!

This one time...on a french guys sofa...
 

Kirkz

LE
Ah, I get it now, you were dossing on a French blokes couch in a room that just happened to contain the Kiwi blokes climbing gear thereby giving you the chance to escape your incarceration.
You're no Chris Ryan or Andy McNab but I'll give you your dues for effort.
I think he's more "Bills & Moon".
 
This couch that f-ked off in the morning? Did it ever come back home? Did it ever remember that you were there when it f-ked off?

Those of us who have never even known a couch to be absent minded, never mind seen a couch that just upped and f-ked off need to know about the perils of such recalcitrant couches. Is it something to do with being owned by a fFrench bloke?

sofa so good...I know...I'll get me hat....TAXI!
 

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