Single

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hector_Chavez_V, Mar 10, 2012.

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  1. Been single 2 months now after a good 10 years with the same bird. All amicable, no one will be out of pocket, all is cosy :) I'm interested in the pros and cons across the board.

    Pros;

    * No more fucking fake tan on towels and on my t shirts that she slept in.

    * I can, and do walk round in just shreddies alone with a sink full of washing up and my previous nights clothes balanced on a chair.

    * There is now no need to lock the laptop, nor for that matter, my mobile phone.

    * No longer cringe when I used to watch her bomb burst out of the gates in her car at full pelt and onto a thin country road.

    * Have booked tickets (with complete impunity) to V Festival and for a few big bands hitting Manchester over the next 6 months.

    * Wont ever have to sit at her parents house pretending to be pleasant for a full Sunday waiting for a bit of stringy chicken, Aunt Bessies roast spuds and carrot and swede mash and watery gravy.

    * Have had a takeaway curry and a bottle of Smirnoff nightly for getting on 6 weeks without being bollocked, lush.


    But I appreciate the downsides;

    * She was/is a wizard with cash and finance.

    * Had the most fabulous bottom I've ever seen, when we were all cosy she used to let me use her splayed cheeks as the proverbial figure 11 target.

    * Her mates were fucking gorgeous, on more than one occasion I've wandered into my front room to find one of her mates on the settee honking of wine, fast asleep and with a tit exposed or a glimpse of minge.


    Think thats about it, anymore for anymore? (remember its the NAAFI, if youre still weeping into a single malt with Michael Boltons Greatest Hits on you need fucking shooting..)
     
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  2. You can piss in the sink without worry of pubes giving the game away.
     
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  3. You can use the radiators to dry tissues on.
     
  4. Pictures of aforementioned splayed cheeks,minus your contribution please.
     
  5. A pair of arseholes Immaced my bush lastr week when I fell asleep.

    Pissing in the sink is acceptable but you need the skills of a ninja to pull it off when theres a bird in the house
     
  6. You can go and shit in any womans fishtank/handbag after you have booted her hoop in.....
     
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  7. What's her phone number?
     
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  8. 07879412684 feel free,every fucker else did.












    Disclaimer:No responsibility is accepted for court cases pending from perverts sending obscure messages to this random number.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Hmm i'm fortunate I've not have to live with a woman.
    You can also eat steak everynight as men don't get bored of meat.
    The bathroom I imagine only consists of washing and shaving kit and no odd potions.
     
  10. You can skiff your own grollies without a Spanish Inquisition when it comes round to Dhobi Day.

    You don't need to delete your history on your PC/Laptop/IPad every night.

    You can do what the fuck you want to, whenever you want to.

    On the downside, there's the obvious lack of jiggy jiggy, but it's not worth the good stuff being compromised for 13 seconds of feeling good
    ;-)
     
  11. 3 month old towel, tuffbrush and paste, Paco Rabbane 'Millionaire' and the latest 'Guiness Book of World Records' for reading purposes.
     
  12. Still struggling to come to terms with it then.

    The amicable wont last, it never does, just till she got what she wants, you know like the videos of her back in her possession, best share em on here so we can make copies for you. All in your best interests of course. Oh and dont forget you dont have to sleep in the crusty bits you can change the sheets every few weeks. Well go buy new ones.
     
  13. Fuck it, let's see your efforts. If there's not at least 100ml of splash on her arse, you're not drinking enough.
     
  14. Why haven't you shagged her mates yet?
     
  15. Single and dripping on ARRSE about it eh? Head on over to Dignitas if it bothers you that much, you shitcunt.

    Alternatively, round up the nearest gullible bint and kick her back doors in.

    Always worked for me...