Single

#1
Been single 2 months now after a good 10 years with the same bird. All amicable, no one will be out of pocket, all is cosy :) I'm interested in the pros and cons across the board.

Pros;

* No more fucking fake tan on towels and on my t shirts that she slept in.

* I can, and do walk round in just shreddies alone with a sink full of washing up and my previous nights clothes balanced on a chair.

* There is now no need to lock the laptop, nor for that matter, my mobile phone.

* No longer cringe when I used to watch her bomb burst out of the gates in her car at full pelt and onto a thin country road.

* Have booked tickets (with complete impunity) to V Festival and for a few big bands hitting Manchester over the next 6 months.

* Wont ever have to sit at her parents house pretending to be pleasant for a full Sunday waiting for a bit of stringy chicken, Aunt Bessies roast spuds and carrot and swede mash and watery gravy.

* Have had a takeaway curry and a bottle of Smirnoff nightly for getting on 6 weeks without being bollocked, lush.


But I appreciate the downsides;

* She was/is a wizard with cash and finance.

* Had the most fabulous bottom I've ever seen, when we were all cosy she used to let me use her splayed cheeks as the proverbial figure 11 target.

* Her mates were fucking gorgeous, on more than one occasion I've wandered into my front room to find one of her mates on the settee honking of wine, fast asleep and with a tit exposed or a glimpse of minge.


Think thats about it, anymore for anymore? (remember its the NAAFI, if youre still weeping into a single malt with Michael Boltons Greatest Hits on you need fucking shooting..)
 
#6
You can go and shit in any womans fishtank/handbag after you have booted her hoop in.....
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#9
A pair of arseholes Immaced my bush lastr week when I fell asleep.

Pissing in the sink is acceptable but you need the skills of a ninja to pull it off when theres a bird in the house
Hmm i'm fortunate I've not have to live with a woman.
You can also eat steak everynight as men don't get bored of meat.
The bathroom I imagine only consists of washing and shaving kit and no odd potions.
 
#10
You can skiff your own grollies without a Spanish Inquisition when it comes round to Dhobi Day.

You don't need to delete your history on your PC/Laptop/IPad every night.

You can do what the fuck you want to, whenever you want to.

On the downside, there's the obvious lack of jiggy jiggy, but it's not worth the good stuff being compromised for 13 seconds of feeling good
;-)
 
#12
Still struggling to come to terms with it then.

The amicable wont last, it never does, just till she got what she wants, you know like the videos of her back in her possession, best share em on here so we can make copies for you. All in your best interests of course. Oh and dont forget you dont have to sleep in the crusty bits you can change the sheets every few weeks. Well go buy new ones.
 
#15
Single and dripping on ARRSE about it eh? Head on over to Dignitas if it bothers you that much, you shitcunt.

Alternatively, round up the nearest gullible bint and kick her back doors in.

Always worked for me...
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#16
3 month old towel, tuffbrush and paste, Paco Rabbane 'Millionaire' and the latest 'Guiness Book of World Records' for reading purposes.
The fridge now consists only beer and half a pack of lurpak and some steak. Why don't you go fuck a bird that sounds like she came from a Hovis advert?...
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#18
In four or five years time she will be your top fantasy wank porn star. I haven't a fucking scoobie how that works. But it is a fact.
 
#19
You don't have to watch eastenders, corrie , emmerdale and all that other shite. You can go and blow half your dough on a shit load of your own hobby stuff and not have to kid on that it was cheap .
 
#20
Toilet rolls will last more than 30 seconds after arriving in the house. Why do women need to devastate entire rainforests to clean their clunges?
 

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