single parents

#1
i would like some input or advice.
after 20 years in the service my co and oc are going to apply for my discharge if i cannot go on tour .
the trouble is i am a single parent now with no family back up near.
does anyone have anythoughts or advice ??
cheers
 
#2
What support have you had from your Welfare Officer, AWS or SSAFA? if they all fail you report sick......claim distress and to be at your wits end and get yourself downgraded.........best option is to get an older Civvie Doctor as they are likely to be more sympathetic to your case than a newly commissioned Trainee tosser. As for your CO and OC get a lawyer and get him to contact your units equal Opportunities Officer
 
#4
After 20 yrs, you should be old enough to realise that you have an obligation to the Army. You signed a contract and child care is your responsibility. The circumstances of why you are a single parent are irrelevant. You wouldn't get anymore from a civvy job.

Would you be happy for someone else to be given your tour? Purely on the basis that they were either single or had a spouse to look after the sprogs? I think that your posts answer that.

Imagine looking for a way out. Your happy enough to draw the wage. There are loads of people in Service who are in the same boat as you and they are professional enough to find childcare, why can't you? Or would it be easier for you to allow one of your colleagues to do your tour for you? Do you find that acceptable?
 
#5
QR1000 redress in the first instance - do not be dissuaded as it is your right. Get Social Services involved. Get your family to write to the papers to generate publicity - oops, I mean sit back helplessly as they write in outrage to the Mail, Sun etc as you can't be held responsible for what someone else says! Write to your MP and have a PQ asked. This is within your rights as a UK citizen and a member of the Armed Forces and this should at least hold things up. Padre is also a good POC, probably the best. Try an employment tribunal - it might work although they say these are only for sex/race discrimination cases - it worked for an RMP who had left the Service in the position you appear to be.

If all of the above fails, you may be within sight of your 22 year point and the pension will be in the bag - it may take ages to resolve a redress and a PQ. You can't be deployed in your last year of service.

It is a bloody disgrace the way we treat families. The Spams and NATO have full daycare centres. We expect to retain quality people and then mess them about and say "it's all your fault for having kids".
 
#6
So you feel that it's OK for someone else to do this individuals tour? Who's going to do it if he/she doesn't?
 
#7
So do we know if this is the first time it has happened? What about home circumstances? What if their spouse has died and they have no other family? Does the same scenario apply to a soldier with a long term "Back Problem" or the downgraded? Your answer is too simplistic Badass...... :(
 
#8
What about a live in au-pair ?? I know a few people that have had to do that !

Single parent or not, you still have a commitment to the Army. If that means going on tour for 6 months then so be it.

It may seem harsh, but I think it is in the Terms and Conditions of Service.

Fully employable means just that :eek:
 
#9
Au-Pair is acceptable in a two-parent family for minimum periods..however the PC NAZI SS may take a dim view of a non relative carere looking after children for 6 months when it is likely that those that are just about affordable speak only enough English. A nanny also has the right to take time off. Please don't even be so ignorant to even mention foster or local authority care................
 
#10
LW, the individual says that they do have family, just none close enough. If he/she is on the next Telic, they've had plenty of time to prepare. Even I don't think that the mob would deploy someone who has suffered the recent loss of a spouse.

How much do people want from the Army? Others have managed to do tours who were in the same boat. Somehow though, I get the feeling that the original poster is a wind up merchant as this topic would more than definately attract opposing (and strong) opinions.

But in the event that it is a truthful post.......who should do his/her tour? Someone else because they were stupid enough to get married? Something has to give mate. Just how much do people want? If you were told that you were being deployed because a single parent couldn't get childcare........would you be so enthusiastic?

Like I said though.....I think we're being wound up. Always suspicious of 1st time posters with topics like this. It's the kind of thing I do when I get bored goading Ex Dvr and his mates.
 
#13
The current terms and conditions do no-one any favours, particularly single parents and couples where both are serving (and liable for deployment). The Service plays up expectations for the benefit of the media and then places the onus on the individual. We all change over the course of our lives and start families - should we be retained as knowledgable and experienced seniors and officers, or discharged as liabilities because of family committments? There must be a better way of doing business. I would suggest weighting the pay and allowances system so those that bear the brunt of deployments get the lion's share of it. There should be the flexibility in the system to allow personnel to bring up families at some point in their career and remain in garrison. Otherwise, let's not beat about the bush - the military is not going to be supportive of family life, despite whatever image the corporate comms wasters want to portray, and despite the consequent outflow of knowledge and experience.
 
#14
Interesting question this, even if posted by a journo.

This issue is by no means restricted to the military although the prospect of an Op tour makes it more extreme.

I have worked in civie environments where a lot of resentment has been caused by parents assuming that non parents are happy to subsidise them with their time. I recall one individual that used to leave early to pick up a child from school and assume that we all thought that was OK. Hey, just because we are not parents, doesn't mean YOU can use OUR time. Just because you have a child, why should you be treated differently, sounds harsh, but look at it from the other side.

To parenttrap - what do you think should happen? Some non-parent take your place? What about their partner? Have you taken a cut in pay cos you're non deployable?

As for Reddress - what are you going to reddress? That you were treated like everyone else in your unit? An ET is a risk as well, especially if it is plain that you are using it to delay the situation ( not to mention the expense of lawyers), it might not go your way.

You have to sort this yourself. Your CO /OC has other soldiers to think about who would rightly be aggrieved if you were given an exemption.
 
#15
You know the old saying " nothing 's new" well I recall in the 70's when op banner tours where coming out of our ying yang it was amazing just how many wives got pregnant and had complications, and hubby's cry was , " you know me I will go anytime but this time my family needs me "............anyway back to topic, as has been said very emotional topic. however Baddass quite rightly said even the mob isnt heartless enough to deploy someone who has just lost a mother/father out of the family circle, so, as I am led to believe single parents are allowed to join the army now, or if they got themselves pregnant whilst serving and it is now causing them proplems due to child care , well sorry suck it up or leave, but the army and non married childless personel cannot be used to cover this kind of thing.............. now if there is another more legitamate reason lets hear it , but I am with baddass here very very suspicious.
 
#16
theparenttrap1 said:
i would like some input or advice.
after 20 years in the service my co and oc are going to apply for my discharge if i cannot go on tour .
the trouble is i am a single parent now with no family back up near.
does anyone have anythoughts or advice ??
cheers
TPT - if this is not a wind up are you saying that your name has only come up once for a tour and because of your personal circumstances the CO and OC have decided to bin you ?

I bet a pound to a pinch of salt that those personal circumstances have been taken into consideration before and that this time its the last time.

Remember, you walked into the Recruiting Office and asked to play with the train set - you were not dragged kicking and screaming off the street by some hairy arrsed Recuiting Sgt. You knew the rules of the game then and they are the same for everyone - you are now trying to change the rules to suit yourself.

And before MrPVR wades in with his 'touchy-feely tree-hugging, run to social services/ the unit Social Worker/ Kommisar claptrap I will remind you the Army is not a socialists workers paradise.
 
#17
the reason i have my kids is that their mother is a nutter and the court gave them to me it was that or ''care''
what would you do baddass?get out after 20.4 years
i dont think so.
the other thing is we have at least 4 volunteers.
for the tour.
 
#18
You're feeling abit sorry for yourself mate. You're now upset as you haven't got the answer you were looking for. If there are indeed 4 other volunteers (I note you with held that information in your original post.....why?), then it would be the 'common sense' thing for your CO to allow one of them to go. Which leaves me thinking.......what was the point of your post if this is indeed the case.

You obviously feel a bit put out that I do not support you in your fight with the Army. Well I make no apology for that. If you've done 20.4 yrs in the mob and you still can't look after YOUR personal admin, I think YOU have a problem. With so much time in, I'd have thought you would have by now had your act together instead of using your children as an excuse not to do your job.

I sympathise with your family, it can't be any 'pleasure ride' for them, but I do not sympathise with you.

What would I do? No mate I wouldn't get out.......I'd take the kids to my nearest relative, instead of expecting them to come to me and getting all disappointed when the can't. In a nut shell......I'd do my job.

You're a selfish individual, who would gladly see another soldier do your job and at the same time, you wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty about drawing your wages, whilst that other soldier's family were deprived of their loved one. You strike me as probably being one of the first off the starting blocks if you saw anybody else get away with a fly one in your unit.

Nobody is suggesting that you 'get out' so get off the cart eh....it's played out.

The Army made concessions for single parents and since it has done so, you have wanted more and more from them. Give an inch etc.

You've not had it easy mate fair do's, but when it comes down to it, do what you are paid to do, instead of hoping to find some stick with which to beat the system with, here on a website which is home to more whining squaddies than the Toc H.

You are not the only single parent in the Army. Others can do it, why can't you.
 
#19
Take the kids on tour with you. They could learn something, and may prove to like it, providing experienced soldiers for the future. Worked for the Germans!
 
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