Signs !!!!!

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by old chef, Nov 26, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Golf Club Sign
    Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:


    1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
    . FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
    3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
    4. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
    5.TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
    6.IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
    7.DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
    8.QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
    9.DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

    10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Did I read that sign right?
    In an office:
    TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


    In a Laundromat:
    AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

    In a London department store:
    BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

    In an office:
    WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

    In an office:
    AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

    Outside a second-hand shop:
    WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

    Notice in health food shop window:
    CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

    Spotted in a safari park:
    ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

    Seen during a conference:
    FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

    Notice in a farmer's field:
    THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

    On a repair shop door:
    WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK).

    .
     
  2. I still laugh when I see an estate agent's 'To Let' sign changed to 'ToiLet' by the addition of an I between the 2 words.
    Simple things please simple minds.
     
  3. You should invite 'old chef' out for a pint.

    He's free Mondays



    (and Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, oh, and most Sundays).