Sickest original limerick

Last night in the pub we had a "sickest original limerick in five minutes...go!" competition.

You will no doubt be deliriously indifferent to learn that I, Cuddles romped home with this...

The daughter of Doctors McCann
Was stole by a man in a van
She said to the baddie
"Please sir, my name's Maddie
Is arrse-sex part of your plan?"

My question is surprisingly not "How great am I at pomes" but can you in five minutes or less come up with something as sick but yet strangely poetically correct?
Old but Gold.

There once was a vicar called Keith
Who circumcised boys with his teeth
It wasn't for leisure
Or sexual pleasure
But to get to the cheese underneath

There was a young man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cnut out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned it into a brick
And it chaffed all his foreskin away
There was a young Leader called Glitter
Spent his time rimming young shitters
He'd lick and lick and then lick some more
Their parents didn't mind
They really were that poor.
Rucforever and fatsplasher...not original

YIM - needs work honey but good starter

MWA - on the right lines but scansion and limerick rhyming scheme need attention!

Come on!! Original!!
Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin'
She tied it to a five-bar gate
And kicked its little head in

Mary had a little lamb
The Doctor was astonished......
There was a young man from Cowals,
who lived on excreta from bowels,
when he couldnt get this
he drank prostitute's p**s,
and the drippings from sanitary towels

There was a siberian monk,
one night while asleep in his bunk,
he dreamt that venus was licking his elbow,
and woke up covered in perspiration
Couldn't you just ask everyone to contribute one line:

"There once was a man called Cuddles"


There was a fat lass called Poppy,
who liked it long, wet and sloppy,
she looked like a Tranny,
when she dressed as a FANY,
in her browm wooly tights and pickelhaube...seig heil!
The people next door are quite poor,
Their lovely young lass I adore,
For pound, maybe two,
Or a large tube of glue,
They'll let me kick in her back door.


A Box-head burd called 'Yes-its-me'
does skat, anal and pee
she's a f*cking old trout
who likes to put out
and her tw*t is an awful sight to see....seig heil!
There was a young whore from Crewe,
who filled her vagina with glue,
she said with a grin,
if they pay to get in,
they can pay to get out of it too

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