Sickest original limerick

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Sep 3, 2008.

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  1. Last night in the pub we had a "sickest original limerick in five minutes...go!" competition.

    You will no doubt be deliriously indifferent to learn that I, Cuddles romped home with this...

    The daughter of Doctors McCann
    Was stole by a man in a van
    She said to the baddie
    "Please sir, my name's Maddie
    Is arrse-sex part of your plan?"

    My question is surprisingly not "How great am I at pomes" but can you in five minutes or less come up with something as sick but yet strangely poetically correct?
  2. YesItsMe

    YesItsMe LE Good Egg (charities)

    there was a guy called gary glitter
    not only his trousers did flitter
    he went to the east
    to find his own beast
    got back before hit by a slitter

    you mean something like this?
  3. Old but Gold.

    There once was a vicar called Keith
    Who circumcised boys with his teeth
    It wasn't for leisure
    Or sexual pleasure
    But to get to the cheese underneath

  4. There was a young man from Bombay
    Who fashioned a cnut out of clay
    But the heat of his prick
    Turned it into a brick
    And it chaffed all his foreskin away
  5. There was a young Leader called Glitter
    Spent his time rimming young shitters
    He'd lick and lick and then lick some more
    Their parents didn't mind
    They really were that poor.
  6. Rucforever and fatsplasher...not original

    YIM - needs work honey but good starter

    MWA - on the right lines but scansion and limerick rhyming scheme need attention!

    Come on!! Original!!
  7. Mary had a little lamb
    And it was always gruntin'
    She tied it to a five-bar gate
    And kicked its little head in

    Mary had a little lamb
    The Doctor was astonished......
  8. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    There was a young man from Cowals,
    who lived on excreta from bowels,
    when he couldnt get this
    he drank prostitute's p**s,
    and the drippings from sanitary towels

    There was a siberian monk,
    one night while asleep in his bunk,
    he dreamt that venus was licking his elbow,
    and woke up covered in perspiration
  9. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    sorry :oops:
  10. msr

    msr LE

    Couldn't you just ask everyone to contribute one line:

    "There once was a man called Cuddles"
  11. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    who lay on the ground in the puddles?
  12. YesItsMe

    YesItsMe LE Good Egg (charities)

    when he was all wet
  13. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    and had worked up a sweat,
  14. There was a fat lass called Poppy,
    who liked it long, wet and sloppy,
    she looked like a Tranny,
    when she dressed as a FANY,
    in her browm wooly tights and pickelhaube...seig heil!