SICK PARADE (Inspected by Numb Nuts)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by The_Magician, Feb 17, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Guys
    I remember way back in 1981 I broke my Fibula & Tibia playing Football for the Bn. (In plaster for 8 months and on crutches for 11)
    Anyway I missed out on an overseas trip with the Bn so I was sent home on sick leave for the duration 7 weeks.

    Bn come home and I am beckoned back to London. Arrive back and I am met by my Pln Sgt who tells me I am on the ‘Gate and canteen’ (Cannot Leave Camp or go to the NAAFI for a drink) as I am on the sick and have to be in bed by 10:30 (Which would be verified by the Piquet Sgt checking in on me) Wonderful.

    Next morning I have to attend Sick Parade to go to see the Medical Officer just to verify I am not bluffing my case (As most soldier’s break their legs just to get out of doing some work)

    I dually get ready for parade (At 07:30) Bull my shoes yes shoes, I had to take along my Right Shoe to show it had been Bulled (The one I cannot get on because of the plaster, this mucked about with uniformity or something)

    There must have been about 12 soldier’s on parade awaiting to be inspected, by the Duty Warrant Officer. As he approaches the Piquet Sgt brings us all up to attention, I was allowed just to pull my left foot in to the position of attention as I was on crutches (There all heart) As the Warrant Officer inspects each soldier individually and asking them what was their ailment was and he was greeted by the usual responses. “ I’ve got the flu Sur” “I’ve been sick all night Sur” or I’ve got a Sare(Sore) Heid (Head) Sur” and he would give the box standard reply/insult_ “Wnaker,” “Tosser,” “Waste of Space,”

    He is almost at my position and I am thinking to myself no way is this man going to ask me what is wrong with me, this man is a Warrant Officer Class Two in my Regiment. Surely he can see my “Pot” as I have had to cut my Barrack dress trousers to get over the Pot, come on anyone with one Ineeba Brain Cell could see this. He gets to me and he states “What the Fcuk is wrong with you ?” Fcukin Bingo

    Well my comic side slapped my military side straight in the Gob and I answered “Sur I fell on my Back and broke my Nose”. Well there was a deafening silence for all of a Nano Second and then he screamed Fcukin Lock Him Up Piquet Sgt, Double Him Away to the Guardroom” Double me away? Christ I could hardly walk never mind double. But the Duty Dcik did as he was told there was the Duff Deit Duff Deit as I hobbled off to the Nick.

    As they say Happy Days ( I enjoyed the Military that much I stayed for 23 years)



    Anyone else have a sick parade story?
  2. love it, just love it.
  3. You can probably guess what Division I served In?

  4. Septem Juncta in Uno per chance :p
  5. Broken leg and hobbling through Tidworth on crutches,got approached by an officer who enquired "Don't you salute officers in your regiment?" I can't remember my reply,if any.
  6. Guards ?Household Cavalry ?
  7. I reckon 1 or 2 SG
  8. 6/10 - you must try harder.

    You could have gotten a 9/10 if you had said the cnut jailed your crutches and made you hope everywhere for a fortnight! :D

    Still funny though...
  9. Guards, Household Division.

    The Guy in Tidworth for not Salutng I got the same for not giving an Eyes Left to some 2nd Lt he was placed in the Rembrandt and I was placed in the "Report" for being "Insolent" Another two days on Privs


  10. Would the officer be a wearer of a beret non agressive? :)
  11. Correct 2SG, Guess the Warrant Officer?


  12. Reminds me of the time I was posted to a field ambulance (important to keep this in mind, field ambulance, full of MEDICS)

    Young lad reported to Ord Sgt having trouble breathing requesting to go sick and at one point leant against the door frame. Que Ord Sgt having apoplectic fit, screaming at him to stand up straight. Lad did so and then promptly passed out. Turns out he had a collapsed lung...
  13. PM sent :lol:
  14. Big Duncan W********n
  15. Alex A