Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by Signallers, Jun 12, 2013.
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How do you make a cat go woof?
Pour petrol on it and set it alight.
What happened to the sick animal though?
Or the joke for that matter.
Poorly categorized jokes never go down very well...
Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.[/I]
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. Every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob,don't worry about it.
You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go...."!
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a vet."
There was a shark swimming through the ocean when he see a squid that had been badly attacked, So he swims towards it. The squid had a leg missing, cuts all over and is really battered, The squid say " please don't eat me." the shark says " where about do you live?, I give you a lift home" The Squid slowly climbs on the sharks back and the shark slowly swims off. After about five minutes, the shark stops by a larger shark, throws the squid off and says " Here's that sick squid I owe you".
How do you make a dog go meow?
Pour Liquid Nitrogen over it and run it through a bandsaw...
Heard both of these back when dinosaurs walked the Earth.
What's got four legs and goes 'Woof'?
Three blokes get very drunk and head off home in the small hours. Next day they meet up in the pub. First one says, "I'm in real shit from last night, I got home, went to bed an lit a ciggie and set fire to the bed. The wife's not happy". Second one says "that's nothing, I drove home crashed the car and got arrested for drink driving".
The third one says, "Guys, that's nothing, I went home an blew chunks". The others laugh; puking up is nothing is it? To which the third guy replies;
"you don't understand, Chunks is my dog"
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers of course
The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.
"Buffalo come," Tonto says.
"How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger.
That is funny? How old are you?
What's got two legs and bleeds?
Half a kitten.
Do NOT tell that one to the swmbo!
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Never said it was funny, just said that I had heard it a long time ago. Do try to keep up.
Where do oil rig workers go on holiday?
Burnham on sea!!
That's an old one - heard that in the 70's
Separate names with a comma.