Just got myself a load of Johnsons wet wipes due to much bog roll wastage with my recent turd state, however nothing in my eyes is better than the small Kleenex packs for an average shovel recce. Whats your choice of comfy bum for them lovely moments in the field when you just have to drop a 500 pounder? It got me thinking of my last shovel recce whilst walking over Dartmoor a few weeks back. I was hand railing the dart i believe and felt the first touch. However not having my emergency bum wipes or pampers i started to flap a bit. With joe public enjoying a lovely day near spitchwick I decided to do a hasty river crossing then make my way into the woods. So off comes the boots on goes the harbour slippers and i get in amongst it. After being taken 5-10m's down stream i manages to get out and gets onto dry land hand digs a hole and lets the poo go. Not a bad one really however that last little tail end of it was a bit messy and left me with a chocolate milkshake dripping down the crack of my hoop. So hastily i drags myself round using my hands like a dog after a dump. Now thinking "Bugger" i have brown tar, soil, leaves, grass and ants up my arrse crack now, how am i going to Mag to grid it. SO after much soul searching i decided to wet a load of grass, 'waddling' with kecks round ankles to the river i fell over twice. However i eventually gets there. Wets the grass and gets on with it being careful to throw my poo covered hasty arrse wipe away from the river. Feeling better for the experience i jumps back in and before setting off pauses about chest deep in the water against a rock covered in a soft moss. I just couldn't help myself. So i drops kecks spreads arrse cheeks and polishes my hoop on the spongy foliage. Now so much happier about having a clean hoop i starts to pull my kecks up. Only to let go of my bergan and watch it rapidly floating away. In a moment of madness i forgot about trousers and went for the bergan and thus ended up half floating half drowning down stream after it. What felt like miles down stream (Probably 25 yds) i had been reunited with my bergan and dignity of having my trousers done up. Out of the water and drying my feet i vowed to never forget my comfy bum... EVER again!