Should my poo float or sink?

Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by moving-target-survivor, Oct 11, 2005.

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  1. Its that time of year again when Mrs Jesus complains that she feels fat and forces both me and the little pilgrims to follow her into the murky depths of ‘detox’

    According to that scots-hunchback beauty queen, Dr Gillian McKeith*, I must now root around my own shite - examining the nuts and carrots to see whether I’m a dirty fcking fiend or just a run-of-the-mill weirdo?

    Admittedly, I still have a tendency to wrap the old Sodexho brown-fish in clingfilm and sling’em into my Bergen …

    …But unwittingly, I have now stumbled into the world of the ‘health fascists’…… and need ARRSE information in order to challenge my deluded wife at the next dinnertime rumpus:-

    My question is thus:

    “Should a ‘good’ shit float or sink?” (…We’re talking ‘consistency’ here Ladies and Gents and not the ass-action involved at the bomb-bay doors)

    I reckon that a good poo would sink – thus indicating a low fat content

    She reckons that a good poo would float – thus indicating high fibre content.

    For my own sanity (and the shear joy of reminding her at the next Ladies Night), I need help.


    * Dr McKeith: You’re not welcome in my house you fcking fantasist! A proper medical Doctor goes to college for years …….and you get a mumbo-jumbo hippy certificate and poison my wife’s head….. you’re an ugly hunchback menace. Sort that out with Mint Tea
  2. Thought this was quite apt! :lol: :lol:

    The good poo guide!

    1. The Ghost Poo;

    The kind of poo where you feel it come out and you know you've done it, but when you wipe there is nothing there and no poo in the toilet...Where did it go?

    2. The Clean Poo;

    The sort of poo which is so smooth and streamlined that it virtually falls out of your bottom. You can see the poo in the toilet but there is nothing on the toilet paper!

    3. The Hot Tar Poo;

    The kind of poo where even after 50 million wipes you are still getting stains on the paper forcing you to place bog roll between your bum cheeks and in your underwear to prevent skid marks!

    4. The Second Thought Poo;

    Just as you think you've finished with your poo and have painstakingly wiped yourself clean and pulled up your baggies to the knee, you realise that there is still more poo to come out!

    5. The Lincoln Log Poo;

    The kind of poo that is so huge you're afraid that it won't flush down the toilet unless you personally break it up into small pieces with a stick! This poo only happens when you're at someone elses house!

    6. The Sweetcorn Poo;

    This should be self explanatory! The most beautiful and attractive poo for it's use of colour

    7. The "I Wish I Could Poo" Poo;

    You feel as if you really need to poo, but every time you try, all you manage is a couple of loud and embarressing farts! This poo almost always happens when theres a queue of people within hearing distance waiting to use the toilet after you!

    8. The Side Birth or The Boo-Hoo Poo;

    This poo hurts so much that you'd swear its coming out sideways- your eyes water and you will probably need stitches!

    9.The Fisherman's Bobber or Floating Poo;

    You do your poo and flush two or more times, but there are still several golf-ball sized pieces floating noticably above the water line...

    10. The Sultana Poo;

    This type of poo is really frustrating! You get yourself prepaired for the agony of a "side birth" and then spend about half an hour sweating it out in the bog, but all you can manage in the end is a small plop resembling a sultana!

    11. The Exploding Poo;

    You can just picture it now, the fire sensation in your stomach and the second your botty hits the bog poo explodes into the toilet with rip-roaring sound effects, making a right mess, This is probably one of the smelliest of the lot and takes a lot of toilet brush cleaning afterwards! There are always a few little bits stuck around the toilet bowl after you have flushed many times, and, like the "Lilcoln
    Log Poo" is guarenteed to happen at someone elses house!
  3. Float or sink? It should smear nicely on the upper lip, if its a proper pooh!!
  4. Flowers that list was obviously written by a female.


    And the point is?

    So what?

    Float/Sink who gives a sh!t :D. Stand wipe flush leave.. No deep thoughts or comtemplation required.
  5. Shouldn't that be wipe, stand, flush, leave? :?
  6. Well that is a matter of personal choice surely?

    In fact somewhere on here there is a whole thread dedicated to that very topic. Complete with smoke flares and video cam evidence.

    Sorry but I can't be arrsed to find a link to it, you will just have to take it on faith or go looking. :)
  7. I've seen the advanced poo guide #12 onwards ....and none of them involve flushing.
  8. Drink Guiness, provides excellent turd colourage and sinks em like a stone, tend to hit water with a kind of muted, "shuunk" noise...