Should Have Bought a Guinea Pig Instead...

#1
200 giant spiders, termites feast on man

From: The Daily Telegraph February 26, 2011 9:34AM Source: AFP

A MAN was found dead in his apartment draped in spider webs and more than 200 spiders, several snakes, thousands of termites, and a gecko were feasting on his corpse.

Mark Voegel, 30, was found dead in Dortmund, Germany. Authorities were alerted when concerned neighbours noticed a horrendous stench emanating from the apartment.
His black widow, Bettina, is believed to have administered the deadly bite.



Voeger's apartment has been described as both a "zoo" and a "jungle" by authorities. He never let people visit.

A police spokesman said, according to the Sun: “It was like a horror movie. His corpse was over the sofa. Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him. They were coming out of his nose and his mouth. There was everything there one could imagine in the world of reptiles. Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the lizards were scooped up and taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders.”

The spiders and termites managed to escape when the heating elements exploded and opened the lids to their tanks.

The lizards were allowed to roam.

Voegel also kept a pet boa constricter and several poisonous frogs.

He was dead for somewhere between seven and fourteen days when his corpse was found, enough time for the creepy-crawlies to make a new home out of his apartment.
200 giant spiders, termites feast on man | The Daily Telegraph
 
#2
Telegraph, Feb 26 2011, eh?

I wonder if he was related to the Mark Voegel (coincidentally also aged 30 and from Dortmund) who was killed by a Black Widow named Bettina (another coincidence!) whose death was reported in the Sun on 27 Feb 2004?

Pet spider kills its owner | The Sun |News
 
#7
Telegraph, Feb 26 2011, eh?

I wonder if he was related to the Mark Voegel (coincidentally also aged 30 and from Dortmund) who was killed by a Black Widow named Bettina (another coincidence!) whose death was reported in the Sun on 27 Feb 2004?

Pet spider kills its owner | The Sun |News
What gets me about this article: The guy's dead, he never let anyone visit, so how do they know the gecko was called Helmut?
 
#10
Nooo, Gordon was a gopher!


Edit: what happened there? The post I was quoting disappeared! :scratch:
 
M

Mark The Convict

Guest
#11
None of you have picked up on Joe's real reason for posting this; three - THREE - Mark Voegels have met violent, unnatural deaths in 7 years, and the gecko has been in the frame for all of them. I await the imminent headline; GERMAN GECKO EXPOSED AS RINGLEADER OF INTER-SPECIES SNUFF CULT.
 
#13
None of you have picked up on Joe's real reason for posting this; three - THREE - Mark Voegels have met violent, unnatural deaths in 7 years, and the gecko has been in the frame for all of them. I await the imminent headline; GERMAN GECKO EXPOSED AS RINGLEADER OF INTER-SPECIES SNUFF CULT.
At least it stays on the right side of the smoking ban!
 
M

Mark The Convict

Guest
#16
But...but...what if it gets the wrong Mark? There's been a gecko living here for years - it wouldn't just turn on me like that, would it?

Edit; come to think of it, I haven't seen it for days, only heard it. That sinister clucking noise that seems to come from everywhere at once, as though it's laughing at me...there's a storm coming in...it's going to STRIKE when the power goes out...I'm doomed!
 
#18
Well all I can say is Mark Vogel would have wanted it this way...

I wonder what goes through a gecko's mind when it gazes at the huge body of a human, with hunger in its eyes. Probably "Fuck me, there's a lot of Mark! Oh well best get started..."
 
#19
Well all I can say is Mark Vogel would have wanted it this way...

I wonder what goes through a gecko's mind when it gazes at the huge body of a human, with hunger in its eyes. Probably "Fuck me, there's a lot of Mark! Oh well best get started..."
I think you have hit on the main point here. Look at the dates of the reports, 2004/2007/2011.

It obviously takes about 3 years for this group to eat and digest a whole Mark.
Seems we are safe until 2014 at least. Stand down the flamethrowers.
 
#20
This is getting intense I've just answered a loud banging on the door, looked down and had a bunch of swarthy geckos, some shifty looking large spiders and a psychotic, edgy chameleon (wearing multicam t shirt) asking for my papers in German accents.

The chameleon said: "Let's just do him now. Let's freakingk vaist him man."
Thankfully the Lead Gecko said "Hiss name is nicht Mark Vogel. You crazy lunatic. Calm your fucking shizzer down man."

I managed to wrestle my passport off them and shut the door. I called them a bunch of crazy fucking reptiles and to fuck off.

I heard a spiders voice say "Hey buddy, I am not a reptile ja? You vould do vell to rememebr ziss. I vill be back." and then the noise of a tiny spiders foot kicking the door a bit and nearly moving a milk bottle on the step.

I won't live in fear. I've seen that Bond movie where he uses a lighter an aerosol.
I had a knock at the door this morning and when I answered a six foot tall spider punched me in the face.

This has happened a lot in my area. Apparently theres a nasty bug going round.........



I'll grab my can of Raid and leave.
 

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