Should a woman have a bigger Porn Collection than me?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by LBdr_Pigshagger, Apr 11, 2006.

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  1. So anyway, since my divorce, I've been something of a hound.

    I'm also known for being a bit of smooth-talking bastard. Friday Night down the local 'Jurassic Park' Over 35's Nightclub and I'm doing my best work on a none too ropey and in fairly good nick Doris in her early 40's.

    I realise that going back to hers was definately on the cards, but couldn't believe what I found when I got there. The woman has an unbeliveable stash of grot. As soon as we were inside, the DVD Player went into overdrive and on went the filth.

    I must admit it was fairly liberating shoving her round the carpet to 'Anal Teen Try-Outs III' and I was impressed that she requested that I leave her with a face like a plasterer's radio, but this woman had the biggest collection of DVD Filth that I've ever, ever, seen.

    Well, the biggest since I left my house earlier that evening.

    Thoughts.

    Women with giant smut collections..... Somehow, it just doesn't seem right.....
     
  2. It doesn't? Why not? This is the 21st Cetuary after all.

    Why not ask if she wants to swap some, you know, to keep your collection fresh. :wink:
     
  3. I stole, I mean borrowed er, several volumes...
     
  4. You’re a lucky, lucky, man :D
    Pick out the most depraved DVD in her collection and see if she’ll act it out, or see if she’ll let you video her being degraded by you for your own collection :D
     
  5. And her address (just between you and me) is .........?
     
  6. then post the video on here.
     
  7. You have struck fackin gold!!
    Although silver linings and clouds..

    Be aware it probably all belongs to her bisexual partner who is in the wardrobe banging his ass with big beads while polishing up the petrol drivel black mamba soon to be inserted up your pride and joy!!

    Enjoy it while it lasts, but when she decides kevin should come out his box "Just to watch" break contact rapidly.......unless that sort of action floats your boat!!

    All the best
    TheGimp
     
  8. You could do me a favour.

    I lent my copy of "Los Trajerdas des Animadas" to someone years ago, and never got it back.

    If she has a copy, I wouldn't mind a loan of it until I can tape it.

    Thanks

    FB

    PS heed the wise words of the Gimp.

    PPS Check the ceiling and walls for suspicious holes and lenses, just in case she "bakes at home" as well

    PPS Check the garage for jars of severed male generative members, just in case she's a psycho and using the porn as bait
     
  9. Personally i have no problems with female grot collections... helps pass a sunday afternoon. However, i would advise hiding any that involve blokes of Ron Jeremy proportions 8O Suddenly daddys little soldier doesn't feel quite so good about himself :(
     
  10. Pigshagger,

    If you have got any really good ones, make sure you put some in the post!!!! Only got 600 Gb here if you are passing! :D
     
  11. First thing I did when she went upstairs to change into something 'more uncomfortable' I ran a fine toothcomb over the place looking for wires, lenses and the like.

    Then, just in case, I held my stomach in, covered my tattoos with large Band Aids and took her up on the kind offer of a gimp mask. :wink:

    In all honesty though, the only bad thing about her is her infernal text messaging. Since I met her last Friday, I get at least three O2'd servings of filth a day (Good Thing)

    The trouble is that she sends them like a fourteen year old in that c u n ting annyoing text speak. (Bad Thing)

    "im gng to suck yr bllz dry" etc.

    Highly annoying, but she's a teriffic shunt, so what can you do?
     
  12. And where the fucking hell have you been, you old fat b*stard? I'll send you a PM with my contact details. I'm assuming you're still in and are at some kind of cushy posting with the Women's Auxilliary Balloon Corps?

    Nice to hear from you...
     
  13. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Just hope that when you go for a mooch in the ol' wardrobe for more smut,You dont find rubber,chains & a gimp mask hanging from a cross bolted to the wall!! 8O .....Mind you,They do say veriety is the spice of life!!! :lol:
     
  14. Yes,

    balloons and tripods maybe, no Women's Auxilliary Balloon Corps :cry: yes still in............
     
  15. Can't work out how to send you a PM, mate. Drop me a mail when you've got a minute to harlows_finest@hotmail.com and I'll get in touch.

    When was the last time we met up? Late 1998 after I came up to 5 Regt and pissed all over your floor? Seems like only yesterday. Move over to the Gunners forum and we'll see who's still in touch....