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Short of cash? Got a rich relative? Here's what to do!

#2
I'd nail the rich old fart to an armchair in Tropper's front room with a sign round his neck saying, "Reminisces Welcome". 5-6 hours of that should do for him!

If Tropper starts reminiscing about how he has actually had sex, would it be a Tropper Clopper Whopper?
 
#4
If the teenage girls were fit they could have put a 'show' on for him. A heart attack is natural causes after all. Ask the Widow Shale if you don't believe me.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#5
when grampa shuffles off to the bog for a shit connect a hose up to a car exhaust and run it to the bog. when you hear the thump of his head hitting the wall,pull the hose out and wait for another relative to find his decomposing corpse.

simple :)
 
#6
Lots and Lots of roughage and fibre in his food, followed by a stool softner, guaranteed. Will be found spreadeagled on crapper next am with grimace on mush and turtle head!.
 
#7
There are apparently s significant number of 'non-persons' in India whose relatives have bribed officials to issue death certificates. The poor sods are in utter limbo - they can't petition a Court because they have no legal standing without an identity and in a predominantly rural society the only people who can testify to who they are are either the relatives who've done the deed or locals who're entirely in the relatives' power.

They get the inheritance and at most risk a 'bribery and theft' charge instead of murder.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#8
There are apparently s significant number of 'non-persons' in India whose relatives have bribed officials to issue death certificates. The poor sods are in utter limbo - they can't petition a Court because they have no legal standing without an identity and in a predominantly rural society the only people who can testify to who they are are either the relatives who've done the deed or locals who're entirely in the relatives' power.

They get the inheritance and at most risk a 'bribery and theft' charge instead of murder.
Cracking. One of the many things I love about India is the "Court of Judge Nutmeg" legal system. We taught them everything they know you know. Makes you proud to be British.

Back on topic. Wait for a birthday or Christmas. Tell the coffin dodger it is a special treat and all the family will be there and, because you love him, you have arranged for Nipper The Stripper to blow him at 6.30pm.

A big lobster on an 8oz fillet steak, medium rare. Jersey Royal spuds smothered in butter and Helmans full-fat. Some lettuce on the side so nobody gets suspicious. Double Death By Chocolate dessert with custard made with double cream. Wine, liqueurs and a spot of brandy. At 6.20 wheel him out, get Nipper to get her kit off and kneel down then kidney punch the fucker. Say he fell over drunk and died. Sorted. Guess what the Coroner is going to conclude?
 

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