Why is it when going to a super market, its like taking your life in your hands , while trying to balance on a car roof thats doing the WRC ralley. Let me explain. The whole concept of going food shopping is starting to get beyond a joke. It all starts before you even get into the store. When you arrive at the car park, its all full of idiots driving along at one of 2 speeds, either at the speed of light waiting for a car to leave a spot thats so close the door they may as well reverse up to the checkouts, or toddling along at 0.5 mph in a world of there own. Theres a sign in the car parks that state cars left at owners risk, This is there not because of a another car hitting it, But beacuse of the MMMMLLLAAAAARRRRRRR ing trolley collector called Malcom who whilst pushing 30 trolleys at once with his little strap will quite easily knock ya wing mirror off and kick it under your car. Then there is the pedestrians to deal with , Again there are 2 sorts, the one who are so wrapped up in there own little world that they step infront of the car and expect you to give way, they think they are invinceable to anything hitting them, and give a sly smile as you jam on ya brakes and wave to say thanks ....... Then there are the other ones dragging there brats kicking and screaming across the car park, the people in this case are trying not to look embarassed and proceed to have a yelling match at the kids whilst stopped in the middle of the pelican crossing! When you all converge on the main entrance, thats when the real battle starts , as every one picks there weapon of choice, a basket, or a trolley, there are pro's and cons to both of these which shall be explained as we continue this rant. Once armed you start to browse past the fruit and veg isle, stopping off to see grown blokes squeezing the mellons, , apples , oranges, onions, whilst imagining its some part of a sordid porno flick. Moving further round it starts to become more hazardous, as people leave there trolleys anywhere whilst they have going to the other side of the shop for a bottle of coke Why they couldnt take there trolley with them is beyond comprehension as the que waiting to get past is now backed up out of the main door. There are kids climbing the shelves (thinking it s a new waky warehouse!) to try and get what ever it is on the top shelf or even placing stuff in the trolley they dont want and the parents just pretend that the kids is not with them, Until the slagging match continues between parent and kid. A man who doesnt like shopping can be blatantly seen at this point, either zipping round the store with his hand basket, Running then diving on the trolley as though he is doing push starts for an olympic bobsleigh team or slouching with a look of boredom on his face praying this is some kind of joke from candid camera/youve been framed. Then you meet the other kind of shopper, The social shopper. These are the one that infuriate you the most, as they are always in the store at the same time every week and know half of the other customers. They have a habit of stopping abruptly directly infront of you, then becoming instantly deaf to all other sounds than yakking to a friend they seen in isle 6, 2 mins previously. Not only do they ignore you when asked to move, but have a habit of standing right in the center of the isle so no trolleys can pass either side of them. Whilst getting ratty with them a little old biddy , who wouldnt say boo to a goose out side the store, now has horns on her head, and ramming the trolley into the backs of your ankles, and you cant have a go at her, as she puts on a innocent face, knowing full well that malcom the trolley collector will beat you to a inch of ya life for a half sucked mint imperial she has offered him. Once you have contended with all this Now its time for the checkout. Some spotty nosed litte freak, zipping things through the scanner at such a rate of knots that you can hear the sound barrier being broken with each item. They have no regard for the items you are buying, and will always scan crisps first before pilling the rest of your shopping on top of it. The have a look on the face like a slapped arse, and low betide any one who buys booze as you then have to wait for someone over 18 to authorise the sale! Back out to the car and dodging all the cars with your wonky wheelied trolley that has magnet secreated into inthe metal causing it to be jerked towards every metal object going, and Malcom giving you a wave and a MMLLLAARRR, as another wing mirror comes off someone elses car. Back onto the road and some sanity, Before realising you have forgotten soap power and have to do it all over again. Or am i just being cynical?