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Shopping For Christmas Presents for SWMBO & Other Pointless Exercises

I saw this on one of the interminable TV cookery programmes she watches morning, noon and night (I did only marry her because she can cook), I think it's what she'd like she's getting this year.

 

RTU'd

War Hero
You will never get it right shopping for a woman,
If they say no to a present they mean yes & if yes to presents they expect lots.
Elizabeth Arden in Argos do good cheap jewelry.
 

Daz

LE
Being as how I'm on SWMBO number 3 (the other 2 are brown bread) and the fact that I'm an old git, means I have this sort of thing down to a fine art (having been battered into submission over many years). Always have a pen and a bit of paper with you to take notes over the year of any hints that come your way. Don't lose the bit of paper. You may need more than one bit o paper. Start looking for prezzies early (this includes birthdays and anniversaries). I haven't kipped in the spare bedroom for eleven years and I quite often get a bottle of Calvados to keep me sweet.
So, the sofa it is then :)
 

Issi

War Hero
For over twenty years, this time of year feels me with dread.

Not only is it Christmas, but it's her birthday on the 28th, and so I have to find two lots of presents.

She's not a girly girl and so jewelry and fashion is not an option.
She doesn't like perfume or smelly things.
She's recently given up chocolate.
She doesn't drink, so the recent trendy gins won't cut it.
The thought of a spa day or similar fills her with horror.

Help!!
 
For over twenty years, this time of year feels me with dread.

Not only is it Christmas, but it's her birthday on the 28th, and so I have to find two lots of presents.

She's not a girly girl and so jewelry and fashion is not an option.
She doesn't like perfume or smelly things.
She's recently given up chocolate.
She doesn't drink, so the recent trendy gins won't cut it.
The thought of a spa day or similar fills her with horror.

Help!!
New patio?
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
Do you mean a hooky one from the geezer in the back of the saloon bar in the Old Tiger's Head ?
I couldn’t possibly comment. :slow:
 
For over twenty years, this time of year feels me with dread.

Not only is it Christmas, but it's her birthday on the 28th, and so I have to find two lots of presents.

She's not a girly girl and so jewelry and fashion is not an option.
She doesn't like perfume or smelly things.
She's recently given up chocolate.
She doesn't drink, so the recent trendy gins won't cut it.
The thought of a spa day or similar fills her with horror.

Help!!
You're fucking fucked, mate.
 
For over twenty years, this time of year feels me with dread.

Not only is it Christmas, but it's her birthday on the 28th, and so I have to find two lots of presents.

She's not a girly girl and so jewelry and fashion is not an option.
She doesn't like perfume or smelly things.
She's recently given up chocolate.
She doesn't drink, so the recent trendy gins won't cut it.
The thought of a spa day or similar fills her with horror.

Help!!
Buy her a treadmill or a smoker!
 

BratMedic

LE
Book Reviewer
Well, SWMBO is on her second Jewel box full of 44 years of expensive "investment". Never get worn.
Clothes? Bugger orf. Strathcarron's Hospice shares rose this year with the numerous black bags of mostly unworn ( not once) stuff.
Choccies? Gets them all year round.
Booze? Total abstainer.
Gadgets? F off. She screws my 'puter up even looking at it.
Kitchen gear? I'm the cook, she washes.
We came to the conclusion...me giving her £100.00 vouchers and she for me was lunacy.
Therefor, we ain't bovverin'
As for card distribution, any fecker who has not bothered making sure we are still actually breathing right now despite us reaching out, fuck off and choke. No, really.
As a result, the said distro has shrunk from around 30/40 odd to a dozen real=deals we've known for over 40 odd years.
Apart from that, everyone else can go do one.
 
And that wonderful moment when she opens the present you bought after days of worrying about getting the perfect present and says ‘Darling it’s wonderful!’.





Followed 10 seconds later by ‘Have you kept the receipt?’
 
For over twenty years, this time of year feels me with dread.

Not only is it Christmas, but it's her birthday on the 28th, and so I have to find two lots of presents.

She's not a girly girl and so jewelry and fashion is not an option.
She doesn't like perfume or smelly things.
She's recently given up chocolate.
She doesn't drink, so the recent trendy gins won't cut it.
The thought of a spa day or similar fills her with horror.

Help!!
Sacatuers and a pair of wellies.
 
For over twenty years, this time of year feels me with dread.

Not only is it Christmas, but it's her birthday on the 28th, and so I have to find two lots of presents.

She's not a girly girl and so jewelry and fashion is not an option.
She doesn't like perfume or smelly things.
She's recently given up chocolate.
She doesn't drink, so the recent trendy gins won't cut it.
The thought of a spa day or similar fills her with horror.

Help!!

Get her a male escort for a few days.
 

Teeblerone

War Hero
For over twenty years, this time of year feels me with dread.

Not only is it Christmas, but it's her birthday on the 28th, and so I have to find two lots of presents.

She's not a girly girl and so jewelry and fashion is not an option.
She doesn't like perfume or smelly things.
She's recently given up chocolate.
She doesn't drink, so the recent trendy gins won't cut it.
The thought of a spa day or similar fills her with horror.

Help!!
Rally School for a day.
Electric scooter.
Cricket lessons.
 

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